Baby Kids Sex

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It’s one of those things that tend to fall down the priority list when a baby comes along. I should know; I have two kids myself! But I’m also a sexologist, so I have plenty of tricks for turning up the heat between the sheets—or wherever you want.
As a sexologist, I’m in the business of coaching people on how to have great sex, a topic still considered taboo by many. When I was growing up, my mom and tías rarely discussed intimacy—not even periods. My burning questions eventually led me to study human sexuality and dedicate my career to educating others.
So you’d think I’d have it all figured out when it comes to sex. But with a tween and an infant at home, it’s not always easy to make time for love. For starters, in the past six months, my husband, Matt, and I have barely managed to get sleep. And, if I’m being completely honest, I smell like baby spit-up pretty much 24/7 these days! All of that can make it hard to feel sexy.
But it’s like I tell my clients, great sex doesn’t just happen. It takes effort and creativity to reignite your relationship. Here's where to start.
Couple Laying On Carpet With Cherries
Bringing a calendar into your sex life might sound like a real mood killer. But you can’t always rely on spontaneous desire. Instead, help yourself get in the mood by scheduling sex. It helps build anticipation throughout the day and even increases arousal at your partner’s touch. After all, skin-to-skin contact is so important. It promotes the production of feel-good hormones such as oxytocin, reduces anxiety, and boosts intimacy. That’s why I’m not shy about planning sex. At least once a week, I’ll send my husband a little meeting invite with just an emoji, either a red heart or the smiling purple devil. He knows that’s our code.
I learned from my first baby that I wouldn’t be feeling quite like myself postpartum. So I asked Matt to be my own personal body-positivity coach after baby #2 arrived. That meant telling me I was beautiful even when my belly felt flabby and my breasts leaky.
It also required complete honesty on my part. Keep in mind, your post-baby sex drive will be naturally low because of intense hormonal changes and lack of sleep. Be open with your partner if you feel uneasy about getting intimate again. You can say something like, “I’m not sure how this part is going to feel,” and then get through it together.
I know what you’re thinking: “Who has time for foreplay?” But, ladies, it makes all the difference. Women need about 20 minutes to feel completely aroused, and increasing desire slowly helps make sex more pleasurable. Since your body is changing and recalibrating after the baby, you can test the waters by trying to get aroused on your own. Women are stimulated by what they hear or imagine, so listening to erotica, like on the app Dipsea, can rev you up. And don’t be afraid to use lubricants or arousal oils to enhance intimacy.
Research shows that when couples get out of their home, they can enjoy sex more because they’re not thinking about reorganizing the closet or the million other little things on their to-do list. One Saturday a month, we find an overnight sitter—usually a family member—and book a hotel in a city nearby. We’ll spend the day together, and go to a museum or the movies. Then at night, I’ll put on something that makes me feel sexy, like cute heels, red lipstick, or lingerie under my dress. And after dinner, we’ll have fun hotel sex. You know, the kind where you’re not afraid to mess up the room or wake up the baby!
Quickies can also be fun whether you’re sneaking in a session during your kid’s nap time or trying an unexpected space—your car, the bathroom, even the laundry room. Actually, the vibrations of the dryer can be a real turn-on (just saying!). Even if you keep things in the bedroom, you can push all your kid’s stuff out of sight—always have a storage bin handy—so it doesn’t kill the mood.
To make sure our love life doesn’t get stale, my husband and I play sexy games (“Truth or dare?” anyone?), which are cheesy but ridiculously fun. And, every six months or so, we each make a “Yes, No, Maybe” list. In the “yes” column: things we want to do sexually. In the “no” column: what we absolutely won’t do. In the “maybe” column: things we’re open to trying. For example, one of us might suggest a new position or “kissing all the way down your body.”
If you want to give the list a try, bring it up with your partner casually so it doesn’t feel like a bigger deal than it is. You can say something like, “I have an idea of how we can make our sex life even better!” The best part? Seeing where your yeses and maybes overlap—and going for it!
Rebecca Alvarez Story is also the founder of Bloomi, the first online marketplace for intimate-care products, such as organic tampons, plant-based arousal oils, period undies, and sex toys. Follow her on Instagram @rebeccaalvarezstory.
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Boy or Girl? Early Signs of Your Baby’s Sex
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Boy or Girl? Early Signs of Your Baby’s Sex
We’ve all heard about the early signs that can help pregnant parents predict their baby’s sex. But do you truly know how biological sex is determined and which of these signs are reliable? Read this article to learn more about predicting your baby’s sex.
When you find out that you’re pregnant, your top priority is of course to have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. However, many people want to know their baby’s sex from the moment they get a positive pregnancy test! 
Maybe you’ve been thinking about unisex baby names, or maybe discovering your baby’s sex could help you decide on a name and prepare for their arrival. Many parents use their child’s biological sex to decide what color clothing and nursery decorations to buy. 
The process through which sex is determined is called human sexual differentiation. You probably won’t find out your baby’s sex until a few months into your pregnancy, but it was set in stone at the moment of conception.
The baby’s genes determine sex. All eggs contain an X chromosome, while sperm can have an X or a Y chromosome. If the egg is fertilized by a sperm cell carrying an X chromosome, the resulting XX embryo will be female. However, if the sperm cell has a Y chromosome, the embryo will have male XY chromosomes.
