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Finding a one-night-stand online is a breeze when you’re looking to dine and dash. If you crave more than a few strokes in missionary, consider a BDSM dating platform to boost your chances.
The best BDSM dating sites and fetish apps can help you penetrate deeper into your local BDSM dating community.
Fetish dating sites can be browsed by roles or kinks. Whether you are a dom looking for a greedy sub, or a rope bunny looking for your rigger, they help you find your match fast.
Still, the internet is full of scams. Dodging them through trial and error is risky and exhausting. Are the best sites for BDSM dating what they claim to be?
Before we dive into the list, let’s do a recap of the BDSM basics.
BDSM is a blanket term that covers an array of activities, both in the bedroom and out. Flogging, sensory play, spanking, role-play, and bondage are a few examples of erotic BDSM exchanges.
The acronym stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. But being ‘into BDSM’ doesn’t mean you have to practice all activities associated with it. Rather, you can experiment to see which ones feel best for yourself or with a partner.
Bondage and discipline is the act of consensual physical restraint during sexual activity. The purpose of this is to inflict pain, punishment, or humiliation on a willing partner, for their satisfaction.
Dominance and submission refer to the power dynamic within the kinky relationship. Whether you get your kicks from adapting to a dominant role or find yourself willing to relinquish control, D/S is all about the power.
Sadism and Masochism describe finding pleasure in inflicting or receiving physical pain. You’ve already heard of spanking, but S&M can be anything from tickling to paddle spanking or whipping.
Consent may not be part of the acronym itself, but it’s a major part of BDSM. Kinky endeavors should be practiced with consent from both (or all) parties included. This means you need to communicate your mutual goals, sexual needs, kinks, and safe words, in sort of a contractual manner.
A “safe word” is an important part of any BDSM combination. This can be an easy and arbitrary word, that you can use to stop all activity regardless of your role, no questions asked.
Dom, short for dominant, is the participant who does the binding or spanking. Sub or submissive in contrast, is the one who voluntarily gives up control to the dom, in the kinky contract. Sometimes the words “top” and “bottom” may be used instead of dom and sub. If you like to switch between roles, feel free to call yourself a proud switch.
“Play” is used to describe BDSM activities, both sexual and not. For example, sensory play can refer to any activity that has to do with challenging the five senses. Another type of experience is impact play – which focuses on inflicting pain by striking the body.
Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) – This describes goals for best practices and ethical behavior of the BDSM community.
Alt.com is an online community with one of the largest groups of men and women in the BDSM lifestyle. This is an excellent place to start if you are looking to find someone for kinky dating or roleplay sexcapades. Within minutes of joining, I jumped into the chat rooms and flirted with a lady who shares my love for transparent clothing.
On alt.com, you can message anyone for online BDSM play, and the members are happy to engage in conversations. The dating site has topic rooms for all kinds of kink and fetish interests (rubber, goth, cybersex, etc.). You can also join their local, state, or regional chat groups to meet local subs, doms, or switches.
Alt.com is free to join . But of course, like most fetish sites, you are charged to get past the communicative barriers. Look around the site and if you like what you see, unlock all the features (unlimited contact, blog/video access, profile visibility) with one of the following membership deals:
On Alt.com, you may find like-minded people that you have never met in real life, not even on social media.
The popular BDSM dating site is overtly geared toward kinky people who love bondage and leather. The website layout is very similar to Alt.com, with member profiles, topic rooms, and local groups for each state, region, and continent.
When you first arrive, you will see a collage of lovers, masks, and cages. Those tools represent the entire site as a whole. I found that I fit at the moment I joined. You do not have to look for people who share your kinks and fetishes anymore. Register for the free features and then upgrade to the silver or gold membership (same membership plans and rates as alt.com).
With more than 80 million members (64m in the US), Adult Friend Finder is the most populated kinky dating site globally. With members galore, you can find anyone: straight, gay, and bi; single, swinger, and polyamorous.
Adult Friend Finder is more than just a BDSM dating site; it is an online fetish community where people chat, form kink groups, share videos, and post stories.
