Asshole Chase

Asshole Chase
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If you've paid much attention to the men that women gravitate
towards, they're pretty much
all assholes.
Yeah, sure... deep down, they may actually be good guys. "An asshole
with a heart of gold", for instance.
If you yourself are not an
asshole though, adopting some of the traits of a guy like this so you
can be an asshole can seem
like something of a mountain to climb... society keeps telling you not
to, but women's obvious mate selections over and over again keep
telling you differently.
In " How to Spot a Girl Looking for Men ",
Michal asked about the path to embracing one's inner asshole:
Let's talk about jerks and assholes, then - and what it takes to be
one.
I'm a big believer in being a genuine man - not a jerk.
But that doesn't stop women from calling me an asshole regardless.
"You're an asshole", when uttered by an attractive woman, can in
fact mean several different things, depending on context and vocal
inflection:
Those last two are the ones we're interested in in today's article.
However, it's important you be the right kind of asshole - or you can end up
being a #1 instead of a #2 or a #3 (and actually, you very frequently
WILL end up being a #1 when you're just trying on your asshole hat for
the first time... sort of goes with the territory).
I probably don't have to tell you,
if you're reading Girls Chase, that women don't really mean it when
they loudly moan about assholes to whomever is paying attention:
"Why can't I ever just find a nice guy ?! ALL I ever meet are
JERKS!"
... not any more than they mean it, anyway, when they say something
like, "Oh, WHY does chocolate have to taste SO GOOD?! Why can't it just
taste horrible, so I don't want to have it anymore?"
Of course, nice guys hear this and think, "A HA ! Women don't like chocolate after all ... well, I'll just go be
Brussels sprouts, and they won't be able to keep their taste buds off
of
me!"
But this is taking those words at face value, instead of reading the
subtext.
And the subtext here is, she meets plenty
of nice guys... probably way more nice guys than she does jerks, in
fact.
She just doesn't date
those guys, is all. She dates the jerks instead.
A jerk or an asshole intrinsically has most of the traits that we
know women find maddeningly, lustily appealing in a man:
He has epic amounts of pride, which research has established is
the single most attractive male facial expression (as discussed
in " A Devil May Care Attitude: What It Is &
How to Get It "), and among the most attractive male traits
overall

He's selfish, dominant , decisive ,
and unapologetically goes for what he wants - all the qualities of a leader , and someone likely to be
physically dominant as well -
two other major attraction switches

He makes it clear quite quickly that he doesn't need women, and
is willing to walk away if he doesn't get his way - an indication of an
abundance mentality , which
itself is an indication of preselection , a major attraction
trigger
He moves fast with women, which
keeps him hitting escalation windows and steers
him far clear of the friend zone , a place he more or
less never has to worry about ending up in
He's a natural user of sprezzatura and follower of the Law
of Least Effort , simply because, again, he's selfish, and
he's not going to work harder to do something he can accomplish with
less work; nor is he going to second guess himself and race around
trying to bend to other people's whims

