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There's something bothering me for quit some time now, when i was little i delivered the newspapers. One time i read a story in them about a night guard in a morgue in Austria who liked to fuck the corpses. At one time they rolled a 19 y/o blonde and apparantly very beautiful looking girl in and the guard being who he was didn't wait long and went about doing his thing. While he was thrusting in her though, the girl woke up.. You can only imagine the sheer horror on her face discovering she is being pounded by that sweaty faced fat guy, the screaming that follows, the utter confusion on his face, anyways, obviously it turned out the girl was apparant dead, but the thing i was wondering about ; If you were the parents of the blonde stunner, what would you do ? Makes sure the guy gets locked up in a dungeon and throw away the key, or do you send him a fruitbasket for saving their beloved daughter from autopsy and a burial ???
I.O.W. ; Can it be ?
That the things we see..
Do not appear to be ?
The things that we see ...
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wtf is the deal with CSI??
are they cops or scientific analysers? they can't be both. in one scene they'll be interrogating suspects, then another scene they'll be looking at blood soaked socks under a microscope and digging up bullets in an autopsy, then finally they'll swarm the suspect's house .45s drawn and take him down.
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If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is a so called actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas.
Note: Please take time to read this slowly. Read it all. Do not skip any sections. Do not skip ahead.
Pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.
Note: For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off around Halloween. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park.
CHILI, TEXAS STYLE !!!
Note from Frank: "Recently, while visiting Texas (I'm from Springfield, IL) I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original judge called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light beer booth, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that even though I was inexperienced as a Chili taster, the chili >wouldn't be all that spicy. Besides, they told me, I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting {censored-faced from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.
CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, >sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will >eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about judge number 3. He appears to be a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. Atleast during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report
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For my protection and my friend this is a fantasy story. it is up to you to decide if it is true or not. but i am not saying that it is. This did not really happen. But, if it did, I would be confessing something that has haunted me for 2 years. My wife of 10 years died of an aneurism suddenly while she was at work. She was an executive assistant for a large company in San Francisco. We had no children. A friend of hers called me in tears before the police arrived at my place of business, which I will not identify. Oddly, I was composed while being told on the phone, kind of. I kept repeating "what?, what?" as if I didn't understand what she was saying. Her crying and sobbing made it clear this wasn't a bad joke. But, I just kept saying "what?" "what?", getting a bit loud at the end. None of my coworkers noticed my demeanor given the nature of our work. My reaction could have been consistent with a normal business call. I cannot explain. I don't remember hanging up the phone. I was sitting there with my mind spinning. trying to make sense of the phone call. I was in complete denial. After a few minutes, I started playing solitaire on my laptop. crazy, i know. but, i didn't know what to do. somehow, the game actually distracted me and I managed to put the phone call behind me. I was strangely at some kind of weird peace. But then I fainted when I saw 2 uniformed police officers standing at the end of the hallway asking a coworker which one was me. When she pointed at me, I suddenly blacked out from shock. They revived me shortly. I did not injure myself in the fall. The older female officer asked me to confirm my name, and then told me what I already knew. I got sick. I threw up until I was dry heaving. I could not believe it. I became hysterical and had to be escorted out by the officers. I didn't really think about it until we arrived at the hospital that they were taking me to identify her body. I panicked. But, a doctor gave me something, I presume a sedative shot. It calmed me down real quick. When they lifted the covering to show her face, i was calm. probably from the drugs. i said, yes that is my wife. next thing I knew I was home. The county medical examiner conducted a pretty quick autopsy to determine the aneurism. I thought those things took longer than that, but I guess they had a good idea what it was and scanned her brain to confirm it.
Her mom took care of the phone calls and funeral arrangements as I was in complete despair. Something that no one knew is that my wife and I were getting a divorce. We had not seen a lawyer or told anyone, yet. She asked for it. That also devastated me. I am an average looking guy, but she was practically a model. She was a cheerleader in high school and college. she was 5 ft 3 in., 120 lbs. light brown hair with hazel eyes. Now she was dead at the age of 33. We had not had sex in 5 years, despite my best efforts. She eventually told me that she had no interest in sex. I did not suspect she was having an affair. I knew her better than that. She knew it was hurting me, so we went to a few specialists and she was diagnosed with hypoactive sexual desire disorder. I did some research and now believe that it could be related to the aneurism that eventually killed her. She was going to file for divorce so that I could find someone who could fulfill my needs. I did not want it but she was very adamant.
A older man I met at church about 3 or so years before this tragedy, ended up being the guy who would be her embalmer at the funeral home. He came to my home to tell me and ask if I wanted him to get someone else, someone I didn't know, to do this THING to my wife. I told him no. it was his job and I trusted him. He kept offering to ask for another embalmer, but I assured him i was fine with it. He was very kind and gentle. He offered his condolences with a tear or two to match my own as he headed for the door. Before I shut the door, he turns abruptly, as if he had forgot something, and asked me if I wanted to see her that night. The transfer to the funeral home from the hospital had already been made. She was in a refrigerated unit at the funeral home. He was going to start the embalming process in the morning once all the paperwork had been filed. I don't know why exactly, but I said yes. I followed him to the home. it was late, probably 11 pm, maybe later. He told me that he was not supposed to do this, so please not to let anyone know. I assured him I would not.
I was expecting stainless steel drawers with handles, like you see in the movies and tv shows, but it was a decent size room that was refrigerated. inside, were three gurneys with people who had died that day. One was my wife, another was a 70+ year old man who had died of a massive heart attack earlier that day while having lunch with his wife. He was a large man, maybe 6 ft 2, 270 or 290, i don't know maybe 300. big guy. the covered body on the third gurney was shaped very similar to my wife. He told me it was a girl who was a passenger in a car with another girl who crashed while texting and driving. the driver lived. This girl, was not wearing her seatbelt. she was thrown fro the vehicle and broke her neck. died instantly. He couldn't keep talking about it. for some reason, the young girls death chokes him up and effects him more than even my wifes. I assume it was because she was so young. a mere teen. He starts to say something, but stops.