You can share your fantasies and erotica, both real and fictional, with other members into the same fetishes. Membership rates are as follows:
AFF is one of the most popular swinger sites for polyamorous people. If you and your partner have fantasized about trying group sex or cuckoldry, you might find willing participants here. Check the AFF member profiles, and you’re on your way to a steamy threesome.
Few dating sites are as notorious as Ashley Madison, the site for adulterous individuals. Most of its members look for some quick anonymous action, but you’ll likely find AM useful as a BDSM dating site, too.
Whether you enjoy blindfolded submissive partners squirming to your delight, or craving foxy dominant women, this dating website is filled with kinky people ready to go your way!
Ashley Madison has an easy-to-use layout. You scroll through matches that meet your essential search criteria (gender, age, location) and click on photos for more info. Most of these people seek the ride of their lives and are blunt about what they want in a fling.
There is no membership plan for Ashley Madison. To make full use of the site, buy credits at the following prices:
Ashley Madison is a libertine hookup and affair website where anything goes sexually. Just practice your utmost discretion here (after all, most of these people don’t want their partners to find out.)
Seeking Arrangement ( Seeking.com ) is a dating site where gold diggers find sugar daddies. Rich men, in turn, come here looking for arm candy. To some extent, this kink dating site facilitates the costliest of fetishes – findom, where men get teased out of their wealth by hot dominatrixes.
The site is free to join, but you will need to pay the premium to unlock conversations, filter your inbox and get your profile in front of more matches. As a sugar daddy, that will cost you the following:
If you join as a sugar baby, the rates are far lower:
Despite its reputation, the people on Seeking Arrangement run the gamut, and most of them do not even resemble tycoons or gold diggers. Still, if you join as a sugar daddy, the lowest-possible net worth you can list is $100k but there is no real verification.
As the name implies, Fetlife is a community website of members dedicated to the fetish lifestyle. It sports a micro-blogging layout that shows columns of the latest member posts and pics, where other users can comment.
Fetlife is where kinky people come to socialize with like-minded individuals. We would not call it a dating site per se, but you can find dates and hookups if you invest time and energy into the website. For unrestricted use of the site, consider the following plans:
To find kinky singles on Fetlife, join their Partner Finder group.
If you want to explore the fetish community for free, start on Reddit. While it’s one of the official BDSM dating sites, the r/BDSMpersonals subreddit is easy to use and packed with active users. Each thread header states the poster’s age, location, and preference (M4W, W4M, W4A, etc.).
To combat spam, they now make you wait four days after joining before you can post. Thoroughly moderated the subreddit rules also prohibit personal links, promotions, or any mention of findom.
Fetster is an online dating website and community for people with varying shades of kink. On Fetster, you can post videos, join interest groups, converse in forum threads, post blogs and photos, and even make confessions. An alternative take to conventional BDSM dating sites.
The Fetster community is equally about socializing and dating. If you fancy someone, you can PM them and/or add them to your friend’s list (think mainstream social media). The site puts you through a lengthy fill-in forum at signup to weed out the fakes or bots.
On Bondage.com , you can post about fetish and kink topics and find other locals with similar interests. The fetish dating site contains multiple fetish groups for each state and city.
In my area, Portland and vicinity, they have groups for hotwives, gangbangs, exhibitionists, cucks, and more. Whatever floats your boat, there’s a group for it.
Bondage.com has the format of a social media website with content feeds, comment boxes, and like buttons. The site is free to use, but with a paid membership, you can get more features such as contacting members privately, which increases your chances of finding a BDSM date.
Their Gold and Silver membership rates are the same as on alt.com and BDSM.com. (They’re all run by Magnolia Blossom Inc.)
Fetish.com is an excellent kinky social media platform that has interactive features for members to use. Similar to Facebook, you populate your profile with content to attract other users. If you like someone, give them a spank on their post. They also have live text and video chat under multiple kink categories.