At first, all embryos look the same regardless of sex. At the fifth week of your pregnancy, your baby will have a structure called a “gonadal ridge” (or “genital ridge”). Until week seven, they will develop the precursors of the sex organs. Then, over the next five weeks, your embryo starts producing hormones that stimulate the development of their sex organs.
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All sex organs come from the genital ridge. The ovaries are equivalent to the testicles, meaning they are formed from the same cells, and the clitoris and the penis are equivalents. So once those hormones kick in, the genital ridge begins differentiating into these structures.
For most fetuses with XY chromosomes, the genital ridge starts to lengthen into a penis by week 11. Tiny buds will form the prostate around week 14, and the urinary system is formed by week 16. Testicles descend into the scrotum at around weeks 26–31, and the penis continues growing during the third trimester.
For most fetuses with XX chromosomes, primary ovaries appear around week 12. Between weeks 14 and 20, they fill up with 6–7 million primitive eggs. These eggs reduce in quantity up until birth, at which point there are about 1–2 million eggs left. Two structures called the paramesonephric ducts fuse to form the uterus and vagina around week 16 of pregnancy.
There are lots of old wives’ tales and myths about how to predict the sex of your baby. Here’s the truth about five supposed pregnancy signs for a girl:
One of the most common myths surrounding a baby’s sex is that having a higher bump means you’re having a girl. However, this is not true.
The biggest factors that determine the way your bump looks are your physical condition, the number of pregnancies you’ve had, your abdominal muscles, and your total weight gain during pregnancy.
Some people think that the estrogen produced by a female fetus can affect the mother’s temperament, causing mood swings. However, anyone who’s pregnant can experience mood swings due to their own hormonal fluctuations: these mood changes aren’t related to the baby’s sex.
Another popular belief is that the copious hormones produced by a female fetus can cause more severe cases of morning sickness. But severity of nausea and vomiting varies from person to person, and even the same person can have different experiences during different pregnancies.
Have you ever heard the saying that a baby girl steals her mother’s beauty? Some people believe that if you’re having a girl, you’ll develop oily or dull skin and acne. This is another falsehood. Pregnancy hormones can be unpredictable, and they affect each person’s skin and hair differently.
Research has shown that anywhere between 50 and 90 percent of all people experience food cravings at some point during pregnancy. A common myth is that a female fetus causes cravings for sweets, and a male fetus causes cravings for savory and salty foods.
The truth is that a person’s cravings are more likely to be related to their nutritional requirements than to the sex of their baby. There’s also a theory that the food a person craves may partially depend on their culture.
Just as carrying high is supposed to mean that you’re having a girl, it’s widely believed that a lower bump means your baby is a boy. However, there’s no evidence to back up this theory, and as stated above, the shape of your bump is determined by other factors. 
This is the opposite of the myth that having a girl will “take away your beauty.” Many people believe that if you’re carrying a boy, your skin will look healthier, and you’ll have thick, lustrous hair.
In reality, these changes depend solely on pregnancy hormones. Some people develop skin pigmentation or acne, while others will have thicker hair and a “pregnancy glow.”
Does anyone sincerely believe that having a boy means that a pregnant person will avoid mood swings? Unfortunately, it’s not true. The biological sex of your baby won’t have any impact on whether you’ll have mood swings. They’re a very common occurrence.
It’s no wonder so many people believe in these myths — they have an almost 50 percent chance of being right. These are some of the tests that your health care provider can use to determine your baby’s sex:
NIPT is a method of testing for the likelihood of genetic abnormalities in the first trimester. This maternal blood test poses no risk to the fetus. It’s usually used to detect Down syndrome in high-risk pregnancies, but it can also detect the sex of the baby. The accuracy of the test is around 98 percent.
This is the most common way to determine your baby’s sex, and most low-risk pregnancies find out the baby’s sex this way between the 18th and 22nd week of pregnancy. It’s accurate and completely safe for the fetus.
Using a sample of amniotic fluid, amniocentesis can detect genetic abnormalities and your baby’s sex. This method is invasive and is usually done in high-risk pregnancies.
CVS is an invasive test that requires a sample of placenta to diagnose Down syndrome or other chromosomal abnormalities. It can also determine the baby’s sex as early as week 10 of pregnancy.
Some parents may wish to only have a baby of a certain sex. This may be due to the wish to avoid sex-linked diseases or as a matter of preference. In certain countries, it’s legal to select the sex of your baby by undergoing IVF. Embryos are produced in the laboratory and tested for sex, after which only embryos of the chosen sex are implanted.
Amniocentesis and CVS are primarily carried out when fetal abnormalities are suspected, and both tests pose certain risks. They are not recommended as ways to determine the sex of the fetus.
It’s normal to want to know your baby’s sex, but being a healthy parent with a healthy baby is the ultimate goal. Maintain healthy nutrition during pregnancy, monitor the fluids you consume during pregnancy, stay active, and when your baby arrives, you might realize their sex isn’t that important after all!
Walsh, Kate, et al. “Maternal Prenatal Stress Phenotypes Associate with Fetal Neurodevelopment and Birth Outcomes.” PNAS, National Academy of Sciences, 26 Nov. 2019, www.pnas.org/content/116/48/23996.

