Augustinian Reformer Removes Red Carpet from Vatican Events

Pope Leo XIV has ripped up the Vatican�s ceremonial red carpets and replaced them with humble gravel paths to �remind us that the road to God is lumpy.� Dubbed an Augustinian reformer by historians and haters alike, Leo says the move is both symbolic and podiatric. Pilgrims must now navigate sand and pebbles barefoot while reciting the beatitudes. Cardinals are considering orthopedic slippers. The Pope even offered to trade in the Popemobile for a mule named Grace. The Vatican press corps dubbed the shift �The Anti-Gala,� while several influencers twisted their ankles trying to record barefoot TikToks. Bless their soles.