So, he's quite emotional after this day and says I can stay as long as I like, until he comes back to get me or I came looking for him, whichever happened first. He was going into the chapel area to nap on one of the benches.
he left me alone with three dead bodies in a cold room. I stood there for what seemed like several minutes before I approached my wifes body. I pulled back the covering. There she was, as I had seen her before. I stared at her still made up face from work. They hadn't had a chance to clean her up for embalming yet. She was very white, kinda bluish. But, still just as attractive as the girl I fell in love with in college.
I guess it was an impulse. without even looking around to make sure no one was watching, I pulled the covering down to expose her breasts. I don't know how its supposed to work, post morten, but her nipples, which I hadn't seen in 5 years, were very erect. Her breasts are not very big. She is a small b cup, but still very perky for her age. NOW, I looked around and even went to the chapel to see if my friend was awake. He was snoring loudly.
I suddenly, with a very confusing mix of guilt and excitement, started getting hard. I hurried back to the cold room. I realized I had left the covering half off while I checked on my friend. I didn't bring a jacket, so I was pretty chilly, but my blood starting flowing and suddenly I began to warm up. I pulled my phone from my pocket. i was going to take some nudies of my dead wife. at that point, my cock had taken over and I didn't care how messed up any of this was.
so, with a shudder, I pulled the covering all the way off to the floor. I was in shock. I was expecting a bush, considering she had no interest in sex, but there she was... with the thinnest most perfectly trimmed landing strip I had ever seen on her. I was naturally confused, but didn't waste time wondering "why" she did it, or possibly "for whom" she was doing it. I started snapping photos and got very excited.
that's when things got out of hand. I was so turned on, I wanted to see her pussy. on the table, her cold outer labia was flesh colored and closed. I spread the covering on the ground and picked her up to put her on the floor.
rigor mortis is unsettling to say the least. while her legs and arms did bend down under the weight of gravity, her left leg and left arm seemed to stay more stiff. even her head didn't fall back like I would have expected.
i got her to the floor. and had a difficult time getting her legs to come apart. I finally figured to massage the legs to make them more pliable. eventually, she lay on the cold floor, naked, legs spread showing her perfect and tight pussy. and she was dead.
i didn't stop to think. i kept taking pictures and then realized... i realized the obvious. it was cold, but I got my pants down to my knees and knelt to the floor.
I don't believe in god like most people. i believe in a higher power but don't think he pays any attention to us. i hope I am right. i put my cock against her freezing cold pussy. rigor mortis, no moisture in her pussy, no lubricant. i was screwed.
i had gone this far. i wasn't going to be denied the pussy that was legally mine, at least while she was alive. I started going through drawers. finally, two rooms down the hall, I found some lubricant that I didn't even want to think about why they had it.
Back in the room, I dropped to the floor. I greased up my still throbbing cock. then, gently started applying lube to her pussy. it didn't feel as soft and fleshy as i remembered, but once I got my cock in, I remembered the ecstasy of having sex with my beautiful loving wife.
her eyes were closed, so I wiped my hands and opened them. I was a little surprised when they stayed open. I was fucking my dead wife as she seemed to look at me. I suddenly came harder than i can ever remember. it just kept pumping cum until it started oozing out her vagina.
i fell to the floor next to her. started playing with her erect nipples. and it wasn't more than 2 minutes before my erection returned.
as i lay on the floor, i could see the other two gurneys against the wall, side by side... then I got an evil thought in my head. yes, you know what I did.
I jumped up. penis purple and throbbing out of control. I walked slowly over to the other dead girl. I had no idea what she looked like.
I pulled back the cover and my jaw dropped. she was the most perfect looking blonde I had ever seen. her hair was cut short, up to her neck. And if i had any doubts about if she was a natural blonde before, I just saw the proof. a small patch of silky blonde hair sitting on top of her pussy mound. her tits were also not very big, but thats okay. she had thin, but muscular legs that made them look longer than they were. I noticed a nasty scrape on her left arm and left hip. not too big, and they had been cleaned.
the sheet goes to the floor next to my dead wife. this girl was even lighter than my wife. And somehow she seemed a bit more limber. I don't know why. I repeated the process., massaging her legs until they parted and revealed the smallest set of pussy lips I've ever seen. In a perfect clam shape with still some rosy pinkness left. her lips were also fuller than my wifes. not a lot, but they were cushiony to the touch. I took some books from a nearby shelf to put under their heads so I could see their faces better.
The girls eyes were still closed. When I opened them, they were bright gray, like so many movie stars. except for the scrapes from the accident, her flesh was smoother than my wifes, as a teen girls flesh would be. My wife was stunning. The perfect sex object now displaying her wares. And now this strange girl, legs spread, bright gray eyes appearing to look into mine. neither naked female able to smile, since they were dead. I make sure everything ls lubed appropriately and just before i enter this fresh coed, it occurs to me to check something.
I pulled apart her lips and with some work, and found...a hymen. if there is a god, i'm going to hell anyway. I gently enter her. looking into her eyes, then over at my wife who was now watching me fuck a dead teen girl. when I said her pussy was small and tight, and now a hymen? I wasn't kidding. I have an average size penis, about 5-6 inches. but, the blood had been pumping so long, I has as thick as I was long at this point.
I started to think it was't going to work, then decided I was going to MAKE it happen. the lube was adequate. I pulled back for a forceful thrust and grabbed her shoulders for support as I pushed hard. i felt ripping flesh. i mean lots of ripping fle
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