Bdsm Binding

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Bdsm Binding
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Curious about the consensual, erotic power play of BDSM, but don't feel ready to invest in a full-scale dungeon just yet? We have good news: You can add BDSM moves to your partnered sex life without spending a mint on new accessories or mastering dozens of different rope ties.
Even in a post- Fifty Shades world, there's no shame in being new to BDSM. And while investing in kink gear and sex toys can be fun, this kind of play is ultimately about you, your partner or partners, and consensual power exchange, not capitalism. "BDSM doesn’t require any money," kink-friendly sex therapist Michael Aaron tells Allure . "Much of it is psychological, and if you are looking for impact play, many people feel like no toy beats their hands anyway, and that’s free. Likewise, various household items such as rope and clothespins can be used in scenes, and they hardly cost anything at all." (A "scene" is how people commonly refer to a period in which the kinky play goes down.) From safely restraining your partner to experimenting with role-play, here are eight ways you can explore BDSM with your partner tonight.
When we talk about dominance and submission in BDSM, we're talking about consensual power exchange: That means that even if a submissive partner is tied up and allowing the dominant partner to dictate what happens in a scene, the terms have been discussed and agreed upon by all partners beforehand. In fact, the sub can even be thought of as the one in control, since it's the dominant partner's responsibility to always respect their limits. Before trying anything new, talk it over with your partner to make sure you're both into whatever's about to go down. You may be interested in choosing a safe word that stops play if needed. Learning your turn-ons and boundaries (and your partner's) is all part of the fun of BDSM, and discussing your encounter before it happens can be its own anticipation-building form of foreplay.
Are you a submissive who likes being reprimanded? Do you want to be told that you're a bad girl and that you're going to do what daddy wants? Ask your partner to talk dirty to you. Anyone can engage in dirty talk related to BDSM themes, whether you are dominant, submissive, or both (someone who plays both roles is referred to as a switch). Dirty talk allows you to express your desires. Verbal cues also help you visualize hot fantasies. Say you have a fantasy of being restrained but for now just want to hear your partner tell you about how they're going to tie you up and (consensually) use you, or you'd like to see how it feels to call them "sir." Dirty talk lets you explore fantasies before physically trying them.
Adding sensory deprivation to your sex life is an easy and tantalizing way to build tension. When you temporarily subtract stimuli from one sense, you can heighten others: For instance, when you can't see because you're wearing a blindfold, a whisper in your ear or the taste of your partner's mouth may seem all the more intense — and exciting.
If you want to buy a blindfold, start with a comfy silk one such as this $8 satin mask from Babeland . You can also use a sleeping mask or the silk tie of a bathrobe. Depending on what role you want to play, ask your partner to blindfold you or ask if you can blindfold them. Once the blindfold is on, the partner not wearing it can tease and tantalize the wearer, leaving them guessing what's coming next by kissing all over their body, whispering dirty talk into their ear, or tickling erogenous zones with a feather.
Orgasm control, especially when done to a person with a penis, is usually referred to as "edging." This involves bringing someone nearly to orgasm and then abruptly stopping the stimulation, then repeating as desired. If you're new to orgasm control, you probably already know that delayed gratification can make the end reward that much sweeter. You don't have to have any sort of rigid edging routine to explore orgasm control: If you're the submissive partner, simply relax and give your dominant partner permission to take your orgasm into their hands. Have them use their mouth or a sex toy to bring you close to climax, stopping right beforehand. When you can't wait any longer, let them help you cross the finish line and prepare for the most intense orgasm you've had in a while.
Candles are useful for more than just creating mood lighting. They can also be used for temperature play, or using hot and cold to provoke arousal during sexual play . (This technique can feature in both vanilla and BDSM encounters.)
In the case of candles, you can have a partner drizzle hot wax on your body, but don't just use candles you picked up from the grocery store: The wax from those can be a little too hot. Companies such as Jimmyjane make massage candles designed for sex, in erotic scents such as bourbon and ginger and date . These sex-specific candles burn at lower temperatures than most conventional ones and also melt into luxurious oil that you can use for erotic massage. Since role-play, especially anything that involves power dynamics, is great BDSM fun, try role-playing as a massage therapist and client — complete with a happy ending if you so choose.
