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For many people who have heard the terms “Bondage” and “BDSM” – they represent the same thing. Often used interchangeably – and incorrectly so – Bondage and BDSM have been represented almost synonymously in books, movie and on bondage-based websites. The fear of bondage-based activities comes partially from this misrepresentation. As a firm believer in knowledge being power – this article intends to dispel the myth that bondage and BDSM are the same, as well as to give some examples of what each activity actually is.
Firstly, it is important to explain that “Bondage” is an activity, something you do, or an action you take. “BDSM” is a broader term for a variety of simultaneous activities and concepts that include bondage in a general form. In that way, you can have Bondage without BDSM but you can’t always have BDSM without Bondage.
Secondly, both activities are CONSENSUAL! These are activities that consenting adults are participating in with full knowledge of what is occurring. This is in no way meant to confer something down without understanding and permission.
SEXUAL BONDAGE – DEFINITION: Sexual bondage is the use of restraints and the overall restriction of free movement to enhance the sexual pleasure of both partners. The form of this restriction varies greatly, and may be at least part of the confusion between it and BDSM, as BDSM does include an element of Bondage (the “B” in the acronym). Sexual bondage takes many forms – from the simple, yet deliberate, pinning down of one’s lover during sex in a manner that severely restricts their movements – to a hard-core, full-on restriction of movement with any number of specialized ropes, tapes, binders, body backs, cuffs and restraint systems.
In short, “bondage” is the restriction of free movement in any varying degree.
BDSM – DEFINITION: “BDSM” is often used in the context of an action, would you like to engage in some BDSM? This is incorrect. BDSM is an acronym for different aspects of the practice.
B – Bondage: and yes, it is the bondage described above. Hence the confusion
D – Discipline: the context here is punishment
S – Sadism: the derivation of sexual pleasure from inflicting pain / humiliation on others
M – Masochism: the derivation of sexual pleasure from having pain inflicted on oneself
BDSM, then, is a fairly complex engagement between partners who derive sexual pleasure from either giving or receiving of pain and humiliation in which bondage is used as a vehicle for such torment AND the failure to follow the “rules” of play can cause a certain “discipline” to be exacted. Therefore, the concept or activity of “bondage” is used within the confines of a BDSM exchange, but it is not always present.
OK, so let’s say you are a Sadist or Masochist – meaning, you enjoy either giving pain to another person OR receiving pain OR both. Sexual partners who enjoy this type of sexual exchange are the S and M of the BDSM equation. In this type of sexual arrangement there is almost always a Dominant person and a submissive person. The Dominant person is most often the sadist and the submissive is often the masochist. So, the dynamic is upheld as the exchange of pain works to sexually satisfy both partners. Now, the Dominant will often have to employ differing levels of bondage activities to enact certain pains on the submissive. The bondage is often much more involved, the restraints may be tighter and involve clamping or total restriction, and can be painful in and of itself. Furthermore, the element of “discipline” comes in to play in both the Dominant and submissive aspect (the Dominant expects certain behaviors and the submissive is to oblige) and the S/M portion of the equation. If the submissive doesn’t behave as he/she is supposed to, the Dominant is forced to exact discipline. This discipline is oftentimes either a spanking, caning, whipping or other torturous activity OR a mental discipline such as humiliation or degradation. This is where discipline meets sadism and masochism – as the Dominant becomes the sadist and the submissive the masochist and they both end up sexually gratified by the entire exchange. BDSM is a game of power play that often involves the deliberate misbehaving of the submissive to enact punishment which ultimately is pleasing for both parties.
In stark contrast to a BDSM arrangement, sexual bondage is an activity in and of itself that need not have ANY element of sadism, masochism or pain. Bondage can be exacted in such a way that there is not even discomfort to the submissive partner. Or, it can be done in a way that is more restrictive, but still not to the levels of BDSM. This is where the media has grossly misrepresented all those who enjoy bondage to be engaging in pain play as well. To the credit of the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise, the bondage explored in the books and movies is less BDSM and more general bondage – but it does go over the line when Ana needs to be punished.
There is such a fine line between what people KNOW to be true and what they assume to be true. People assume, incorrectly, that those persons engaging in bondage MUST be enjoying pain play or humiliation and that the person who is Dominant wants to cause harm to the submissive. Nothing is further from the truth! In Bondage the goal is to restrict the movements of one person in order to bring both sexual pleasure. That is it. The confusion between BDSM and bondage causes many couples issues when deciding to explore this sexual practice. It brings an element of apprehension that doesn’t need to be there.
Finally, it should be pointed out that BDSM play has differing levels as well. The media portrayal of angry Sadists whipping their submissives to bleeding states is highly inaccurate. Some S/M dynamics are very, very mild in nature. Take, for example, someone who enjoys having her nipples pulled and twisted. Enough to cause some pain, but not enough to cause harm. This activity falls broadly in the S/M range. Not everyone would like it, not everyone would want to do it – but some would get great sexual pleasure from it. On the other end of the spectrum are those persons who enjoy very rough sex play. They enjoy being spanked or whipped; the sting of a paddle on their buttocks makes them sexually excited. This is something that causes PLEASURE. That is the main goal in either bondage or BDSM – pleasure through shared experience!
I hope this has cleared up some of the misconceptions regarding bondage and BDSM and I hope that if you are interested in such play you can find a way to communicate that to your partner in a way that won’t misrepresent your desires!
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