Asshole Solo

Asshole Solo
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Nope, we’re not talking about putting your penis in your lady’s asshole. We’re talking about stimulating your asshole. If you’re like many straight guys, your interest in this article just plummeted. Lots of straight men are turned off by the idea of anal play (to be fair, many bi and gay men are too), and as a result are missing out on a whole world of fun. Today we’re here to convince you that it’s time to stop ignoring your ass.
This is the third in a multi-part series from After Hours about anal play. You can see the other posts in the series as they come out here .
Because it feels good! End of paragraph.
Seriously though, your anus and rectum are full of nerve endings, just like your penis. Your rectum is also home to your prostate gland , another pleasure center. In fact, you can have an orgasm from stimulation of the prostate gland alone—something a lot of straight men don’t know. Anal play feels great on its own, and can lead to unbelievably intense orgasms.
Plus, it’s a little taboo, which makes it exciting. Even though anal for guys shouldn’t be taboo, it is, and exploring the taboo can add a naughty intensity to your sex life. There are a number of different ways to play with your anus (which we’ll get to shortly), and it’s exciting to venture into uncharted territory.
No. It’s a shame that so many guys still operate under the caveman-like mentality that “butt = gay.” Listen, guys, your sexual identity is defined by the gender of people you’re attracted to, not by the parts of your body that you play with. Lots of bi and gay men enjoy oral sex. Does enjoying oral sex “make you gay” too? Of course not.
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The simple fact of the matter is that there are nerve endings in your anus. It feels good to have stimulation there. But the only way anal play defines your sexuality is if you want another guy to stimulate your anus and you choose to identify yourself as gay.
If the idea of going straight for your anus is too intimidating to you, you can experiment with your grundle first. The grundle, taint, or otherwise known by it’s fancier name, the perineum , is the strip of skin between your testicles and your anus. Stimulating it will give you a little hint of what anal play can feel like. It responds well to firm pressure, so try using your middle finger to give it a massage while you masturbate. You can also ask your lady to massage the area with her knuckle while she gives you a handjob or blowjob.
It’s worth exploring your anus on your own first. Check out our article on beginners butt play for some tips. Even if you don’t love your experience with solo anal play, it’s worth asking a partner to take a trip to your anus. Anal play can feel a lot better when someone else is performing the deed. If you feel nervous asking your lady to put her finger in your butt, send her this article and say something like, “I’d never thought of doing this before, but this article makes it seem like something worth trying. Are you game?” She’s entitled to her own sexual boundaries, so she may say no. But a good sexual partner should at least be respectful of your requests. If she makes any mocking or derogatory comments, she’s not a keeper.
You’ve got a butt, but (heh) the odds are that you’re probably ignoring it. Your ass has the…
If she’s willing to give it a shot, get yourself cleaned up and ready to go. Have her start giving you a handjob or blowjob. Make sure you’re aroused before venturing into backdoor territory. When you tell her you’re ready, have her start with touching her lubed-up fingertip to your asshole. She should keep her finger there and continue her other activities. If it’s feeling good to you, ask her to push her finger in up to the first knuckle. Have her push in slowly, hold her finger there for a second, then slowly ease it back out. She should continue at this pace for a few rounds. If you’re into it, you can ask her to go in further, to pick up her pace, or to do both.
Keep communicating about what feels best for you. From there, enjoy the ride and congratulate yourself for being evolved enough to experience the joys of anal play!

