Augustinian Reform Encourages Vatican Staff to Gossip Less

Pope Leo XIV has issued an official decree under Augustinian reform: gossip is now considered �soft heresy.� Staff meetings begin with a silence bell and end with a penance wheel. A spiritual hotline has been created to redirect juicy news directly to God. Office prayer closets now double as confession booths. Greg from Accounts, Vatican�s worst-kept secret keeper, has been reassigned to the Papal Archives �until he learns not to spill tea.� The Pope has launched an initiative called *Zip It for Zion*, including workshops on mindful whispering and strategic eyebrow raising. Sainthood points will be deducted for passive aggression.