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“Rammed hard and fast”: Here’s what you said about pain during anal

You told us—pain during anal sex can be mind-blowing. Here’s what you shared in our anonymous pain & sex survey.

Douchie brings butt health & happiness out of the closet so you can care for your butt in the way it deserves.

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Do you like getting jackhammered till your hole is raw? Do you take pleasure in your partner’s pain—turned on by their moans during rough sex?
We heard you loud and clear: Our community survey got hot and heavy last month with a variety of responses to our questions about pain and anal sex. I can’t wait to fill you up with a hot-off-the-press load of info about what makes our community tick when it comes to pain between the sheets.
“I had a sub who liked rough anal sex and that didn’t want me to use a lot of lube.” –Survey respondent
First, a few words about the survey. We shared this 15-question anonymous survey with our social media followers, on our website and in our newsletters—to reach a convenience sample of people connected to San Francisco AIDS Foundation. The 412 people who took the survey likely felt they had something to say about pain and sex. (In other words, the sample isn’t representative of our entire community or San Francisco.)
“Pain can be enjoyable, if your partner knows how to keep it at the right level.” –Survey respondent
A total of 412 people took the survey. Most identified as male (85%). Cis-women, trans men, trans women, genderqueer people, gender non-conforming, gender non-binary and genderfluid people also took the survey.
About 80% of people identified as gay/homosexual. Other sexual orientations reported were bisexual (9%), straight/heterosexual (8%), asexual (1%), and “other” (mostly pansexual and queer).
Most people (96%) reported that they have anal sex (or have had anal sex in the past). For people having or who had anal sex, 52% reported being “versatile” (being the top and bottom), 29% reported being the bottom (the receptive partner during anal sex), and 15% reported being the top (the penetrative partner during anal sex).
Most people (86%) who bottomed said that they had at some point experienced pain when bottoming. 9% said they had never experienced pain, 1% said they “didn’t know,” and the rest said the question was not applicable.
Most people (64%) who have ever topped said that they have had a partner stop them during sex because it hurt too much. (One person cheekily replied, “Yes, due to my size,” to this question.)
About half of people (51%) said that they have never enjoyed pain during anal sex. More than 100 people (36%) said that they have enjoyed pain during anal sex.
This is where it gets juicy: More than 100 of you wrote in to explain what you like, and why! Generally, responses to the type of pain you enjoy fell into the following categories:
We asked how people would explain pleasurable pain during anal sex to someone who has never felt it before.
One person described it as “like getting a tattoo: It hurts, but you know you still love it.” Another person compared it to popping a painful pimple: “The first few seconds can sting, but the sense of relief and endorphins rush immediately afterwards floods out the momentary ‘pain.’” A few other people compared it to the pain you experience when working out. “It hurts because it’s a muscle being stretched. When you first work out, your muscles hurt because they’re being stretched, but you feel good. Similar good feeling but exponentially better.”
Other notable responses to what you enjoy from pain during sex include:
“A mixture of pain and pleasure, where the pain heightens the degree of pleasure/relief experienced.”
“A little pain is cool. It feels like I’m taking it all in. Like I don’t give up and love it.”
“Butt burning good. Then the relief of him cumming and lubricating my butt with his hot load.”
“A painful erotic distraction that allows the pleasure senses to grow in the background for an epic climax.”
“I would say that pain during sex can be great—heightening all the sensations—if you trust your partner.”
“Sometimes a little pain leads to great pleasure.”
Our favorite response was from the person who said, “Here, let me show you.”
We also asked for your tips on how to prevent pain during anal sex. Most people mentioned the importance of using plenty of lube before and during anal sex. “[Use] LOTS of lube from the jump and add more maybe even if you don’t think you need it,” said one respondent. Another said, “Too much lube is almost enough.”
“Also- remember that there’s a LOT of fun that can be had besides anal, so if it’s not gonna work, it’s OK to move on! No stress—this should be fun!” said one person.
Douchie brings butt health & happiness out of the closet so you can care for your butt in the way it deserves. Get info about everything from douching to fissures with this series on all things anal. Visit sfaf.org/butthealth .
San Francisco AIDS Foundation is a California nonprofit public benefit corporation which has been granted tax exempt status under Internal Revenue Code section 501(c)(3). Our Federal EIN is 94-2927405 and our California corporation number is C1241510.
© 2022 San Francisco AIDS Foundation. All Rights Reserved
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Mental Health / By
Mahevash



/ May 6, 2019 June 24, 2022


22 thoughts on “10 Asshole Traits That Are Actually Signs Of Mental Illness”