by
Dan Savage
January 8th, 2020 April 15th, 2022
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I have a question about porn, and I can’t think who else I can ask that will give me an intelligent, educated answer. In modern porn, anal on women is gaining popularity. I’m a fan of anal with my boyfriend. However, in porn, it seems like the gaping asshole is a thing, a sought after thing, a desired thing. And I guess my boyfriend and I don’t get it. We can get quite vigorous when we have anal sex, but MY butthole never gapes open like that—my boyfriend assures me that when he pulls out, it goes back to its cute little flower-like effect. Why is the gaping asshole so popular? I promise this is not a frivolous question or just for titillation. We really do wonder: What gives? —Gaining Anal Perspective Entails Serious Question
It’s funny how a chief fear about anal sex—that your asshole would gape open afterward and poop would fall out while you walked down the street—became eroticized. (The asshole gaping open part, not the poop falling out part.) Did I say funny, GAPESQ? I meant predictable. Because a big part of the collective human subconscious is always at work eroticizing our fears, and the gaping-open, just-been-fucked, completely “wrecked” asshole many people feared inevitably became something some people found hot. And as more people began experimenting with anal sex—as anal went mainstream over the last two decades—people realized that the anal sphincter is a muscle and the secret to successful anal intercourse is learning to relax that muscle. Situationally, not permanently. You could relax, get loose, gape after, post the video to a porn tube, and then tighten back up. Now, not everyone thinks a wide-open, gaping asshole is desirable. And not everyone, in the immortal words of Valerie Cherish, needs (or wants) to see that. —Dan Savage
Honest question: If you, being a homosexual, don’t die from HIV, will you have to wear a diaper before the age of 42? Optional question: What does a prolapsed rectum look like? I bet you can describe it without doing an image search. —Sickening Homosexuals Are Malignant Errors
Honest answers: I know you meant this to be hate mail, SHAME, but I’m just thrilled someone out there thinks I’m not 42 yet. Also, I’m HIV-negative—last time I checked—but even if I were to seroconvert (go from HIV-negative to HIV-positive), a person with HIV who has access to meds can expect to live as long as a person without HIV. Also, a person with HIV who is on meds and has a zero viral load (no trace of the virus can be detected in their blood) cannot infect another person. So even if I were to contract HIV after all these years, SHAME, I would likely live long enough to die of something else, and, once I got on meds, I couldn’t pass HIV on to anyone else. And quickly: I’m way past 42 and not in a diaper yet, thank you very much. And while some people think a prolapsed rectum looks like a rosebud, I happen to think a prolapsed rectum looks like a ball of lean hamburger. And the first one I ever saw—and, no, I didn’t need to do an image search because it makes a real impression—was in straight porn, not gay porn. —DS
P.S. If you can’t think about gay men without thinking about our poops and the diapers you hope we’re wearing and our meaty prolapsed rectums, SHAME, that says a lot more about you than it does about gay people.
My significant other wants me to delete any NSFW pictures of my exes, but I don’t feel comfortable with that. I don’t have an emotional attachment to my exes or really look at these photos anymore, but I feel that old pictures saved on old computers aren’t doing any harm and deleting them won’t fix my partner’s insecurity. —Personal Images Causing Strife
Accommodating a partner’s irrational insecurity is sometimes the price we pay to make an otherwise healthy and functional relationship work, PICS, as I recently told another reader. But one possible workaround—one possible accommodation—is telling your insecure partner what they want to hear even if it isn’t true. Telling a partner who is concerned about safety that you’re using condoms with others when you’re not isn’t okay, of course, just as telling a potential partner you’re single when you’re not isn’t okay. But telling a partner that you deleted photos you never look at on a password-protected computer they can’t look at … yeah, that’s a lie you don’t have to feel too awful about telling. —DS
How long after using an oil-based lubricant do I have to wait before I can safely use latex condoms? Not right after, presumably. Next day? Next week? Next century? I’ve been experimenting with oil-based CBD lube for hand/toy stuff, but I’m worried about the timing relative to penetrative sex. —Oily Inside
“Oil and latex condoms do NOT mix, period,” said Melissa White, CEO of Lucky Bloke, an online condom shop, and a condom expert. “Using an oil-based lubricant with a condom can cause the condom to leak and/or break. And unlike water-based lubes, oils do not evaporate readily. While oil is absorbed over time, that absorption rate likely varies based on many factors, including age. Oiling up internally? Now we’re talking vaginal versus anal absorption rates! The bottom line: We have not found sufficient studies to issue a reliable recommendation on what an overall safe time frame might be. So here’s the deal: Oil or condoms—choose one.”
