Bad Parenting Caught Having Sex
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Date nights for you and your boo have been few and far between for a laundry list of reasons (although the laundry itself thankfully isn’t actually one of them). So when y’all quiet the household, tuck in the children, and steal away to your boudoir for a long overdue night together, it's full of unbridled romance and passion — until your 8-year-old opens the door and sees you, his mother, tangled up in an act of naughtiness.
Get the therapist on line one. Pronto.
You’ve managed to shield him from those types of scenes by forbidding him from after-hours shows on HBO and Cinemax, but here Junior gets a bird’s eye view in his own home of his own parents doing the deed that brought him into creation. He sat through The Talk about the birds and the bees, but never did you ever think you’d have to include Mommy and Daddy as visual aides.
Now, what do you say to a kid who’s been an eyewitness to his parents having sex?
I read a blog recently where a young man who had the misfortune of coming home from school early only to catch his mom and dad gettin’ it on in their bedroom feared he may be emotionally scarred. I laughed, but I don’t blame him. I was raised by a single mother who, to my knowledge, didn’t date the entire time I was growing up, so that was never a threat in my house. (I’m just going to pause here for a resounding ‘thank you, Jesus!’) But I heard horror stories about kids walking in on their parents all the time.
And now that I actually am a mom, it’s creepy to be on the other side of the game.
When kids are young, you can play it off — as so many parents do — by telling them that Mommy and Daddy were playing a game or simply send them packing with a pat on the head and a cookie to distract them. Unless they give you a play-by-play of the unfolding action like this way-too-attentive little girl:
Of course, your first inclination is to have all of your calls forwarded to a nice, isolated spot under your bed, where you’ve crawled to avoid any and all eye contact with your child. But I think openness is more in order to help smooth the situation over. You can give them the talk about sex being natural, about the two of you being in love and that’s what people in love do, about it being an expression that comes along with being an adult. Key word: adult, since we want to try and stretch abstinence for as much and as long as it’s worth.
Is it humiliating? Probably. Awkward? Most definitely, for everyone involved. But leaving that massive matzo ball hanging out there — much like your behind when you were suspended in mid-air on that fateful evening — isn’t serving to make the situation any less uncomfortable. It gives the kids a heap of unanswered questions and a reason to look at their mama and papa with that weird kid side eye.
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Have you ever been caught in the act? What did you say to your kids?
As soon as school's out, kids are so thrilled for the absolute freedom of an entire summer outside of a classroom. And we remember that feeling, right? Being so excited to run around with our friends, take time off from the stresses of school bullies and standardized tests, our only actual responsibility hitting the summer reading list ... and we definitely didn't have to start on those books right away. But we also know how totally different the story is for moms, right?
Summer goes from being a fun break to actively parenting way more extra hours in the day, and with the kids unoccupied with stuff like homework and school sports, they're just so much more inventive about finding ways to get into trouble. But the truth is, there are some great ways to keep kids occupied for the summer -- and they don't even have to cost a ton. Most of these are free, and the rest are all inexpensive!
It's possible to keep the kids entertained all summer, even on a rainy summer afternoon when they have to stay inside. For moms who love lists, try making a summer family bucket list, and working through it the entire summer. When the weather heats up, turn to summertime hacks to survive the heat, which absolutely saves us on ridiculously hot days. And don't feel alone when mama starts to lose it and can't wait for summer to be over, because it's all of us.
This summer, kids can sign up for free creative camps through Microsoft, including the Harry Potter Creative Coding Workshop, Gaming Summer Camp, and a camp where kids can make their own video games!
For families that are more Macbook-oriented, check out the free Apple Camp programs. Here, kids can learn how to create their own songs with GarageBand, design a dream park with iPad, learn how to code robots ... and more.
We love this idea of turning a regular pool noodle into a super special steed! Check out these ideas for DIY pool noodle stick horses, which are fun to make and totally inexpensive to craft. Bring them to the local community pool!
It's an oldie but a goodie -- on super hot summer days, our favorite location is always the local public library! Sometimes there are treats like guest readers, and other times, kids just get to be in a space where learning and is relaxed and encouraged. Plus, we get to sneak a chapter or two of our own books in.
After selecting some books at the library, make special bookmarks to use in the books. These tie dye bookmarks with sharpies and rubbing alcohol are low-cost, fun to make, and are a great way to distinguish the library books from others in the home!
For kids who are into photography, they can participate in the Ranger Rick Photo Contest! We know one parent who gave their kid an old, broken iPhone to use as her camera, which has now taken on a new life of its own!
Enroll kids in the "Kids Skate Free" program -- which is available in most states -- and they'll get to burn calories, build muscle, increase coordination ... and do it all while having a ton of fun (and at no cost)!
Yes, normally we wouldn't think of Pottery Barn as a place for kids to hang out, either. But it turns out that its Weekly Story Time event is actually really awesome! We love getting the chance to take kids there (and maybe browse some items for ourselves).
Now this would have been motivating when we were kids! Kids go two whole weeks with good table manners, and they can get 10 free play points at Chuck E Cheese's. There's a free points system on the restaurant's site that can reward everything from being good at the doctor's office to reading, too!
This reading program from Cap Com Federal Credit Union can help reward kids by letting them earn up to $10 a season (at a rate of $2 a book) during summer, winter, and fall. They can earn up to $30 a year this way!