Designed with 💛 by The Designer Genie .
We all have at least one person in our lives who we consider an asshole. But did you know that the individual you have categorized as an asshole might just be someone who has or exhibits signs of some mental illness? Without further ado, let’s take a look at some of these asshole traits that may not be asshole traits after all.
Arrogance is a classic sign of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). A person with NPD is so drunk on self-importance that they think they are vastly superior to others, so much so that no one can rival them. Therefore, she has an over-inflated ego and spends her time exaggerating her skills, achievements, and talents. While she may appear very content and self-satisfied, in reality, she has a very fragile ego. After all, would a secure person go around bragging about her accomplishments?
While a narcissist can be very hard to deal with, try to restrain yourself from trying to take her down a peg. For if you criticize, insult, or prove her wrong, she will take revenge for her humiliation. Typically, this means that she will react with extreme aggression, play mind games, and basically leave no stone unturned in making your life miserable.
Lying with reckless abandon is one of the prime symptoms of someone with Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD). Similar to a narcissist, a person with ASPD is highly manipulative in nature. One of the ways in which this tendency manifests itself is chronic lying , even conning people – and just for the fun of it. Being antisocial by nature, he has very little regard for the law and other people. So don’t bother trying to stir his conscience by telling him what he is doing is outright wrong. No matter what you do, he will feel neither guilt nor remorse for actions. He is unable to feel empathy for others, so he will need professional help to get him to change his ways. Little wonder then that the colloquial term for someone with this condition is sociopath .
Lying all the time can also be a symptom of pathological lying. Pathological lying can be a symptom of antisocial personality disorder(ASPD), histrionic personality disorder(HPD) or even narcissistic personality disorder(NPD). But when someone doesn’t show other symptoms of any of the disorders, then it is simply a stand-alone disorder called pathological lying. Here the person lies compulsively repeatedly, without feeling any shame or guilt and without having a particular reason. No matter which of the above maladies your coworker is suffering from, know that you cannot fix it simply by shaming or exposing them.
If she takes everything personally, chances are high she has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This happens because of a mental state called hypervigilance, which typically translates into misreading facial expressions, misinterpreting verbal and non-verbal communication for someone with BPD. For example, if you raise your eyebrows in the middle of a serious conversation, she might accuse you of being insincere or sarcastic. Or if you are unable to help her out because you are busy, she will assume that you are refusing to help here because you are angry with her for some reason.
She isn’t trying to be dramatic or attention seeking when she thinks or says such things, because, in her heart, she truly believes it. So if you routinely find yourself being blamed for saying something you never said or meant, now you know why she is overreacting or jumping to conclusions.
Whether he has generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) or social anxiety disorder (SAD), he is going to earn a reputation of being a flake. But it isn’t fair; he bails on you because that’s just what anxiety makes you do. His anxiety convinces him that it’s better if he stays at home instead of showing up and making a fool out of himself at a social event. The thought of interacting with—and being judged by—other people gets so debilitating that he’d rather earn the uncoveted reputation of being unreliable than step out and embarrass himself . Not to mention the damage this does to his social life- the more often he cancels, the less frequently he gets invited to other events. Even his relationships suffer because people assume that he doesn’t value their time or them, so they should stop making an effort to try and spend time with him.
One of the consequences of having depression is reduced empathy. The sufferer is so wrapped up in self-pity and sorrow that she has little emotional energy to feel for others. This may result in what is known as impaired empathy, wherein she is incapable of understanding the depth of other people’s pain and suffering. She becomes apathetic as it is a coping mechanism to deal with the overwhelming nature of depression . The disorder ensures that she thinks negatively about her past, feels worthless, believes that her future is going to be just as bleak, and so on.
When she is stuck in her own head and trapped inside a fog of repetitive dark thoughts, how will she able to look outside of herself and take a walk in someone else’s shoes? That is why she barely reaches out to you when you suffer a personal tragedy like say, your pet dog dies.
If he is rigid beyond measure, there’s more than a good chance he suffers from Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) . Can you imagine what a terrible boss this makes him? OCPD is what makes him believe that it’s his way or the highway. A perfectionist by nature, he thinks that he knows best and that others should emulate his ways if they want great work to be the outcome.
His preoccupation with perfectionism is what makes him closed to new ways of doing something. He thus becomes a bully as he refuses to listen to new ideas and opinions and wants his subordinates to only do what he expects of them. Criticism comes naturally to him but he cannot take it himself, so make sure you do not criticize him as it will offend him. Expect to deal with irritants like excessive micromanagement and impossibly high standards.
Consistent suspicion and grudge-holding are two classic signs of a Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD) . Suspicion stems from her belief that people are out to deceive, exploit, or harm her. She also strongly believes that people cannot be trusted as they are unable to be loyal. With this in mind, let alone talk about personal issues, she does not share even basic personal information with others as she is afraid they will use the information she has shared in order to harm her in some way. The tendency to hold grudges also stems from this pervasive suspicion. It typically begins when she misinterprets someone’s innocent words as insulting or threatening. To her, the insult or threat is very real, and she is prone to not forgiving easily and holding a grudge for a very long time. Worse, she responds aggressively and quickly to both real and imagined insults.
