Baby Sister Xxx

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This painting was exhibited at the Royal Academy in 1933.

Penlee House Gallery & Museum
Penzance

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© the artist's estate / Bridgeman Images . Photo credit: Penlee House Gallery & Museum
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© the artist's estate / Bridgeman Images . Photo credit: Penlee House Gallery & Museum

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Countering "going to do it anyway."

I recently completed a graduate course in character education in which we were required to carry out an "action project." For my project I chose to use character-based sex education to try to instill in my younger sister and her friend the self-respect, self-control, and courage needed to lead moral, fulfilling, and healthy lives.
I wanted to inform my 14-year-old sister Kathy about something that I unfortunately just began to take seriously: abstinence. Sure, I have always known what the word meant, but I had never considered it an option for me, until recently. I felt that it was my responsibility to pass the philosophy of abstinence on to my sister because I know that she will not get it in the "going to do it anyway" program that is used at her high school. Also, she is a virgin (her friend is, too), so I wanted to show her how important it is to hold onto that purity.
I started these discussions when I accidentally overheard my sister Kathy, and her friend, Michelle, talking about a "slut" that one of their friends was dating. I asked them why they considered her a slut, and Michelle responded: "She has slept with at least eight guys already, and she is easy." I asked them to think about why this girl is so promiscuous. Kathy said, "She's trying to keep a boyfriend." They assumed that having sex was a way of holding onto a boyfriend and showing love for one another. They also assumed that condoms would protect them from disease and pregnancy and that having sex had no implications for their future adult lives. My goal was to dispel all these myths.
We first tackled the issue of sex as "showing love" or "keeping a boyfriend." I used the girl they were talking about as an example of how boyfriends come and go whether girls have intercourse with them or not. We also talked about girls' feelings when they are rejected after giving part of themselves to another person. I then told them about my having pre-marital sex, and how I wished these relationships had never occurred and that the only true way to find out if a guy loves you is to make him wait until marriage.

We talked about the self-respect and courage involved in leading sexually abstinent lives until marriage. These two young girls developed a new awareness of how truly loving relationships and commitments develop and are sustained. Their awareness was evident in their response to my disclosing that I recently told my boyfriend that I wanted to abstain from sex from now on and he said he could not do this. I asked Kathy and Michelle if they thought the relationship was worth continuing, and they both said, "No, he does not love you if he won't wait for you." I was proud of their answer.
I gave real-life examples of teens who became pregnant or who contracted STDs even with the use of condoms; one of those persons was a close friend of mine.
I also wanted to make these girls aware of the physical dangers of pre-marital sex. I gave real-life examples of teens who became pregnant or who contracted STDs even with the use of condoms; one of those persons was a close friend of mine. They were shocked to find out that this friend contracted herpes from sexual intercourse while using a condom. We considered the possible implications of such diseases: the inability to conceive a baby, passing on a sexual disease to your spouse, and transmitting a disease to your baby in the womb or during delivery.
Besides being more confident in their virginity, Kathy and Michelle have now set the personal goal of saving sex for marriage. They also no longer pick apart boys or girls who are sexually active by calling them "sluts" or "pimps" but instead focus on the deeper consequences of such behaviors and on what promiscuous girls and boys must be lacking in their lives.
My sister and Michelle have recently asked two of their friends to join us in our discussions. I've also shared my project with the parents of these girls. These parents are beginning to realize that abstinence-based sex education is more beneficial than the model now used at their daughters' high school.
A pdf version of this article is available here .
Jessica Burberry. "Teaching my younger sister about sex and love." excellence & ethics (Summer, 1998).
Reprinted with permission. Excellence & Ethics , published by the Center for the 4th and 5th Rs , is the education letter of the Smart & Good Schools Project. It features essays, research, and K-12 best practices that help school leaders, teachers, students, parents, and community members do their best work (performance character) and do the right thing (moral character).
excellence & ethics is published twice a year and may be subscribed to, without cost, here .
Jessica Burberry (a pseudonym) is a first-year elementary school teacher and a graduate student in education at SUNY Cortland.
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More stories to check out before you go
Ireland: The two-year-old boy was born in 2012 after his 13-year-old mum became pregnant by her 15-year-old brother.

The teenage boy disputed he was the father, but DNA testing proved the baby was his son.

A High Court judge has now ruled that the agreement of the toddler's mother to a freeing order can be dispensed with because she is incapable of giving consent, the Irish Mirror reports.
Mr Justice O’Hara's verdict came in a case involving family circumstances described as “depressing” and “hugely unsatisfactory”.

Both the mother and her son were taken into care - in different settings - within months of the birth. With no suitable family arrangements available, the toddler has since been placed with another couple.
The Trust involved in the case sought a freeing order on the basis that it is in the boy’s bests interests to be adopted - a view the judge held to be clearly correct.

Although the child’s father took little part in the proceedings, Mr Justice O’Hara had to decide whether the mother’s agreement should be dispensed with because she is incapable of giving consent or whether she is unreasonably withholding consent.

Now aged 16, the court heard she has had an “exceptionally difficult life” with recurring social services involvement due to a variety of concerns about her, her siblings and her mother and step-father.
“None of this is her fault - she is a victim of the way in which she was raised,” the judge said. “It is hard to identify any positive life experience which she has enjoyed.”

An educational psychologist’s report on her mathematical ability found only 3% of pupils the same age would have scored the same or lower on a numerical operations test and just 16% on reasoning. She produced stronger results on reading and spelling abilities.

With staff at her children’s home categorising her as “a very vulnerable young girl”, the judge also detailed a consultant child and adolescent psychiatrist’s report which “sets out in grim detail how miserable her life has been”.

The expert stated: “She is not in a position to fully understand the possible consequences of the various decisions which have to be made for herself and for the boy.

“Her reluctance to fully engage in the assessment process is one manifestation of this but the history and her responses during interviews have also informed my opinion in this regard.”
Based on her reports Mr Justice O’Hara ruled that the mother is not competent to make a decision on whether the child should be adopted.

In a judgement made public last week he said: “She is undoubtedly capable of making some decisions as is shown by some elements of the psychological assessment but not a decision which is of a magnitude and which has the consequences of the present one.

“It appears to me that this finding on her competence undermines the proposition that she can be properly regarded as unreasonably withholding her agreement to adoption.”

The judge confirmed: “I am satisfied that the agreement of the mother to the making of an adoption order for the child should be dispensed with because she is incapable of giving her agreement.”

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