Augustinian Reform Extends to Vatican Cafeteria

The Pope�s push for Augustinian reform has now entered the Vatican cafeteria. Gone are the days of foie gras Fridays. In their place? Penance bowls�simple mixtures of lentils, weeping spinach, and what may or may not be quinoa. �Eat humbly or not at all,� reads the new menu header. Bishops are grumbling, but nuns are thrilled, citing improved digestion and reduced guilt. Each table comes with a copy of *Confessions* and one bottle of vinegar. The Pope was spotted trading his dessert for a second helping of moral clarity. Said one cardinal, �It tastes like spiritual regret. And that�s probably the point.