Extreme suspicion and grudge-holding are also symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD). A person with BPD is extremely insecure, has very low self-esteem, and therefore, tends to be suspicious. They suffer from “emotional burn”, wherein any trivial comment is perceived as a slight or an insult and they don’t forgive thereby holding grudges.
Most of us know that Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is characterized by traits like hyperactivity and inattentiveness. Due to these traits, one minute he can be excited and into a task, and the next minute he can be bored and onto another task without finishing the one he initially started. Naturally, this makes him come off as irresponsible no matter what role he is playing – employee, spouse, sibling, etc. At work or at home, he is seen as unreliable because of his poor attention span and inability to follow through with anything .
Unlike people with say, Antisocial Personality Disorder or Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder, he is fully aware of his failings. He is weighed down by the chronic shame of not being able to meet others’ expectations. He also has to deal with insensitive accusations like he is failing because he is not trying hard enough. The guy is fully aware that he is a square peg in a world full of round holes.
No, I am not making this shit up. Infidelity is one of the common consequences of what we know as Bipolar Disorder. According to the International Bipolar Foundation, 25-80% of people with this disorder have a symptom called hypersexuality . As the word implies, hypersexuality involves an uncontrollable obsession with sex and going to any length to get some action. In layman’s terms, it means addiction to sex.
Bipolar disorder consists of two phases: mania (highs) and hypomania (lows). When a person is manic, they behave differently than they usually do. This often involves indulging in behavior with regrettable consequences, such as gambling, going on a shopping spree, or indulging in acts of sexual indiscretion. Even though she might have a perfectly normal moral compass otherwise, she won’t realize what she is doing is wrong at the time. Only after the manic episode has passed will she be aware of all the things she did during it.
Sleeping with multiple people is also a symptom of Borderline personality disorder (BPD), where the sufferer partakes in risky behaviors like substance abuse and promiscuity.
Does he get uncontrollably angry over little things and cause damage to property, animals, or other people due to the same? The guy may just have Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED) . An individual with IED experiences episodes in which he is unable to control his anger and simply has to unleash his aggression. Since he loses control, he ends up committing acts of verbal or physical violence.
So if the man is known to have incidents of temper tantrums, road rage, or even domestic violence, know that it is impulsive, not premeditated. Before the act, he will feel an uncontrollable impulse to release his anger. According to Psychology Today, sometimes the impulse may also be accompanied by tingling, tremors, palpitations, chest tightness, etc. In contrast, he will typically feel a sense of shame, guilt, remorse, or embarrassment afterward.
Disclaimer:
The point of this article is only to raise awareness about the kind of impact mental illness can have on an individual’s personal and professional life. Please do not try to diagnose or label yourself, your coworkers, friends, or family on the basis of some behaviors or symptoms.
Just because someone exhibits a few traits of a mental illness, it does not mean they have a mental illness. Only a psychologist or psychiatrist is qualified to diagnose mental health conditions, so always seek professional help instead of going with your gut or performing self-diagnosis. 
There’s a title for every “asshole” mental illness, and they are all taking over the world. Everyone has mental problems caused by the stress of life. It doesn’t give anyone the excuse to treat everyone so poorly around them. What happened to taking responsibility for one’s actions, even just admitting “I’m just an asshole” everyone jumps to the idea of maybe there’s a mental diagnosis. And since mental Heath has taken a back seat in a society that so clearly needs to be addressed immediately, I guess that is just health professional’s way of saying to the rest of us…deal with it and we will see you TOO eventually.
Sorry for all those who ARE actually suffering with a diagnosis!… for all the rest using mental illness as an excuse, grow up!
Well, someone finally put into words what has become increasingly obvious to me.
I have NO solution to offer, but it appears it is only getting worse.
Not much of a future to look forward to.
At this point, it is estimated that 30% of the population might have fallen into the category of “asshole” as defined in the in the blog above. SAD
This article is biased. Sure these disorders and illnesses can have these traits, but to slap a mental illness on behaviors without looking at many other factors is just grouping people into categories and I feel it leads to irresponsible behaviors. It’s based on genetics, the present environment, the past experiences, and also nutrition and what a person puts into their body. It also has to do with an individual’s ability to take responsibility for their behavior. That can again be based on all the factors I mentioned. Regardless what any person does or doesn’t do, it’s all graded off what society has termed ‘normal’. If 80% of people in the world had bipolar behavior, what would that mean? Would that be considered normal? No. So who decides what is acceptable behavior and what is borderline of anything? Society as a whole is expected to function within the laws of peace. When that is disturbed, and an individual can’t seem to control whatever behavior is going against those laws, then we look at terms of a possible disorder. Getting treatment for a disorder is difficult because a person is so complicated, one treatment cannot begin to touch all the aspects of that persons issues. If we’re looking to feel perfect all the time then that isn’t going to
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