Restraint is the crux of many BDSM scene. After you and your partner discuss what activities are on the table when one of you is tied up (perhaps that's spanking, nipple biting, and oral sex are) and what's off-limits (maybe you're not too keen on spitting or face slapping), the tying can begin. There are many great books out there to teach you some basic knot-tying skills, such as The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori, but you don't have to get fancy; just make sure the knot or tie is something you can undo when you're ready. You can buy some specialty bondage rope or even use a scarf or a bathrobe tie. Pro tip: Lay whatever material you're using flat against the skin so that it doesn't bunch up and threaten to cut off circulation. If you use rope, keep some safety shears around so that if one of your knots becomes stuck, you can simply cut through the rope.
Handcuffs are another common restraint tool, and they tend to be quite user-friendly. While ropes are highly versatile, you don't have worry about your tying skills with handcuffs, and since you can also use cuffs to ensure the submissive partner is unable to touch themselves, they're handy for experimenting with orgasm denial. Start with some comfy Velcro cuffs , or if you want a realistic-looking pair, try these metal handcuffs from the Fifty Shades of Grey line on for size.
Role-playing can help you get into a kinky mood as you take on the personas of people with power dynamics you want to explore, such as a boss and secretary or student and professor. Dressing up is a creative, liberating way to explore hidden desires, so if you're turned on by being dominant or submissive with your partner but feel a little nervous, the right outfit could help.
It can be as simple as something you already have at home, such as a tie or a plaid skirt, but sites like Lovehoney offer a dazzling range of affordable costume options . Do you want to be the patient who asks the hot doctor to examine them and test their orgasm? Have your partner throw on a stethoscope. Turned on by cheerleader role-play? Put your hair in pigtails and lean into the fantasy. Costumes help us step into the dominant or submissive roles we want to act out in bed. Even if you throw on a costume and end up having vanilla sex, who doesn't love an excuse to play dress-up as an adult?
Watch our wellness editor test this wild flavor of lube:
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Tying people up is fun! But how do you tie someone up? How do you tie up your girlfriend or other activity partner? Here’s how to tie someone up for the first time.
Communication is the key to all kinky play, and it’s absolutely essential when you’re tying someone up. Before any actual bondage takes place, talk to your activity partner about what you like, what you want to try, what you would be willing to try if they’re into it and what’s off limits. A yes/no/maybe list can help. If you’ve never tied someone up or been tied up, you won’t know how you’ll react or what you’ll feel even if you think you do, and it’s okay to slow down and check in often. (If your play involves one partner saying “no” or “stop” and another ignoring it, make sure you have a verbal or physical signalling system that’s obviously out of context, such as using stoplight colors or dropping something small and loud.) The goal is to have fun, but to do that you need to stay safe, sane and consensual, and communication is an important part of it.
Some of the best rope for bondage is thick silk, as it doesn’t slide or move around too much once you tie it off. ( Hemp and jute are perfect for shibari .) That kind of rope is expensive though, so unless you’re ready to really invest in rope bondage, go for solid-braid nylon rope around 1/4″ to 7/16″ in diameter from any hardware store or online . Unlike other types of rope, the knots will stay easy to untie even after you pull them around. In an earlier version of this guide, I recommended thick cotton rope, which is readily available, inexpensive and machine washable. However, cotton constricts when it gets wet, such as from sweat or other fluids, so consider other rope options first. Need incentive? Unlike other types of toys, rope is multipurpose. You can make handcuffs like those below, but you can also make your own flogger, strap-on harness or belt, not to mention the infinite ways there are to restrain someone .
Before you begin to tie someone up, keep the following safety tips in mind:
Go slowly. If you’re embarrassed to go slowly and feel self-conscious, try something like tying up your activity partner’s hands behind their back — they won’t be able to see what you’re doing or whether you’re secretly checking instructions on your phone, and going slower can feel agonizing in a good way. If you want to pretend to be extra confident, blindfold them .
