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“Rammed hard and fast”: Here’s what you said about pain during anal

You told us—pain during anal sex can be mind-blowing. Here’s what you shared in our anonymous pain & sex survey.

Douchie brings butt health & happiness out of the closet so you can care for your butt in the way it deserves.

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Do you like getting jackhammered till your hole is raw? Do you take pleasure in your partner’s pain—turned on by their moans during rough sex?
We heard you loud and clear: Our community survey got hot and heavy last month with a variety of responses to our questions about pain and anal sex. I can’t wait to fill you up with a hot-off-the-press load of info about what makes our community tick when it comes to pain between the sheets.
“I had a sub who liked rough anal sex and that didn’t want me to use a lot of lube.” –Survey respondent
First, a few words about the survey. We shared this 15-question anonymous survey with our social media followers, on our website and in our newsletters—to reach a convenience sample of people connected to San Francisco AIDS Foundation. The 412 people who took the survey likely felt they had something to say about pain and sex. (In other words, the sample isn’t representative of our entire community or San Francisco.)
“Pain can be enjoyable, if your partner knows how to keep it at the right level.” –Survey respondent
A total of 412 people took the survey. Most identified as male (85%). Cis-women, trans men, trans women, genderqueer people, gender non-conforming, gender non-binary and genderfluid people also took the survey.
About 80% of people identified as gay/homosexual. Other sexual orientations reported were bisexual (9%), straight/heterosexual (8%), asexual (1%), and “other” (mostly pansexual and queer).
Most people (96%) reported that they have anal sex (or have had anal sex in the past). For people having or who had anal sex, 52% reported being “versatile” (being the top and bottom), 29% reported being the bottom (the receptive partner during anal sex), and 15% reported being the top (the penetrative partner during anal sex).
Most people (86%) who bottomed said that they had at some point experienced pain when bottoming. 9% said they had never experienced pain, 1% said they “didn’t know,” and the rest said the question was not applicable.
Most people (64%) who have ever topped said that they have had a partner stop them during sex because it hurt too much. (One person cheekily replied, “Yes, due to my size,” to this question.)
About half of people (51%) said that they have never enjoyed pain during anal sex. More than 100 people (36%) said that they have enjoyed pain during anal sex.
This is where it gets juicy: More than 100 of you wrote in to explain what you like, and why! Generally, responses to the type of pain you enjoy fell into the following categories:
We asked how people would explain pleasurable pain during anal sex to someone who has never felt it before.
One person described it as “like getting a tattoo: It hurts, but you know you still love it.” Another person compared it to popping a painful pimple: “The first few seconds can sting, but the sense of relief and endorphins rush immediately afterwards floods out the momentary ‘pain.’” A few other people compared it to the pain you experience when working out. “It hurts because it’s a muscle being stretched. When you first work out, your muscles hurt because they’re being stretched, but you feel good. Similar good feeling but exponentially better.”
Other notable responses to what you enjoy from pain during sex include:
“A mixture of pain and pleasure, where the pain heightens the degree of pleasure/relief experienced.”
“A little pain is cool. It feels like I’m taking it all in. Like I don’t give up and love it.”
“Butt burning good. Then the relief of him cumming and lubricating my butt with his hot load.”
“A painful erotic distraction that allows the pleasure senses to grow in the background for an epic climax.”
“I would say that pain during sex can be great—heightening all the sensations—if you trust your partner.”
“Sometimes a little pain leads to great pleasure.”
Our favorite response was from the person who said, “Here, let me show you.”
We also asked for your tips on how to prevent pain during anal sex. Most people mentioned the importance of using plenty of lube before and during anal sex. “[Use] LOTS of lube from the jump and add more maybe even if you don’t think you need it,” said one respondent. Another said, “Too much lube is almost enough.”
“Also- remember that there’s a LOT of fun that can be had besides anal, so if it’s not gonna work, it’s OK to move on! No stress—this should be fun!” said one person.
Douchie brings butt health & happiness out of the closet so you can care for your butt in the way it deserves. Get info about everything from douching to fissures with this series on all things anal. Visit sfaf.org/butthealth .
San Francisco AIDS Foundation is a California nonprofit public benefit corporation which has been granted tax exempt status under Internal Revenue Code section 501(c)(3). Our Federal EIN is 94-2927405 and our California corporation number is C1241510.
© 2022 San Francisco AIDS Foundation. All Rights Reserved
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https://www.thebody.com/article/anal-intercourse-aftercare
When it comes to anal sex, we often discuss preparation (aka the three Ds: dieting, douching, dilating), but we rarely mention what to do after engaging in anal sex. As fantastic as it is, anal sex can be traumatic to the body. If we engage regularly, we need to know how to properly care for the area before, during, and after the fun is said and done.
