Of course you would see guys that way. I explained to her with a smile. You live with Carson, and have to experience the Carter family. From what Ive heard... Theyre not the best example of guys. I regained my serious composure. But that doesnt mean you can paint all guys with the same brush. If I was a girl and was telling you the same story, you would totally be on my side. Thats a little sexist, dont you think?
Me, sexist?! Jenna exclaimed, offended. Youre the sexist one! If you were a girl you wouldnt have done what you did, because what you did was sexual harassment. Do you want to know what you should do?
Ill bite. I replied, and was surprised to find that I was actually beginning to enjoy this debate instead of hate the debate, or Jenna, for it. What should I do?
Drop Nicole, definitely drop May, and break up with Megan. She can do a lot better than a cheating rapist. Jenna fired back, aiming to offend me back after I got under her skin. I kept my cool, since showing I was offended would have meant her victory.
All three? I asked, curious. You dont think I belong with any of them?
Jenna shook her head. Nope. You took advantage of Nicoles nature for some quick, easy sex, you coerced Megan into liking you just for the sex, and you basically raped May. Do you see a common theme here?
Theyre all completely different stories from what actually happened? I quipped.
Jenna ignored me. They all have to do with sex. I saw this before, with Carson, and you do not want to end up like him. Youre searching for the wrong thing. Sex has warped my little brother.
Warped. I repeated in slight disbelief.
She nodded. He doesnt really know what love is anymore, and just confuses love with sex and good conversation. Maybe thats why it was so easy for you to coerce May. She paused and took a sip from her drink. He has a different sense of love and belonging now... A wrong one. Youre kind of inexperienced compared to him, so I feel like you can still be saved. But if you keep hanging around those and keep getting cheap sex from them, you wont be. Im trying to help you, you know.
Im sure in her own mind, she had nothing but the purest intentions. And what if I do end up with any of them in the end? I asked her.
You wont. Jenna replied simply, taking yet another sip from her drink.
With perfect timing, the door swung open after just the right amount of silence had filled the room and in swaggered Carson. He didnt quite see me at first, and went into the kitchen. I heard him sigh loudly as he fiddled around in the kitchen. Man, the English exam today was a bitch. He proclaimed loud enough for both of us to hear it.
You know I dont like it when you use that word, Carson. Jenna barked back at him. He clearly knew how to get under her skin without even trying.
You could practically hear Carson grinning from the kitchen. Well maybe thats why I said it, he smugly retorted as he marched right into the living room, only then noticing I was in the house. Oh... He simply said. Hey... buddy...
Hey, Carson. I replied back, trying to force my nervousness down. Sorry for coming over unannounced. I just need to talk about something with you.
Uh... Sure, cool. Carson replied flatly, taking a seat. What do you need to talk about?
I shot Jenna a look of nervousness. Quite frankly, I both didnt know how to begin and didnt want her to be present. However, at the same time, with my eyes I pleaded with her to start the conversation for me, to ease me into the topic so I wouldnt have to go through with the painful awkwardness of bringing it up.
Unfortunately, either Jenna wasnt as good at reading minds as Nicole was, or didnt really want to help, because after about one second of eye contact, she promptly stood up. Probably something stupid, she lamely commented as she stood up and walked towards the staircase. No one said anything until she disappeared up the stairs. Soon after, Carson and I heard a door shut.
Ignore her. Carson ordered. Whats up?
Well, my lifeline was gone. Here goes nothing, I thought to myself. So, you know the party that happened last night?
Yeah. He replied, disinterested. May invited me, but I didnt really feel like going, so I turned her down.
Almost relieved that the topic was shifting, I sat up, attentive. You turned your own girlfriend down? I asked, smiling in slight disbelief.
He shrugged. I didnt wanna do it. I shouldnt have to do it if I dont wanna. She went anyway, though. I wasnt worried, though. She was kinda pissed that I shut her down, but in the end shell come crawling back to me. A grin sported his face as he finished his sentence.
Yeah, Carson. By all means, make this more difficult. I inhaled slowly, and exhaled sharply before I told all. The encounter in the hallway, Megans interruption (which led to discussing Megan, though I made sure to leave out Nicole), Mays reaction to me being at the party and how she got more drunk and horny as the night progressed. As I explained, Carsons expression quickly changed from a grin to a serious, disapproving yet glazed glare. After I was finished, a good minute passed before Carson spoke.
You could have told me you kissed her already. He simply said.
I know. Im sorry. Im sorry for... everything. I replied, trembling slightly.
He waved me off. Youre too dramatic, man. He said, with a more serious voice than Ive ever heard him use before. He paused again before continuing. Its cool. I dont blame you.
What? I asked.
