Asstr Orgkristen

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A six year old girl lends her sick grandfather her hand, and then more.

R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s - R e v i e w s
A taste of 'poison' can cure lots of ills - especially if a cute 6 year old little girl is the maker and taster.
You capture her maturity level quite well in her speech, unlike so many she's not talking like one nearly twice her age. Gram, too, is a clever fellow, one after my own heart.

A clever story well crafted, by an author more literate than most, none of the all-too-common errors in usage and punctuation that speak of laziness in a writer. These errors so often challenge a reader to wrap his/he mind around the story itself. Thank you for your good work, and I think many of us look forward to more. If you were to switch between her own POV and that of her most fortunate 'patient', that might be good, and of course some variation in setting and situation of course never hurts. Let y/our mind(s) run rampant, and you'll have a great series before long.

Thanks again mate!
Yes please i need your help as well!

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I am only six years old but I know what I want to be when I grow up. A doctor.
I know i can be a doctor because i am smart and can rite things like this already. And because I save my granddads life every day.
Grampa comes over to watch me but mom said he is really sick and might not live too long. That makes me sad. :-(
He coughs a lot and sits on his computer and watches movies.
One day I was watching him and he didn't know it and he was breathing real hard. It was weird because he was tugging at something. It was a piece of skin like a big thumb but thicker like a cucumber and he looked like he was having a hard time.
But then he saw me. I didn't know what to do.
"I'm trying to get the poison out."
"Poison? Oh no do you need help?" :-(
"Yes I do. Hurry, come here, fast."
I walked over and he lookedd bad. His face was all twisted up. He was breathing so hard, and he had this thing sticking out of his shorts. It was thick and had a curve, like a banana and stuck out of him. Somehow it had grown because I never seen this on him before. Maybe this was what cancer was.
"What? What can I do? Do i call 911?"
"No honey, just put your hand on it. Put your hand on it and do what I say. This is important."
He was moving his own hand up and down and up and down it. I was so scared but wanted to be a hero. So he let go of the thing and it flopped over. I put my own hand on it right away. Oh my gosh! It was so weird. It was hot and throbbing like a monster and I was so scared. I wrapped a finger around it and my hand was so little I could barely hold it up.
"Oh sweety thats what i needed. You hand is so soft and perfect. Squeeze tight and keep pulling up and down, up and down."
I moved it up and down twice in my hand like he said. It started to grow bigger in my hand. Little purple veins were running on it and a big thick one that lead all the way up to the top. It was slimy like a snake or like one big muscle and I looked down at the tiny slit at the very tip. Maybe this was the mouth.
"Faster, faster, I'm going to die. Hurry. Hurry."
I pulled and pulled and pulled as hard and tight as I could. The thing was huge and must have been hurting him. I wanted it to stop. I put both hands on it and all my fingers around it and pulled and yanked and yanked.
"Yes princess, yes princess," he yelled, "oh oh oh dont stop, don't stop!' and I didn't. I must have been doing great because the whole thing kind barfed in my hand and some poison came bubbling out.
"Get it all, keep going, get it all, keep going." So I kept going, and the poision was warm and looked kind of like glue and got all over my hand."
"Oh princess. I almost died," he said. "I came so close but you saved me. You saved my life." :-)
He took some of the poison off of my hand and dabbed it on my nose and cheeks."It can't hurt us now, see, it doesn't hurt right?"
It didn't hurt. It just felt sticky, and I was so happy I hugged him.
"We have to do that every day now, okay? Please don't tell your mom. She will put me in a hospital for old men and I will die right away for sure."
"Okay," I said, so the next two days he stayed with me and I got the poison out the same way and it was fun until it got on my pajamas.
"You should do it naked," he said, "because the poison will stain your clothes but won't hurt your skin."
That felt really weird but he put his fingers on my chest because he said it would be like I had a bra anyways (I don't need a bra) and he would rub me all over. That was nice. :-)
I got to know his snake thing so well. I knew how it looked and felt and it seemed like it was happy to see me every day because it would kind of stand up and look at me. I would squeeze and jerk, squeeze and jerk, until the muscle grew so big that it went from my chin to my eyebrow. I didn't tell Grampa this but I really kind of liked it. :-)
"Some girls can put it in their mouth," Grampa said one day. "But you aren't old enough to try that. It's only for big girls.
I said "I am old enough and I could," He said, "No you aren't." This mad me so mad that I did it anyways. I put it all the way down my mouth and throat and looked up at him. He was so amazed. He pushed it in there up and down, up and down, and we didn't stop until the poison came out.
Grampa made the most noise of all when I did this and I was scared I hurt him, but he also rubbed me all over and even put his hands into spots of me, but I can't tell you about that. :-)
"I have a lot of friends who have this problem too. They all have this poison and are going to die. Maybe you can help them too?"
So his friend came over every day after that. Then even another friend came over. Granpa was right. He was really sick because he had the biggest snakey thing ever and he would always make sure the poison got on my face. After we were done, they let me have ice cream and we would watch the movies together.
So, I am going to be a doctor. If you get sick you can write to me and I will help you get the poison out too. :-)
The reviewing period for this story has ended.



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