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AITA for calling my boyfriend a hypocrite when he told me to stop spending so much time on my crotcheting?
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Update: AITA for not wanting to sign away my rights?
AITA for not changing my diet and workout plan?
AITA for saying to my dads new wife that I will not come to his deathbed?
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(-Just wanted to apologise for any spelling mistakes that are being pointed out, English is not my mother tongue. I will correct the spelling mistake. Thank you!)
Yes I know this sounds ridiculous, but he's fuming with me at the moment and I can't get through to him.
Okay well, I crochet a lot, like a lot a lot, it's my hobby and helps me deal with my really bad anxiety. My partner doesn't like that I do it so much.
Just to set some background, I work full-time, and when I'm not working I make sure to clean up our house, make some dinner, ensure the dog has had a walk...just general household upkeep- before I sit down on the sofa and crochet.
When my boyfriend came up to me today and said that he's unhappy with how much time I spend crocheting, I'm not going to lie, I laughed a bit, and basically said, you spend more time playing games in one day than I do crocheting in a week. He really did not like that answer. I told him that before I crochet, I ensure that all my household duties are done, that dinner is made etc...
My boyfriend works part-time from home, and when he's not working he's playing games, just getting him to clean the bathroom once a week is a task in itself...
He's fuming with me now and saying I'm attacking him and asking if I just want him to stop doing what makes him happy, I said that's not the case at all. Then he said that I'm just angry with him because he gets to work from home? Also not the case! I work in a brain rehabilitation unit, I've always enjoyed my job and obviously it's not a career where I can just work from home.
I called him a hypocrite with how he's trying to tell me off for doing something 'too much' when he himself can't even get basic chores done. Now he's got the huff with me and anytime I try to make conversation he cusses me out lol.
Was asked to include this comment to why he came up to me in the first place about this: I probably should have mentioned his reasoning. The reason I mentioned the chores, is because that's what he told me I should be doing more of. He said instead of spending time on the crocheting, I could be using that time to do more impactful and useful things, like I could be cleaning up more, or doing more laundry, or finding more 'fun' dishes to make (I'm Polish and predominantly cook Polish food, he's never been very on board with that.)
It’s been a while since I posted this and a lot has happened since then.
And by a lot I mean I finally became a dad!! My son is healthy and beautiful, most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen. One of the best things to ever happen to me honestly; despite the drama.
Thank you everyone who was helpful and encouraging in this situation. It felt good to know even with what everyone else was saying, I had a right to say no to my ex’s demands and I’m not the one at fault for what happened.
Several of you had suggested I talk to her about switching it around so that I could ask about getting full custody instead of being cut out if her husband had such a problem with me being around. Was a great idea and I feel pretty stupid for not thinking about it myself.
So here’s what happened, I decided to try again and contact her husband because throughout this whole time he was refusing to speak to me. But I just wanted to see if I could get through to him as a last resort.
He agreed for us to talk and I was shocked to find out he’d actually changed his mind about accepting the baby 2 months ago (before I made the post). Originally, he did have that condition that he’d only take her back and adopt my son if I wasn’t in the picture, but decided he didn’t want to raise another man’s baby.
So she lied to me about him still having this condition and this was just her attempt to try to fix everything even though he was planning on going through with the divorce.
He was pretty mad about what she was doing too so he was kind of on my side about it. Did get a lawyer involved and had another talk with her as well after he spoke to her pretty much saying he’d never take her back no matter what she did at this point.
That got her to see trying to keep me out wasn’t going to do anything. I brought up the full custody thing to see if that was something she wanted and she agreed.
My husband and I don't tend to eat the best and as a result struggle with our weights. 2 years ago, I had enough, and overhauled my diet and workout routine. Since then I have lost 70 lbs. He did not follow suit. He continued to eat fast food and made no effort to join in my workouts. Now, two years later, he's decided that he wants to get "serious" about his diet and weight loss.
He did not join me in my weight loss journey, but is ADAMANT that I must eat the same food and do the same exercises as him now that he wants to lose weight. His proposed "diet plan" is not at all compatible with my dietary needs and his workout routine is absolutely incompatible with my schedule.
I support his journey wholeheartedly. I am more than happy to work out and cook meals beside him. However, I don't think it's fair that I need to drop everything that I'm doing and change what is working for me to be "supportive."
When I was 8 years old my father cheated on my mother and they separated. He found a new wife but they didn’t get any children. He was never really interested in me, he didn’t payed child support. He often forgot to pick me up when my mother arranged meetings with us two. When he picked me up, he often went out with his wife and I was all night alone in their house.
When I was 11 I had a very dangerous allergic reaction and I was in the hospital for 4 weeks. I wanted my father to be there so bad but he said he would only come if my mother would not visit me anymore. At this point I realised that I don’t want him in my life and we only had the necessary contact after this till I was 18 years old.
One year ago he got very ill and called me. He said that he now wants to have contact and I declined. I said that I’m not angry with him but I don’t want to play perfect family with him. I don’t think a father is something you can only be when you want rather it’s a lifelong job. His new wife called me every single day after this and insisted that I should come (I live like 5 hours away) and visit him and that he wants to have peace with me. I told her very often that peace doesn’t mean that I come and visit.
He died two months ago and since then I get nearly every day a text from his wife what a bad person I am and how I am an asshole for not granting him his last wish. First I thought it might only help her to get over the pain. But now I’m not sure if it was an asshole move? I mean he wasn’t a dad all my life so I don’t need to play his daughter because he’s dying? If I went to visit he would except me to be just fine and loving when in reality it would be only a lie. So I don’t know.
EDIT: thank you for all of your support. I hesitated with blocking her because I thought it will stop after a few weeks and I didn’t wanted to make her angrier with blocking her. I did it the way some of you suggested and wrote her that my father wasn’t there for me and I don’t need to be there for him or her and that I will take legal steps if she continues to harass me. And then I just hit the block button and I‘m kind of nervous but happy at the same time. Also some of you suggested to got to therapy and again, thank you for your support. I think that now is maybe the right time to do it.
I’m also sorry for all of you who had to go through similarly things. I’m so sorry.
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