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Home > Dating & Sex > 30 Kinky BDSM Ideas to Try with your SO Tonight
You may have already heard of the four-letter term BDSM at any time in the past – but when it is actually uttered, thoughts of toys, positions, and rules may be quite overwhelming… scary even! To some, we don’t even know what the word implies. If you’re looking for BDSM ideas, you’ve come to the right place.
For starters, BDSM stands for Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism. All these are subs in the wide world of kinks. For a lot of people, BDSM is something new. It can be an opportunity to explore ideas of power and control. It can also be a chance for you to discover things you never knew could turn you on.
And while BDSM can be all of these elements, it can also sometimes just be bondage sex or any other element alone. No need to pressure yourself into getting into all these when your or your SO’s comfort level is just at bondage or some other element.
Also, BDSM may not necessarily mean penetration and is just a standalone exercise for sexual satisfaction.
If there is one thing we would like to emphasize enough, it is that when going into BDSM, you should always take into your utmost consideration your and your SO’s safety. As such, we have rounded up a few things to include in your checklist before going into BDSM.
And so update your kink list as we give you the best of everything BDSM – from role-playing, essentials, to positions – here are 30 of the hottest BDSM ideas you can get into tonight!
This is perhaps one of the most popular fantasies in both men and women. The teacher and student scenario can come in two different ways. Both the “I failed my last exam and I will do anything to get a passing grade” + unzip pants scenario; or the “You are a bad student and needs to be punished” + unzip pants scenario are both hot options.
Both ways, the pants fall to the floor, and that’s what we’re all concerned about.
We know they’re supposed to be in the kitchen but the maid just made you so mad! Punish the maid and let her see who’s boss.
This is one of the most popular BDSM ideas and is just perfect timing to use those handcuffs. Cuff her nice and good and start the interrogations for the bad things she’s done.
A comprehensive physical exam is being called for. Tell your patient you want her in excellent physical health and so… take that dress off and bend over.
Don’t forget to reprimand her for not following doctor’s orders!
A secretary with bad work ethics can be made badder. Reprimand her in more ways than the memo for not submitting the reports on time.
Another of those BDSM ideas that while popular, works!
One of the most popular BDSM games around is when daddy’s little girl got naughty today. She needs to be punished. Pigtails, lollipops, and a good amount of spanking never grow old.
What does she mean she cannot pay for the pizza you delivered? Make your way in and let her know she can pay you in another way.
Put your pet on a leash and make sure she doesn’t scratch the furniture. Or have her sit on your lap or tie her to a bedpost so she doesn’t wander around; or for extreme plays, have her get inside a cage when she misbehaves.
And here’s one more. Have her eat from a bowl on the floor.
The villainess is captured. Tie her up and make sure to get her out of that tight-fitting costume to reveal her real identity. And make sure to castigate her for all the bad things she’s done.
Wrestling is always the perfect prologue to hot, kinky encounters.
There is just something in this BDSM game that’s sizzling, what with you being pinned down by that hot, wrestler chick. And just when she thinks she’s winning, you overpower her and gain the upper hand. You stay on top amidst all that squirming.
Any form of verbal degradation and humiliation can be extremely kinky if (let’s make that a big IF), you both take pleasure in this kind of play.
Note: always discuss and respect boundaries first.
Exciting times ahead as you go out to dinner or a party with her not wearing anything behind that dress. You can also have her wear a sex toy, a vibrator perhaps. And right in the smack of the public eye, put on your naughtiest and press that button that connects to the vibrator. See how much your SO tries to stifle a groan, a moan, and everything hot.
A vibrator is just one of the many basic toys you can incorporate in your BDSM adventures. Read on to find out more about these essentials.
While we’ve discussed mostly BDSM ideas on role-playing, much of these require sex toys , restraints, and must-have essentials, one of which is the ball gag .
We’ve been taught not to talk when the mouth is full. The gag is not just merely teaching it; it is enforcing it. Gags are ideal for limiting your SO’s speech and breathing. Tie her up, gag her and you get a submissive that’s bowing down to your every wish.
It is also usual to find the sub drooling while wearing a gag and that adds a bit more humiliation for the SO wearing it. That’s good enough punishment as it is.
BDSM toys and must-haves are all about limiting one or more senses of the sub. As such, blindfolds and hoods are just some of the most popular BDSM essentials around.
Depriving one of your senses intensifies the other remaining sensory structures and so, in an attempt to even up, most would feel the intensity in their sense of smell or taste.
Going back to the blindfold, most that are sold have aesthetic considerations in mind but if you are good with just about anything, a scarf or a sleep mask would do just fine.
Usually made of leather, a BDSM collar can also double up as a leash when needed but aside from these uses, collars are worn by the sub that is in a relationship signifying ownership. Sort of like an “I am taken” signal. Or to make it simple, it is a wedding ring in the world of BDSM.
