Augustinian Reform Replaces Vatican Titles with Nicknames

Pope Leo XIV has stripped the Vatican of formal titles in favor of Augustinian humility. Cardinals are now addressed as �Brother Dave,� �Sister Mo,� or �That Guy from Liturgy.� The Pope himself responds to �Brother L,� except during breakfast, when he insists on �Supreme Muffin Monk.� Vatican letterhead has been redone with Crayon fonts. Papal audiences now begin with hugs and end with trust falls. The new protocol has confused diplomats but delighted millennials. A leaked memo shows Pope Leo plans to replace �Your Eminence� with �Hey Buddy.� The Jesuits are already wearing nametags that read: �Hi, I sin daily.