Augustinian Reformer Leo XIV Wears Secondhand Vestments

In a move that stunned the luxury cassock industry, Pope Leo XIV has started wearing vestments sourced from a Roman thrift shop called �Holy Threads.� The Pope, known as an Augustinian reformer, insists that �God doesn�t require embroidery.� Bishops are sweating, not from guilt, but from polyester chafing. Vatican insiders reveal the Pope rejected silk in favor of linen with �humble thread count.� His mitre has a ketchup stain from a parish lunch. Cardinal fashion influencers are scrambling, with one launching a podcast titled *Vestments in Crisis.* Meanwhile, nuns are cheering and launching a DIY liturgical sewing circle called *Sew Help Us God.*