“Anal sex is a high-pressured act with significant forces at play, all of which can be quite traumatic,” Evan Goldstein, D.O., CEO of Bespoke Surgical, a medical and wellness practice for queer men, tells TheBody. “The anal cavity encompasses skin, muscles, and blood vessels, each of which can be restrictive and limiting. What that means is if someone goes beyond their capacity (i.e., their hole is opened up too wide or with too much force), any of these components can tear or develop other complications.”
The bum doesn’t self-lubricate like the vagina, and, since spit doesn’t contain the proper lubricity to ease penetration, one must invest in a quality lube (and lots of it) for a more pleasurable sexual experience and to prevent injury.
I favor a thick, water-based lubricant or silicone lube for anal sex, and applying it to the penis or toy, the b-hole, and inside the hole, since penetration often reaches deeper than the rim area. Lube can be applied with a finger (which makes for great foreplay) or, if your toy or partner is large, a lube injector . You can even play with a lubricated toy to both lube and dilate your hole before the action begins.
Goldstein says “overaggressive anal douching” (i.e., douching with too much water or force) and the angle of the top and bottom’s pelvises are additional factors to consider. “Some people like to get creative with complex sexual positions (which are fine, but only once everyone is comfortable) or they’re simply too aggressive when they’re thrusting before the bottom has opened up,” Goldstein explains. “Unfortunately, there are many variables to think about that can increase the chances of potential anal injury—and they all need to be taken into consideration to minimize possible complications.”
Some people, such as myself , favor CBD suppositories when planning for longer, more intense sessions. These rocket-shaped pills ease inflammation and help relax the area––whether a bum or vagina––prior to intercourse. Some CBD oils offer similar benefits.
Whatever you do, do not use numbing lubricants. These have a reputation of masking pain, which is your body’s way of telling you to stop and reassess the situation. “It’s also going to numb his cock as well, which could result in you getting fucked for a very long time and further irritate the area,” adult actor Dallas Steele adds.
After you’ve bottomed, the area will be more sensitive than usual, so run a nice warm bath, spill in some Epsom salts, and bliss TF out. The warm water and Epsom salts will quell the area and relax your muscles. This makes for an opportune time to replay those sexy moments in your mind and clean the area. While a gentle soap will do the trick, you can be extra and purchase a bum exfoliator to clean and buff your booty hole. If you’re still feeling a little raw after your bath, pop an ibuprofen to help with inflammation.
“If, after four hours, you discover going number-two hurts, try using CBD oil, an anal numbing solution, or just regular dental numbing gel like Anbesol,” Steele recommends. “This will lessen the pain while your hole recovers from the pounding.”
After you’ve pooped, inspect the stool for blood. A little bleeding can be expected from time to time, but excessive pain, bleeding, or discharge should not, and you may want to consult a physician.
If you witness any of these symptoms, abstain from anal intercourse until they’re gone. This can take anywhere from a few days to a week to heal. In the meantime, take some Metamucil before bed, and drink plenty of water, so bowel movements are as smooth as possible, and take a sitz bath three to four times a day to keep the area clean. For good measure, use this time to consider how things can be done more carefully next time.
Moving forward, you may also want to reevaluate how you clean your bum after a bowel movement, since wet wipes are no good for your rear, especially if you engage in regular anal intercourse. Due to their ingredients, their moisture, and their material, wet wipes can irritate and even infect your precious booty hole .
Toilet paper can be similarly abrasive, especially when you wipe instead of blot. That’s why you should be using a bidet. They’re a bottom’s best friend and offer a spa-like experience for your tuffet.
To keep your hole in tip-top shape, do some Kegels to tighten your pelvic floor and teach your hole some new tricks. Just insert a toy into your bum, flex, and repeat—it’s as simple as that. Additionally, many adult actors swear by vitamin E to keep their holes camera-ready. Dolf Dietrich , who is no stranger to a gangbang, applies vitamin E oil once per day, both in and around his hole.
Some bum injuries require surgery. At Bespoke Surgical, the most common injury is an anal fissure, a tear in the skin that’s incredibly painful. Other potential consequences could be dilated veins (hemorrhoids), skin tag development (residual hemorrhoids or scarring from tears), anal infections (abscesses), and/or the development of an infected tunnel (anal fistula). All of these can be treated—just make sure you see a sex-positive, queer-friendly doctor who is knowledgeable about the bum.
As you can see, there are a lot of things to consider even after you’ve had butt sex. While these suggestions may not be as important as the planning––Steele insists, “The key to not being sore or even hurting after sex is to be prepared before, and to know your limits and experience level”––anal aftercare is good practice. We put our bums through a lot, and it’s time we give back.
Bobby Box is a freelance writer and certified sex educator. He's currently Grindr's sex columnist and his work has been published in Daily Beast, Playboy , Askmen, Elle , NewNowNext, The Advocate , and more.
© 2022 Remedy Health Media, LLC ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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