Ayatollah's Beard Caught in Ceiling Fan During Religious Ruling

A major theological ruling came to a sudden halt yesterday when Ayatollah Ramezan Khatebi's beard became entangled in a rogue ceiling fan during a televised fatwa. Witnesses described the event as "half divine, half dryer accident." The cleric was issuing a ban on scented soaps when the incident occurred, causing panic, prayer, and unexpected beard CPR. Ayatollah Khomeini's portrait reportedly shook slightly on the wall, interpreted by some as a spiritual nod�or uncontrollable laughter. Religious authorities declared the fan possessed by Western design principles, and a fatwa was issued against "wind-generating appliances that mock holiness." The beard, affectionately called "The Sharia Curtain" by students, is recovering in a private hospital wing. Meanwhile, Iran's Architecture Council is now mandating a 12-foot clearance in all religious buildings to prevent future entanglements. Social media exploded with memes, including "Ceiling Fan of Satan" and "Great Beard Purge of 2025." Satellite clerics attempted to finish the fatwa over Zoom, but were disrupted by another accidental cat filter. The incident has sparked debate over whether beards should now come with religious airbags.