While not everyone on Fetish.com is looking for dates, you can flirt with anyone. To find dates, click on the BDSM dating link under the Browse pull-down menu. The site is free to use, but you can unlock more features with their VIP or Premium membership (listed in Euros).
If you’re under 30 and your kink is older women, give cougarlife.com a try. The site offers simple search filters that let you narrow the choice down by eye color, body type, age range, hair color, location, and more.
A lot of women in the cougar scene are more aggressive than the typical online dating members. As such, women often make the first move on cougarlife.com .
It’s sometimes tricky to hook up with older or younger singles in real life because they run in different crowds. Sites like Cougar Life make it easier for younger guys to meet MILFs in that prime 35-50 range.
Yes, it is easy to meet someone on these fetish/BDSM sites, since people are serious about fetishes.
Once you join and interact with the members, you can find plenty of people happy to socialize. Depending on which hours you go online and the size of the fetish community in your area, you might find many people eager to talk at once.
Even though you can find users who enjoy the same fetishes as you in these online communities, that doesn’t mean they will meet you offline. As with any dating site, the members of fetish dating websites need to feel a sense of trust and familiarity before they’ll meet you in person.
To avoid scammers on these sites, there are several steps that you can implement during your browsing:
Before arranging a meetup with other members on these fetish sites, make sure you verify the person’s identity. Ask questions that only a genuine person would answer, such as his or her place of birth, schools attended, work background, and activities.
One of the safest ways to get to know someone online is through webcam shows. Have a webcam chat before you meet in person. This way, you can study the person’s mannerisms and determine whether it’s someone you’d want to meet in real life.
Sometimes, you’ll chat with someone online, and they’ll seem decent enough for a meetup. However, when you do meet, you’ll know right there that you don’t want to associate with this individual. If you share a webcam chat, you’ll know before you even go through any trouble.
If, for whatever reason, the person you’re speaking with cannot take part in a webcam chat, request another form of factual verification. Ask that person to post a selfie holding his or her screen name upon a piece of paper, preferably with your screen name on it as well.
To ensure that it’s not a photoshopped fake, ask that they make a special gesture, such as a peace sign or a thumbs up.
A brat in BDSM is not the same thing as in real life. Normally, when you call someone a brat you think they’re a spoiled entitled man-child, but in BDSM it has a different connotation.
It’s an SSC role the submissive can take on to deliberately get on their Dom’s nerves. The idea is to be playful and mischievous to provoke a well-deserved punishment from the top. Brats are one aspect of the various submissive roles one can partake in during BDSM play.
Finding creative ways to misbehave is the best part about taking up the role of a brat, from calling your Dom names to denying their specific kink, you’ll be in for a spanking in no time!
A rigger in BDSM is a person who is involved with the rope bondage kink. Usually a Dom, the rigger enjoys tying their Sub up in rope, to a headboard, or any type of BDSM furniture. The rigger’s submissive, the person being tied up, is usually referred to as a rope bunny, rope bottom, or rope slut.
The role of rigger transcends gender and sexual orientation, so any Dom can opt to be a rigger in a future contract. While riggers find pleasure in tying people up, bondage doesn’t necessarily need to be a sexual activity each time.
Some find pleasure in simply tying someone up in intricate decorative bondage knots. This practice is known as Shibari, and even some riggers opt to deem themselves, artists.
One of the best ways to find people with kinky fetishes is to join an online community. When you enter a kinky website, you are likely to find a judgment-free environment.
Most of the members on these sites live secretive lives because their friends and family won’t understand. Like you, they’re seeking like-minded people with whom they can open up and be themselves.
To join a fetish website, all you need is an email address. After choosing a username and password, you can use the free features and see how you like the site.
The overall best BDSM dating site is Alt.com , due to the massive amount of active users. However, if you’re into group orgies and swinging, Adult Friend Finder is certainly worth a try too.
Stuff like Tinder caters to the normies and vanilla types. BDSM dating sites cater to a more upscale crowd of people with kinks. Someone could be nearby right now waiting to meet someone with the same kinks as you. Happy hunting!
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