Whether it's a day that's pouring rain or a day that's just plain too hot to go out and play, it's a great day for crafts! Show kids how to make these inexpensive, adorable coffee filter butterflies and they'll want to show their friends, too!
It doesn't matter whether anyone in the family currently plays an instrument. Learning something new is a good example for kids who can see us struggle and then get better at something -- and can play with them, too!
We love the idea of inspiring kids to enjoy cooking, and one of the best ways to get them loving spending time in the kitchen is to start off with crafts we can eat. We love this summer skies Jell-O snack, for instance, which replicates the color of the summer sky!
Encourage kids to learn different ways to fold paper airplanes -- starting with this basic dart paper airplane -- and encourage them to innovate, and then host weekly contests which lead to a championship at the end of the month (with a pretty good prize at the end).
Why not encourage kids to start a new athletic program in the off-season? There are plenty of local summer clinics for kids, including free meet-ups -- they're not all super-intensive, expensive summer camps -- we promise!
We love making stuff with kids in the summer, and we especially love it when something that's usually for older kids is made easier for younger children. Check out this article on how to tie dye with preschoolers for more.
Making bird feeders together helps encourage wildlife and can be really cost-effective, too. Check out these orange cup bird feeders, which recycle orange peels to use as the base.
One of the best things to do in the summer is spend time on the water! We love kayaking in the summer, and it's an inexpensive way to spend time on the water, too. Of course, this is a better activity for older children.
Help kids learn about nature and save money in the long run by growing vegetables and herbs that can be used in cooking all summer -- and into the fall, too! Work in a garden with kids and give them a delicious, useful hobby for the rest of their lives.
For families who don't have access to garden space, try painting pretty flowerpots and growing plants indoors or on a balcony in the summer. Check out this guide on painting clay pots, which can help with figuring out the right supplies to buy.
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My 9-year-old son knocks. The noises in our bedroom stop, abruptly. "Yes?" he hears. "Ummm, is everything OK?" "Yes, honey, get back in bed. I'll be there in a few minutes." So what did we tell him? Brace yourself. We told him the truth.
Dr. G is a nationally known parenting and youth development expert.
11/29/2011 03:47pm EST | Updated January 29, 2012
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If you and your partner got "caught" in bed by your kid, what would you say?
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Parenting magazines often run cute stories on "Things to Say at That Awkward Moment!" My favorite of these helpful tidbits was this suggestion, "Oh, honey! Daddy was helping Mommy look for a quarter she lost!" Where, exactly? Anyway...
Most parents have at least considered this moment. Then we do the mental equivalent of sticking our fingers in our ears and closing our eyes to block out the horrific, therapy-requiring fallout that we imagine.
Practically speaking, we lock the door and hope for the best.
But childhood is long, and good marriages are lubricated (I know, sorry!) by sex. Don't most of us have a time-we-heard-our-parents-doing-it story?
Here is my 9-year-old son's story. He can't fall asleep. He hears a noise. Noises. Weird noises, coming from his parents' bedroom across the hall. Is someone crying, or angry? Heart pounding, he gets out of bed and stands outside the door for a minute, listening. More noises. He knocks. The noises stop, abruptly. "Yes?" he hears. "Ummm, is everything OK?" "Yes, honey, get back in bed. I'll be there in a few minutes."
So what did we tell him? Brace yourself. We told him the truth.
What?! Well, think about it. In your friends' stories about "catching" their parents, didn't they know (or figure out later) what was going on? Did the lies their parents told -- an allergy attack, an upsetting phone call, a TV program turned up too loud -- ever fool them? No. It drove a wedge in the communication, made it clear that kids can talk to their parents about anything... except sex.
Later, sitting on the edge of my son's bed, "Remember we told you last year about sex?" "Uh-huh." "That's what we were doing." Pause, while I brace myself for hysteria.
"Oh, OK. It sounded like it hurt." Brain spinning, stall, stall... then I say "Have you ever heard one of your brothers in a different room and you couldn't tell if he was laughing or crying?" "Sure." "It's like that. It doesn't hurt at all, but it's a strong feeling." "Oh. I'm glad you're OK." That was it.
The main reason my husband and I decided in our hurried conversation to tell him the truth was this: we keep demanding honesty from our kids. We'd rather talk about hard stuff then send a message that certain topics are off-limits for discussion.
Lying to those who know you best is fraught with peril. You get stuck in the details, or your child senses an inconsistency. If they pursue any kind of questioning, you get defensive or angry, cutting them off with emotions that don't match the moment, from their point of view. Why are you angry that I'm asking who was on the phone, or what you're allergic to? The whole thing leaves both parties with a very bad feeling in their gut.
So lock the door. Be quiet. And consider telling the truth if you get "caught."
Will he still need therapy? Sure. Because now his story ends "... and then my Mom wrote about it for the Huffington Post." So, if you see him, don't bring it up, OK? Or else toss us a twenty for the Therapy Fund.
Connect with Dr. G at www.AskDoctorG.com, on Twitter: @AskDocG, facebook: www.facebook.com/AskDoctorG or email drg@AskDoctorG.com.
Raise the kind of person you'd like to know
Subscribe to our parenting newsletter.
Dr. G is a nationally known parenting and youth development expert.
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Bad Parenting Caught Having Sex