I would add only this: Condoms made out of polyurethane are more expensive, but you can safely use them with oil-based lube. —DS
I’m a straight guy who loves the female body—the look, touch, and smell. I’m in my mid-30s, I’ve never had a serious relationship, and I don’t know if I’m capable of falling in love. I’m exclusively into trans women, and I’ve kept it a secret because it’s nobody’s business. If I were in love, I’d make it public, but that hasn’t happened. I can’t help but feel like this is an addiction, and I’m ashamed of it. I’m sure I’m not the first straight guy who’s into trans women who’s written to you. Where do I go from here? —Straight And Struggling
While dating someone in secret isn’t impossible, SAS, it rarely leads to long-term love. Being kept hidden because you’re trans (or you’re gay or you’re big) and the person you’re dating hasn’t gotten over their shame about being attracted to trans people (or members of their own sex or bigger people) … well, it sucks to be someone’s dirty secret. And a healthy trans (or gay or big) person—the kind of person you might be able to fall in love with—isn’t going to put up with that shit. So it’s a catch-22: So long as you keep the women you date a secret, none of them are going to stay in your life for long. They’ll be either so damaged you want them out of your life or not damaged enough to want you in theirs. —DS
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JACHS NY Labor Day Week Sale! Up to 90% Off
You’ve got a butt, but (heh) the odds are that you’re probably ignoring it. Your ass has the capacity to experience a jaw-dropping amount of pleasure, so it’s time to put aside any negative reactions you might have about anal explorations. Whether you’re put off by the taboos, nervous about pain, or just don’t understand the appeal, we’re here to convince you why your ass is worth pampering.
This is the first in a multi-part series from After Hours about anal play. You can see the other posts in the series as they come out here .
The main areas you want to be aware of are the anus , which is the gateway to the pleasure zone, the anal canal , and the rectum . You have two anal sphincters: one near your opening, and one further up your cavity, which work together to help push fecal matter out. You have control over your external sphincter, but not the internal one.
Men also have a prostate , which is located close to, but not inside of the rectum. The prostate can be stimulated through the rectum. There are nerve endings throughout the entire rectum, but most people find that the prostate and the anus are the most pleasurable areas.
Extra extra sales The entire Jachs NY site is on sale—but you can cash in on an extra 25% off pants and shorts. That means shorts are $19 and pants are $29.
Yes, poop comes out of your anus. That squicks a lot of people out, and makes them hesitant about anal play. But your rectum and anus are much cleaner than you might imagine. The most important thing to know is that poop doesn’t just sit right at the entrance of your anus, eagerly awaiting the moment that you sit down on the toilet. Unless you’re already prairie doggin’ it before starting anal play, your fingers are not going to come into contact with a big ol’ turd. The worst-case scenario is that you’ll wind up with a tiny bit of residue (resipoo?) on your fingers, but it’s nothing a little soap and hot water can’t take care of.
It’s also easy to tidy up before anal play. First, take a trip to the bathroom if you feel like you have to go. Then take a shower, and wash your anus with soap. There’s no need to try to clean inside of your rectum. Wash your hands in the shower afterwards. And you’re done. Really, that’s it. This is what you should be doing when you shower anyways, so it’s not a big deal.
If you still don’t feel comfortable with skin-on-skin action, you can wear a latex glove or one of those nifty little finger condoms . If you’re really paranoid, you can always try douching your asshole. It’s not necessary for hygiene’s sake, but if it makes you feel more comfortable, by all means go for it. The Big Gay Review has a great guide to douching safely . You can also conduct your first anal experiments in the shower, where quick cleanup is easy.
Ready for some butthole action? Your own fingers are the best place to start. You have control over them, they’re thinner than most other things you can put up your butt, and they’re free.
First, make sure you have some lube handy. Your asshole does not self-lubricate the way a vagina does, so you absolutely need to use lube . Silicone lubes tend to work best for anal action, since they’re thicker and more durable (they’ll also last much longer if you’re in the shower), but this amazing water-based Jelle lube by Wicked is specially formulated for anal action as well.
Next, wash your hands, and make sure your fingernails are short and filed. (You don’t want jagged nails or sharp hangnails poking around in your butt.) Do whatever you normally do to get yourself in the mood, and start masturbating.
When you feel ready, put a generous amount of lube on your finger. Just like with any other part of your body, it takes time and experimentation to figure out what your asshole likes best. Try out each of the following:
Play around with each of these techniques and try to get a sense of what you like best. Once you’ve found something you like, keep doing it for as long as it feels good.
If the combination of stimulation makes you orgasm, the muscles in your rectum will contract, so you’ll notice a squeezing sensation against your finger. Your muscles may even push your finger out of your butt. Visiting hours are over! Wash your hands with soap as soon as you’re finished, and clean up the lube with toilet paper or a quick shower.
A lot of people get nervous about anal, but it’s really not that difficult to explore safely. Trust us, you’ll be happy once you’ve tried it.

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