I dont blame you. He repeated. These kinda things happen. Ive been drunk before, man. I totally get that you werent thinking straight. I dont wanna hold this against you.
Oh. I simply responded. It wasnt really lying if I didnt acknowledge it. I was stone sober the whole night, of course, but I guess he didnt need to know that.
Was May drunk too? He asked, with a little more hostility.
May was definitely drunk. I said with a slight chuckle. My eyes met his and my small smile disappeared entirely.
He nodded slowly. Okay. He said, then softened up a little. Relax, buddy. You look like youre going to have a heart attack.
I became self-aware enough to notice I was two steps from hyperventilation. I started inhaling and exhaling slowly again.
Hate the game, not the player. Carson remarked out loud. Its cool. As long as you were drunk and werent thinking clearly, Im not upset with you.
I shifted in my seat and didnt say anything. Carson accepted it as a continuation of my previous silence and moved on.
I do need to talk with May though. He thought aloud. He loudly sighed, then stood up. Um, listen... he began. I need a little time to myself. Would you mind getting out of here? No offense.
Uh, sure, yeah. I quickly said, thanking the heavens that went down as quickly and smoothly as it did. Wordlessly, I stood up and walked towards the front door. Carson didnt accompany me or anything. I think he went straight to his room.
I was supposed to feel better after telling him, but I ended up feeling worse. I didnt dare look back - I never really saw Carson so drained like that before, and the knowledge that I caused that made shame burn through my cheeks. Feeling kind of drained myself, I trudged out of the door. I was what I expected to see, a black Ford Focus and a hipster in sunglasses casually eating a granola bar.
12:30 my ass. Nicole bitterly declared as she looked at her phone. Try 1:06.
Carson got home late. I justified myself. Didnt you see him walk by?
I was busy doing other things. Nicole defended herself, her mouth full of her granola bar. Exam time is actually crunch time for the school paper too, you know. And typing is a lot more difficult in a car.
Maybe you just couldnt see him. I quipped, pointing to the sunglasses. Whats with the shades?
Snow is bright, bozo. Nicole shot back, a mischievous smile on her face. Just get the fuck in the car.
We got in the car and Nicole started it, beginning to drive without a word being exchanged between us. Almost out of a sense of obligation, I justified myself again. You could have texted me if you needed to get out of here.
Nicole stopped at a stoplight before she looked at me, one eyebrow visibly cocked behind her sunglasses. You stopped going to karate to avoid talking to me. The last time you texted me in who knows how long was because you needed me to be your chauffeur. Want me to hold your fucking hand too?
I tried to formulate a response, but my blind anger quickly faded to allow my brain to soak in the truth of her words. Sorry. I eventually croaked.
Nicole sighed loudly. Im sorry too.
Silence followed. To see if Nicole was still pissed, I looked in her direction, only to realize that with the sunglasses, I couldnt quite make out what emotion was on her face. Out of habit, my eyes travelled downwards to her boobs. The way they rose and fell with her breath. Memories of sucking on them for the first time arose within me. The little smile she gave after everything we did in her room...
Nope. I was still in a relationship. I wasnt allowed to be thinking about her that way. My eyes scanned around her car, looking for something new to look at. There wasnt much - a few empty energy drink cans, an empty bag of fast food, her camera (apparently she needed to take it EVERYWHERE), jumper cables and other car equipment...
Cant take your eyes off them, huh? Nicole commented slyly.
Yeah, your jumper cables are quite interesting. I fired back.
Nicole chuckled. Youre getting better with your comebacks, squirt. She remarked. Then, even though she was still driving, she worked her shirt over her head. Of course, she was only wearing one layer, and soon my gaze was met with her beautiful boobs, each proudly displaying her large areolae and erect nipples.
Half of me was instantly turned on. Luckily, that was no longer my dominant half, not after the party. I coughed nervously. Nicole, Im still in a relationship. You cant be exposing yourself like that to me. Please put your shirt back on.
Nicole huffed. You were a lot more fun when you were single.
Why, because I was easier to manipulate? I retorted. I groaned internally as I made a big realization - We may be talking again, but now there was clearly a wedge driven between Nicole and I.
Whatever. Nicole said flatly, putting her shirt back on. Do what you want, squirt. Its not like youre my only option. She threw me her cell phone. As long as Im driving, could you text Brendan Bennett and tell him I wanna hook up?
I was torn between fuming and laughing out loud at that comment. I did what she asked and put the phone in the cupholder, thinking to myself how painfully obvious it was, what Nicole was trying to do.
Are you jealous, Nicole? I asked her finally.
Yes, Adam. Because Im completely the jealous type. Even behind her shades, I could feel her rolling her eyes. Just accept that I have needs and if youre not filling them because youre in some emotional shit with some other girl, I cant just wait for you two to be done. I gotta take care of my own needs.