Mayo Clinic Staff. “Fetal Development: What Happens during the 1st Trimester?” Mayo Clinic, Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, 12 July 2017, www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/pregnancy-week-by-week/in-depth/prenatal-care/art-20045302.

Mayo Clinic Staff. “Fetal Ultrasound.” Mayo Clinic, Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, 3 Jan. 2019, www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/fetal-ultrasound/about/pac-20394149.

“Genital Ridge.” Genital Ridge - an Overview | ScienceDirect Topics, www.sciencedirect.com/topics/engineering/genital-ridge.

Hill, Mark A. “BGDB Sexual Differentiation - Late Embryo.” UNSW Embryology, 2020, embryology.med.unsw.edu.au/embryology/index.php/BGDB_Sexual_Differentiation_-_Late_Embryo.

Paxton, Steve, et al. “The Leeds Histology Guide.” The Histology Guide, www.histology.leeds.ac.uk/female/FRS_ova.php.

“Female Reproductive System: Structure & Function.” Cleveland Clinic, 19 Jan. 2019, my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/9118-female-reproductive-system.

“Gonadal Ridge.” Gonadal Ridge - an Overview | ScienceDirect Topics, www.sciencedirect.com/topics/biochemistry-genetics-and-molecular-biology/gonadal-ridge.

“Is a Pregnant Woman's Chance of Giving Birth to a Boy 50 Percent?” Scientific American, Scientific American, 15 Nov. 2004, www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-a-pregnant-womans-chan/.

“Female Age-Related Fertility Decline.” ACOG, Mar. 2014, www.acog.org/clinical/clinical-guidance/committee-opinion/articles/2014/03/female-age-related-fertility-decline.

A, Aatsha P. “Embryology, Sexual Development.” StatPearls [Internet]., U.S. National Library of Medicine, 30 May 2020, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK557601/.

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