Floggers , riding crops, and paddles are very common examples of spanking tools. Each of these also has varying degrees of pain caused, starting with the floggers that causes just a little bit of pain to riding crops that are on the stingy part of the pain, to paddles that causes much of a thud than a sting.
Careful with the spanking tools as they can cause unwanted pain when incorrectly used but when the little girl is bad, daddy needs to spank!
Canes and rods are also spanking tools but cause much pain when incorrectly used so it is always wise to exercise caution while swinging and not get overly carried away with the spanking.
When canes and rods are causing that much pain, whips are on a different level. Get yourself practiced and your whip-expertise leveled up before using this on your SO.
Nipple clamps can be a bit tad overwhelming for any beginner. Aside from it coming in different types, it can also be used in varying forms. Some nipple clamps can be used for pleasure, some for breast torture, while others can be as a form of restraint.
The sensations your SO feels depend on the type of nipple clamp you get as much as on the sensitivity of the nipple. But whether it’s for pleasure or pain, nipple clamps can be used by almost everyone and with a variety of choices in the market, your possibilities for BDSM ideas are endless.
Playing the police officer in you, handcuffs can be so sizzling hot. A BDSM essential that is used to keep the arms together and contained, your handcuffed SO will not have any choice but to stay put and accept her destiny of hot, erotic sex!
If you’re feeling a little bit hesitant about causing your SO some pain but would still want to add discipline to the play, feather ticklers may be your best bet.
Its use is quite simple. Just run the feather tickler along your SO’s privates, nipples, or other sensitive parts and see how she squirms from all the pleasure you’re causing. Blindfolding your SO can potentially amplify this BDSM game’s excitement. But that’s not all. Make sure to stop when she’s about to come… until she begs and learns.
The main reason for using a bondage rope is to keep your SO tied to furniture such as a bed, a couch, or a bench. Your SO’s vulnerability is not just sexy but kinky as well. As dominant in this exercise, there is nothing that pleases you more than seeing your SO available, ready and accepting to your every whim.
Take caution, though, and as mentioned earlier, you need to have a certain amount of knowledge on the art of rope bondage. Don’t just tie her up without any form of practice!
For a mouth that just won’t stop, this is your best bet.
Bondage tapes are different from your usual duct tape.
Aside from the bratty lips, bondage tapes can also be used to keep in place thrashing arms or legs. One word of caution, though, is to make sure you do not impede the blood circulation. Not too tight there!
Consisting of a bar and a cuff on each end, a spreader bar , as the name itself implies, keeps your SO’s arms or legs wide apart. It adds extra restraint, just allowing you to penetrate whatever needs to be penetrated with so much ease.
It could also be used to instill discipline on your sub.
Speaking of discipline, one of the milder BDSM ideas to acquaint your SO with BDSM discipline is on edging.
Edging, as the name itself implies, is when you try to bring your SO to orgasm and just when it’s about to burst, you stop. You see now where you’re bringing her with that? To the edge, hence, the term.
Edging is a good way to instill discipline in that it makes her see who has direct control over who. And the bonus part? It leads to one explosive orgasmic experience.
You never did expect disciplining your SO can be so hot, didn’t you?
You see, when you get tickled, you would expect giggles and fun. When does it become punishment? Consider tickling your sub while she’s bound or cuffed, gagged even, and is in no way able to stop the tickling even with all the thrashing and squirming.
Of course, you have to see if your partner consents to the tickling but if she does, do not just assume you can tickle her all you want. Employ a safe word so you’d know when you’re about to cross boundaries.
Now, this here is a bit on the extreme side of things. Figging is one of those BDSM ideas that involves sticking something into your SO’s behind or even her privates – this time, freshly-cut ginger.
In case you’re scratching your head, the ginger serves as a warming agent, the warming sensation of which later turns into a burning sensation. And coupled with a little bit of light to moderate spanking, figging can become more than hot!
Rest assured, figging will, in no way, physically harm your partner.
Another of the extreme choices is with the employ of bondage candles.
Bondage sex becomes literally hotter with the use of bondage candles. Don’t worry, though. Because although it inflicts light to moderate pain, bondage candles don’t burn the skin.
Some extreme practices of BDSM involve dripping bondage candles into the vagina area!
The term also comes in many other forms. Vagina torture is taking it to the extremes by involving the application of pressure or pain to your SO’s vulva or vagina.
This includes activities like clamping, squeezing, or even employing a crotch rope to be used for your SO’s privates.
And as with all other BDSM ideas, there should be consent before getting into this. And while we may sound like a broken record, please remain safe.
Should you lack confidence in handling these positions, you may try a few more basic BDSM ideas like this next entry.