I was expecting her to admit defeat, but I couldnt make heads nor tails of what she had said. On the one hand, she replied instantly and sounded like she was telling the truth. On the other, Id seen her lie before, and she was good enough to fool a room full of people.
Silence filled the car. Finally, Nicole piped up again. Fucking break up with her.
Huh? I asked in response.
Break up with Megan. The sooner, the better. Youre turning into a different person, and I dont like it. Youre losing yourself, Ive seen it happen before. Nicole stated forcefully.
We wont last forever, but I dont see how this is any of your business. I shot back with just as much force.
Im not just a walking set of tits with a car, Adam. I care about you. Nicole argued.
I asked you to put those away. You cant use that against me. If you want to show them, fine. But you cant hold that against me when thats your own choice. I argued back.
See, youre just focussing on that stuff. Its like you cant even see how I care. Shes changed you. Nicole retaliated. I miss the Adam I met. We used to hang out, have fun. Now you just use me just so you could share a joke with your friend Carson, and when I try to be myself around you, you tell me to stop it. Break up with her, its damaging you.
A joke?! I fucking wish it was a joke. The real joke was her attitude during an emotional day for me. Nicole, I get you had some bad times with Jeff, but that doesnt mean you get to be my personal psychiatrist. Just because you dont like what he did with you doesnt mean you get to criticize my relationship. Now step off.
It wasnt hard to find Nicoles car in the parking lot for a number of reasons. Number one, I had memorized that it was the only black Ford Focus I think I had ever seen. For another, it was blasting Take On Me by AHA.
Hey, thanks for waiting. I said as I stepped into the car.
Hey, squirt. She said, beaming. Cigarette?
I didnt respond, I simply buried my face in my hands. Alright, alright, guilty. I said, defeated. I knew by now not to challenge Nicole on matters like this.
She laughed. Im surprised at you, hotshot. You sure have come a long way.
What do you mean? I asked her.
Well, doing it with the ex you just broke up with in school is one thing. She reasoned. But a janitors closet? Thats a new level of kinky.
You knew? I squeaked, feeling my face go pale. How?
Its Nicole. Shes back. Keep quiet. Nicole monologued over-dramatically, breaking into a smug smile when she finished. You guys seriously dont know how to whisper.
Ugh. I moaned, throwing my head back into my hands.
Hey, its not so bad. Nicole said comfortingly, putting her hand on my shoulder.
Why not? I asked her, peeking my head out from my hands.
Well, for one thing, I got both regular and sour cream and onion. She said triumphantly, holding up two bags of chips.
I chuckled. Good call. I said.
My place? She asked me, smiling. If I didnt know any better, I wouldve thought I detected hope in her tone.
Sure. Why not? I answered happily. Her smile grew wider as she started the car. But keep your shirt on. I winked at her.
Right. Youve seen your share of tits for the day. I forgot. She retorted, giving me a wink of her own.
Oh, shut up. I weakly, yet playfully, responded. She gave a little laugh and started driving.
Why are you so okay with Megan and I now, anyway? I asked her. When we were together, you hated it. Now, youre practically giddy knowing that I fucked her. I didnt mean to use such harsh language, but it kind of spilled out. I think I was starting to adopt to Nicoles way of talking around her, like I was another me around her - a type of me that felt comfortable being open and swearing.
It wasnt her. I just dont like it when youre in a relationship. Especially a BS-y one. She answered. You cant tell, but you were a lot more serious and dramatic when you were with her. It wasnt any fun. She made a mock pouty face towards me.
Eyes on the road. I told her dismissively. What about you? Your attitude towards Phil today was... interesting, to say the least. She only lowered one eyebrow in response. Im guessing you two are Splitsville too?
Oh, totally. Nicole answered immediately. I dont know why the hell I thought this relationship would be different. Guys suck, no offense. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. I felt like she had more to say.
Go on. I told her.
Huh? She asked me. She reached a red light and looked at me quizzically.
It doesnt sound like youre done. I told her. Like you have more to say.
Phils a bad kisser? She joked.
Lucky I wont ever find out. I joked back. Nicole certainly was a master at making me feel at ease with certain themes. But do you want to say anything else?
She chuckled uneasily. Not want, no. She said.
If you want to say anything, say it. I told her. But I wont make you say anything you dont want to.
Nicole nodded with a smile, then fixated her gaze back on the road. A few minutes of silence, besides the Wham! playing on the radio, filled the car before she broke. I cant deal being around Phil. I dont wanna. It makes me feel... weird. Uncomfortable.
Thats understandable. I said sympathetically. So what are you gonna do about it?
Im quitting Student Council. she said, tensing up and trying - failing - to hide the look of sadness on her face.