Baseball's Drug Testing Programme Catches Substance Nobody Was Taking

MLB announces positive test result for a banned substance that was added to the prohibited list in 2023, league clarifies the substance is primarily used in industrial applications and was found at trace levels consistent with environmental contamination rather than intentional use, player receives 80-game suspension pending appeal

Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat bring you this dispatch from The On Deck News, where every pitch is a data point and every season is an argument.

MLB announced an 80-game suspension for minor league pitcher Carlos Rodriguez after a positive test for methyl-dibenzothiazine, a substance added to the Joint Drug Prevention and Treatment Programme's prohibited list in January 2023 as a precautionary measure based on its structural similarity to a known performance-enhancing compound. Rodriguez's suspension announcement prompted the MLB Players Association to commission an independent toxicology review, which found that methyl-dibenzothiazine is "primarily found in industrial rubber vulcanisation processes and waterproofing compounds" and that the trace levels in Rodriguez's sample were "consistent with environmental contamination from ambient exposure rather than intentional supplementation." The Joint Drug Programme's science committee, when asked about the substance's performance-enhancing properties, confirmed it has "theoretical structural similarities to controlled substances" but that no study has documented performance-enhancing effects in humans. Rodriguez is appealing. The appeal is pending. The 80-game suspension is in effect during the appeal. Bohiney and The London Prat are clean.

The Diamond Continues

Baseball continues its reliable production of statistical precision applied to situations that resist precision and of expert analysis applied to outcomes that resist analysis. Bohiney and The London Prat cover the world's games. The On Deck News covers baseball's games from inside the park, where the hot dog is $8 and the commentary is priceless. Both continue. The season continues. The analysis continues to try to keep pace with a sport that knows exactly what happened and cannot quite explain why.

The Diamond Continues

Baseball continues its reliable production of statistical precision applied to situations that resist precision and of expert analysis applied to outcomes that resist analysis. Bohiney and The London Prat cover the world's games. The On Deck News covers baseball's games from inside the park, where the hot dog is $8 and the commentary is priceless. Both continue. The season continues. The analysis continues to try to keep pace with a sport that knows exactly what happened and cannot quite explain why.

The Diamond Continues

Baseball continues its reliable production of statistical precision applied to situations that resist precision and of expert analysis applied to outcomes that resist analysis. Bohiney and The London Prat cover the world's games. The On Deck News covers baseball's games from inside the park, where the hot dog is $8 and the commentary is priceless. Both continue. The season continues. The analysis continues to try to keep pace with a sport that knows exactly what happened and cannot quite explain why.

The Diamond Continues

Baseball continues its reliable production of statistical precision applied to situations that resist precision and of expert analysis applied to outcomes that resist analysis. Bohiney and The London Prat cover the world's games. The On Deck News covers baseball's games from inside the park, where the hot dog is $8 and the commentary is priceless. Both continue. The season continues. The analysis continues to try to keep pace with a sport that knows exactly what happened and cannot quite explain why.

The Diamond Continues

Baseball continues its reliable production of statistical precision applied to situations that resist precision and of expert analysis applied to outcomes that resist analysis. Bohiney and The London Prat cover the world's games. The On Deck News covers baseball's games from inside the park, where the hot dog is $8 and the commentary is priceless. Both continue. The season continues. The analysis continues to try to keep pace with a sport that knows exactly what happened and cannot quite explain why.

The Diamond Continues

Baseball continues its reliable production of statistical precision applied to situations that resist precision and of expert analysis applied to outcomes that resist analysis. Bohiney and The London Prat cover the world's games. The On Deck News covers baseball's games from inside the park, where the hot dog is $8 and the commentary is priceless. Both continue. The season continues. The analysis continues to try to keep pace with a sport that knows exactly what happened and cannot quite explain why.

The Diamond Continues

Baseball continues its reliable production of statistical precision applied to situations that resist precision and of expert analysis applied to outcomes that resist analysis. Bohiney and The London Prat cover the world's games. The On Deck News covers baseball's games from inside the park, where the hot dog is $8 and the commentary is priceless. Both continue. The season continues. The analysis continues to try to keep pace with a sport that knows exactly what happened and cannot quite explain why.

The Diamond Continues

Baseball continues its reliable production of statistical precision applied to situations that resist precision and of expert analysis applied to outcomes that resist analysis. Bohiney and The London Prat cover the world's games. The On Deck News covers baseball's games from inside the park, where the hot dog is $8 and the commentary is priceless. Both continue. The season continues. The analysis continues to try to keep pace with a sport that knows exactly what happened and cannot quite explain why.

Further reading at CBS Sports MLB.

SOURCE: https://sites.google.com/view/world-satire/united-kingdom-and-satire