Today’s rope handcuffs come from Back on the Ropes by Two Knotty Boys, a step-by-step guide to simple and intricate rope bondage. The directions below are for tying someone’s wrists together, but you could also tie someone’s ankles together, or tie wrists to ankles, or wrists or ankles to furniture. The wrap is thick enough that it feels very solid and comfortable, and you can leave ropes dangling to pull your activity partner around by or tuck them in and lead your partner around by pulling on the wrap itself. Or anything else you can think of!
1. Have your partner hold their wrists out with about two fists of space between them. Lay the rope over their wrists so the middle of the rope is roughly between their hands. Wrap each end around twice, for a total of five wraps.
2. Cross the ropes beneath the handcuffs-to-be. Then bring them up and around on the opposite sides from wherever they started (the back rope over the front and the front over the back).
3. Wrap each end of rope around, moving towards your activity partner’s wrists. Stop winding when you still have a small gap between the wrapped rope and their skin. You should end up with an equal number of wraps on each side of the first crossed ropes. If things look a little loose, twist each side in the direction you wound it to tighten everything. You may need to wrap each end once or twice more after.
4. Lift the last loop on the left side and tuck the end of the rope through the resulting circle from inside to out. Repeat on the other side to tie everything off. Pull on both ends of rope to make it secure. You can either tuck the remaining ends into the wrap (if they’re short), or you can use them to tie your activity partner to something else.
Congratulations, you have successfully tied someone up!
For more information, check out Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes and Back on the Ropes . You can also check out Autostraddle ‘s Shibari 101, a mini introduction to Japanese rope bondage that walks you through what shibari is, how to practice it safely and what building blocks you need to dive in.
Editor’s note: This post was updated December 2019 with current affiliate links, more comprehensive resources and minor copyedits.
Ryan Yates was the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com , with bylines in Nylon , Refinery29 , The Toast , Bitch , The Daily Beast , Jezebel , and elsewhere. They live in Los Angeles and also on twitter and instagram .
Ryan has written 1142 articles for us.
We're getting a little kinky this week with an intro to bondage! There's a lot to learn, ladies, and we'll be going deeper all month.
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Thanks for posting this :) Tip for newbies is to just go to Home Depot and buy Gardener’s Blue Ribbon Sturdy Stretch Plant Tie for $2 :D Very easy to use. It’s silky smooth, stretchy, but very strong. No rope burn! Thanks for posting this :)
Another option for if you’re slow and/or embarrassed: Blindfold your victim .. er .. partner while you do your ties. Add in some dirty talk and an occasional swat, and you can make the getting into bondage just as sexy as the rest of the play you have planned >:)
You missed the most important factor here… if you don’t trust the person that will be performing the bondage with your life don’t do it. Personally I would never allow myself to be tied up and never blindfolded and tied up, not by anyone. I use to work in the sex trade to include B&D and S&M if you want to experiment I would go to a reputable dominatrix’s and learn the ropes first, no pun intended.
Its not missed because for the scope of this article it was not necessary. I feel your thoughts are a bit on the extreme. It comes off as “OMG, dont BDSM with anyone you dont trust with your life”. If you are doing just simple sensual bondage then it isnt life threatening, especially the tie that was included in this article. Most bondage isnt “life” threatening. My wife trusts me with her life, but I wouldnt tie her because Im not confident enough with myself. So I like a local rope aficionado tie her. Would I trust him with her life? No. Would I trust him to tie her without risk of nerve or circulatory complications? Yep. Would I let him suspend her? no, not till I became more acquainted with him and his abilities. This article covers the risks of rope bondage pretty well, especially for the tie that is being shown.
This takes an incredible amount of trust and vulnerability. I’m not sure I’d have that in me. But always good to know :)
I’ve forwarded this to my partner, neither of us know how to knot properly yet. Thank you!
Ps: For beginners – although it generally doesn’t end up in great aesthetic value – bondage tape (tape that only sticks to itself) works super well.
Lovely article. That looks like fun!
I prefer fuzzy leopard print handcuffs.
one of my fave AS articles, thanks Carolyn!
Some quick safety tips, from a professional dominatrix:
In addition to what’s been mentio
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