Bdsm Collaring

Bdsm Collaring
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In a leather / BDSM context, a collar is a device of any material worn by a person around the neck to indicate their submissive/slave status in a relationship. A person wearing a collar to symbolize their relationship with another is said to be collared. Some people conduct formal “collaring ceremonies,” which are regarded as effectively solemnizing their relationship in a similar way as a marriage ceremony and the collar having similar significance as a wedding ring.
The most common material for a collar is leather, and many people use actual dog collars with a buckle. Other materials include rubber, PVC, and metal (typically stainless steel; however, a few sources offer precious metal versions). Many collars are constructed with several different materials, and may also be decorated in various ways. Collars often feature buckles, straps and hooks, padlocks and other attachments.
Collars have varying degrees of significance for people in the BDSM/leather community. A person wearing a collar may wish by doing so to make it known that they are a BDSM slave. Wearing a collar may similarly be a signal to others that the submissive is “owned” by a dominant , and that the wearer has been formally collared. It may also be a potently tangible symbol of the relationship itself or of the ownership the submissive is held in. A lockable collar may further symbolize a transfer of power from the submissive to the dominant holding the key.
Some submissives do not wear their collars all the time. They are becoming more common as a fashion accessory, but not sufficiently so that they would go unnoticed, particularly if worn by men. Many choose to wear a collar only when in private with their partners, or with other members of the leather community.
Collars can be made from lighter materials such as cotton, or heavier materials such as leather. Steel collars are also worn by some and lockable (metal) necklaces are also regarded as a form of collar. A very few even choose to wear permanently locking collars (these click into place and have no unlocking key), that cannot be removed except by cutting the steel.
As BDSM practices are moving from the old guard leather community into middle class society, the role of the collar has also changed. Increasingly couples who also practice 24/7 dominance and submission relationships adopt collars that can be mistaken as ordinary chokers or jewelry necklaces and can be worn discreetly in public. Such items are often referred to as everyday collars in BDSM parlance. Further evolution of this migration has had groups which actively practice BDSM in a relationship but where roles are switched or not as clear as in a traditional D/s relationship. The practice of joint collaring has emerged, where both wear a collar to show their devotion to the other one and to their lifestyle. Generally the collars look alike and/or are inscribed with vows to each other, and in this instance their significance may be similar to that of a wedding ring.
The practice of using three stages of collaring is informally followed by some in the BDSM community. The three collars come from the traditions of the three rings of a formal relationship; the Promise ring, the Betrothal ring, and the Wedding ring.
Under this system, the Collar of Consideration is the first and roughly analogous to a pre-engagement or Promise ring. Much like the rings of past civilizations and customs, this collar can be of any substance, but always something of significance to both parties. Much like the Class ring it holds a special place in the owners heart, one that they entrust to the beloved. Sometime in the late mid to late 80’s it became custom for some, for this collar to be blue of some sort; ribbon, leather, a gem, a token, etc. The color blue signifies a fresh start and or a new beginning. Much like the Promise ring of days gone by this collar signifies that the couple has entered a dating period in which they want to learn about each other. This collar could be removed at any time by the submissive or dominant with hopefully no ill will and the relationship thereby ended.
The Training Collar is roughly analogous to an engagement ring or Betrothal ring and indicates a deepening, committed relationship in which the submissive is being prepared (trained)by the dominant to serve to the standards the dominant wishes. Again, the submissive may ask to be released but the break is considered more serious and painful for both parties.
Finally, the Formal Collar is analogous to a Wedding band and at this point the submissive is considered the property of and owned by the dominant. Among some in the leather community this is considered permanent with no chance to end unless the submissive was released by the dominant for some exceptional reason. Simple failure of service is not adequate since that indicates a failure on the part of the dominant as well as the slave. As with engagement and wedding rings there are traditions with collars in regard to the materials and colors that are appropriate to each type, usually becoming more elaborate.
House collars are also used in clubs, homes and in organizations that provide social spaces to protect a submissive. House collars show that the submissive is under the guidance of the house and is not to be approached. This is often used with an inexperienced submissive who are not ready to make their own choices yet and need time to learn.
Velcro collar is an increasingly common term, used derisively. The old guard leather community was very protocol oriented and stressed serious lifestyle involvement because of safety issues. More recently, however, email, Internet chat rooms and instant messaging services allowed the curious to participate in casual (and often anonymous) D/s relationships online. The velcro reference indicates the tendency for online dominants and submissives to have new online collaring ceremonies frequently and without regard for existing relationships which end as easily as not logging in.
In some social groups, one is expected to follow certain rules regarding a collared person. A person should ask if he or she wants to be collared. The collar itself is often owned and affixed by the dominant and treated as a symbol of the highest respect.
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If you need to learn more about what collars are before reading this post, I suggest This Collar, That Collar, Your Collar, My Collar.

What does it mean to be collared? It can mean many things to many different people. For some, it is a new beginning of a journey. For others, it is a step in the training process. It all depends on the Dominant you are with. For every Dominant has a different way of doing things.

There is some common ground though when it comes to the protocol:

How does one get to the point of being collared? This is probably one of the more confusing things for a submissive to understand because there is no clear-cut answer. There isn’t a formula one can use and arrive at that destination because every Dominant you meet may handle this step in a different manner. Some may not even use what we commonly think of as a collar, but rather a definitive mark such as a piercing or tattoo or even a piece of jewelry.

Many in the lifestyle take months or even years to come to this point in their journey. It is certainly not something to be rushed into. For many lifestylers, it is considered to be a bond greater than that of marriage. Would you rush into a marriage without knowing anything about the person you are marrying? I truly hope that the answer to that question for all of you is “No”.

It has the definite meaning to both the Dominant and the submissive. It is something to be cherished and respected just like any other type of union. I’d even go so far as to say it is sacred.

I have been fortunate to wear a collar both in real-life and online in my various journeys in this lifestyle. It was never something I rushed into and it was always something I viewed with respect. It was something that I had earned the right to wear. But how does one earn the right?

This is probably a confusing concept for some submissives because of what is commonly known as a Velcro collar. A Velcro collar really has no true meaning behind it and is given and taken away on a whim. Many would argue that it cheapens what a true collar means and I quite frankly have to agree. I say this because it’s not earned in any traditional sense.

Glad you finally got around to asking that question. In most cases it is earned by obeying your Dominant, completing your training, and advancing in your relationship to that step. There is no set timetable for this and it shouldn’t be rushed. It should also be something both parties mutually want.

Whether or not there is a ceremony is up to both parties. Usually, in my experience, it is a private affair but sometimes it is witnessed by close friends. It is a solemn occasion and one to be taken with seriousness. There is no right or wrong way to it. Though sometimes it may be followed by a party.

The important thing to remember in all of this is that it is something that you should treasure. A collar symbolizes your commitment and quite often your love and devotion to the Dominant. Why else would you wear it? That is truly the best part of it.

Kink Academy Videos on Collars and Collaring

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