One of the basic positions in bondage sex, the chair bondage requires for your SO to be sitting on a chair or anything you can use as bondage furniture. You can have your SO sit tight, or repel the thrashing and flailing arms by tying her down.
While giving you limited access, this position plays for more oral sex or various other plays on your kink list. This, here, is a little bit friendlier… a bit milder, but hot nonetheless.
Make your SO vulnerable with this bondage sex position. Tie the arms behind the neck and as the name itself suggests, make sure to gag her for a kinkier experience.
The position requires less flexibility from your SO but still gives you enough control and dominance over her.
The addition of the gag and the drool that comes with gagging is an exciting addition.
If there’s one thing to remind you of, it should be that you employ non-verbal safewords in case you’ve crossed the boundaries.
BDSM is an exciting and adventurous way of exploring yourself and your partner. But while it adds spice to your sex life and could perhaps cross out a few things on your kink list, much caution is advised when it comes to trying BDSM ideas.
It is with utmost care that you should approach the practice of BDSM, bondage sex, and everything that goes with it. Take baby steps. Learn from each experience. And most important of all, respect your SO and the boundaries that you’ve both set.
Only then will you be able to discover yourselves and bring your sex life to newer heights. And if you’re just starting out, we recommend you try these easy sex positions .

Marco is a writer for Maxim Online. He's one of the quieter members on the team, which is why he lets his voice be heard through his writing. He's always open to taking on new topics and isn't afraid to step out of his comfort zone.

Marco is a writer for Maxim Online. He's one of the quieter members on the team, which is why he lets his voice be heard through his writing. He's always open to taking on new topics and isn't afraid to step out of his comfort zone.
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Published May 4, 2015 11:00PM (EDT)

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I met Jill Brenneman in 2011 at a conference for sex workers in Asheville, North Carolina. Standing behind a podium ironically flanked by crosses, the tall redhead delivered a presentation so spellbinding that the audience seemed to breathe and gasp in unison. Her story of brutal rape, of slavery, of dungeons, of "50 Shades of Grey" bondage gone horribly awry, was so dark and harrowing that one wondered how she had even survived, much less summoned the strength to stand before us.
As I came to know her over the years, to enjoy her dry sense of humor, her keen intelligence, her blunt manner of speaking that forces you to take off every mask, I learned the other side of her story too. Her real story is not a tragedy. It is a lesson of redemption and courage, second chances and taking chances. Above all, it is a story of empowerment.
Jill was born in New Hampshire during the '60s, the daughter of a prominent, middle-class family with ties to the local school board. But secrets seethed beneath the family’s respectable exterior. Jill was raped for the first time at 5 years old when she wandered unknowingly into a bedroom during a sex act between her mother and her mother’s boyfriend. Enraged, her mother offered the boyfriend the opportunity to penetrate her daughter. She told him it was a punishment, and to make it hurt. He was happy to accommodate. Later, the boyfriend decided that little Jill was an exciting fringe benefit and continued to rape her with her mother’s full knowledge and consent.
At the end of 9th grade, Jill’s parents moved to a new house. She was informed that there was no room for her and she would have to find a new place to live. With only $100 in her pocket, Jill hitchhiked to Cincinnati to live with a friend. When the friend’s parents turned her away, Jill became homeless. At the time, she was 15 years old.
“I went out into the streets,” she says. “I spent all my money at an arcade on 'Pacman' and 'Space Invaders.' Then I realized that I had no money for food. That’s when the enormity of being homeless really hit.”
Jill began staking out cafés, where she would snatch sandwiches and run. She ate out of dumpsters and slept in the cemetery where police wouldn’t bother her; the sprinkler system provided a way to get clean. She was lonely, unhappy and overwhelmed. Then Bruce walked into her life.
“I met Bruce while I was sitting in the mall one day,” she recalls. “He looked like my teenage crush, Lindsey Buckingham from Fleetwood Mac. He came up to me and said 'Hi.' He was gorgeous and charming. He picked up that I was a homeless runaway and was really sympathetic. I thought, ‘Gosh, somebody finally understands and cares.’”
Bruce told Jill that he ran an entertainment agency and offered her a chance to audition. Excited at the prospect of work, but also wary, Jill asked if the “position” would involve prostitution. She didn’t want to do that. Bruce stood up angrily, shouting that she had asked a stupid question and he wasn’t going to help her. As he stormed off, Jill ran after him and begged him to reconsider, promising that she would ask no more questions. Bruce relented and invited her into his car, where he blindfolded her.
“As soon as he put the blindfold on, I knew something was wrong,” says Jill. “But I was already in the back of his car and I didn’t know what to do. He kept telling me we were going to his office downtown, but I could tell from the sounds outside that we had gotten off the freeway and were somewhere rural. At one point we stopped and I heard a garage door go up. We stepped out of the car into a place that s
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