He is, in other words, a walking sex
symbol, sent straight from the pages of women's romance novels and out
into the real world.
And, if you so choose, you can be just like him yourself, too.
If you've seen Tropic Thunder ,
you doubtless remember Kirk Lazarus's actor's admonition to Chuck
Speedman about never going full retard when playing the role of a
mentally retarded person on screen.
Well, just like you never want to go full retard, you also never
want to go full asshole.
FULL asshole is where you are SUCH a damn asshole that you're
walking around ruining everybody's day around you just because .
Full asshole is when you're a dick for NO reason... just because you
think that's what assholes do.
Yes, you will sometimes put a damper on someone's enthusiasm.
And sometimes you're going to be a dick.
But you want to have reasons behind your actions, and not be doing
them out of spite, or for the fun of it. Doing that gets you labeled as
that first kind of asshole we talked about above - not the sexy naughty
one, but the despicable scumbag loser one instead.
Never go full asshole. Just
go enough that you add some noticeable flair to your style.
If you came from a thoughtful, considerate household, you were
doubtless taught the value of politeness, decency, and kind-hearted
goodness Michal mentions above in his comment.
I can relate... I learned all these things too. And they're
certainly valuable in their own respects; being able to fit into
society has its place.
However ... these traits are more disadvantageous than
not when it comes to sleeping
with girls and getting
phone numbers and going on dates .
You're better off not having them than you are having them when it
comes to these arenas.
Reason being? Politeness is what
you use not to offend... it's what you use with your superiors .
How much do you worry about being super polite to small children?
Probably not much.
But when you're raised to be polite, you're raised to view almost
everybody else as a superior in SOME respect - heck, you're even polite
to homeless people... and may even feel obligated to give money if
asked... because part of you feels
like you HAVE to .
Part of you feels like you are the polite, yielding subordinate -
and if asked, you must do.
And you even end up feeling this way with women .
And guess what? Women aren't
interested in subordinates.
And if you're being overly kind, considerate, and polite to them,
they'll know right away that isn't you.
When I used to coach guys who were very new to getting girls , or just working
on themselves socially, one of the top recommendations I'd frequently
have for them would be: you need to spend a LOT more time just
being an asshole to people, pushing the limits of what you can get away
with socially, and saying NO .
And what I'd invariably find was that guys who were accustomed to
being nice and polite often had great difficulty in doing this.
What happens is that a guy has spent so much time being polite his whole
life, that when he does things that feel to him like he's being a big
asshole, most people end up seeing him as still being really polite.
The guy will be worried that he's just being too much of a dick...
but people will keep telling him he's a really swell fellow.
So, while you don't want to go full asshole, you will need to push
the boundaries a lot more than you're going to be comfortable with when
you're starting out learning how to be a jerk, especially if you're
used to being a good guy, respectful, and polite.
Let's talk mental first, and technical second.
All assholes have a pair of mentalities in common:
What I want comes first.
To an asshole, other people may matter... but what he wants matters
most of all. A commenter just shared an opinion on the article about white knights that I am an
asshole for sleeping with a girl who has a boyfriend... because I did
not "respect their relationship dynamic." And you know what? He's
right. As I mentioned in the comment section of the article on girls with boyfriends , my
concern is my happiness and the girl's happiness - some guy I don't
know whom she obviously doesn't respect enough to stay faithful to I'm
not going to worry myself over.
That's an opinion you simply
cannot hold if you are a nice guy or a white knight... it's
anathema to your belief system of not offending anybody or hurting
anyone's feelings or stepping on anybody's toes. Don't hurt people you
don't need to hurt - there's no need to be an out-and-out dick - but if you're trying to
sacrifice yourself to save the world, an asshole you cannot be.
You don't like it? Cool -
there's the door. Another major difference between polite
people and assholes is that polite people want everyone to like them,
and will accommodate people like crazy to make sure that they do.
Assholes, conversely, are far less attached to being liked by everyone ... they know whom they
want to like them, know whom they have to be to be liked by those
people, and anyone who doesn't respond to whom they already are can go pound sand, because she
obviously isn't the kind of person he's angling to meet and connect
with.
Note: again, not going full asshole here -
you're not not accommodating anyone .
Rather, you've tailored yourself to fit best with a certain kind of
person - the kind of person you want in your life. People who dislike
you, or the way you come across, get told to beat it - but you don't
tell everyone to beat it.
Only the people who want you to change radically to accommodate them,
in exchange for... absolutely nothing of any real value to your life,
aside from their fleeting, passing approval. No thanks; don't need it...
I wanted to list more, but I really think these two mentalities get
right to the heart of the difference between a nice guy and an asshole.
An asshole goes after what HE wants,
first and foremost, and he has little interest in accommodating those
who are not accommodating him .
You could write this down as "I'm my own man" or "I do what I want"
or "I'm no one's bitch" or anything like that, and those would all be
accurate too, but they all feel like overly ephemeral statements if you
ask me.
If you want a couple of concrete, simple thoughts the mind can
easily latch onto instead, they're:
When you're new to asshole-dom, you're not always going
to be
following the mental precepts of the asshole code, simply because your
brain is programmed to follow its old polite programming, and you're in
the middle of, rather than already have completed, reprogramming it
into jerk mode.
So, to help you along the path and keep you on course, here are some
technical elements you can mix into how you interact with people to get
you behaving like an asshole even when you aren't feeling like it quite
yet:
Demand equivalent or
greater value exchanges for all things asked of you. Once
you have mastered assholery, you can toss this one aside and embrace
the Zen of being a Genuine Man who does things as he pleases without
requiring compensation... but when you're still learning how to be an
asshole, this rule is law. Rather than spell it out, I'll list here
some examples to show you what this looks like:
You:
I will if we're sitting down - you go find us some nice seats where we
can sit next to each other and chat, and I'll go grab us some drinks,
savvy?

You:
I'm already carrying a lot, but if you can hold this heavy bag for me,
I'll hold your jacket for you.
Friend:
Yo dude, can you give me a ride to the airport?
You:
Okay - but hot dogs and colas are on you.

You can have some fun with this one, too - if you want to refuse a
request, just make a ridiculous demand back (like in the jacket one -
she wants you to lighten her load, but you offer to trade something
heavier for her jacket instead). If the other person
begs/pleads/insists on you doing the thing and them NOT doing the thing
you asked for in return... all you do is say, "No way," and reiterate
your demand. SHE needs YOU... you aren't the one who needs this favor
here. If she wants your help, it's on your terms - or else she can
scrap this request altogether.
And... if you're worried about losing her interest in you if you
refuse her request, just suck it up and do this a few times - you'll
get comfortable doing this quickly enough. Trust me - if she leaves because you refuse compliance
this way, you weren't going to get anywhere with her anyway .
Girls who like you will stick around, even if you won't buy them a
drink, so long as you aren't rude or insulting about it and deal with
the request in a socially graceful (if
assholeish) way.

Don't move / repeat
unless absolutely necessary. When someone says, "Sorry?"
or, "Come again?" pause for 3
seconds or so before you repeat yourself... most of the time, the person heard
you the first time around, and just wanted a moment to think. By not
immediately repeating yourself, you create tension, pressure her to
acknowledge she heard and understood you, and display a jerk-like level
of disregard for someone asking you to repeat yourself.
Same with moving for people - don't scooch over or make yourself
smaller just
because someone sat down next to you in the booth or stood next to you
on the bus. Let them move around you - or be fine taking up space.
All those times you put a
little extra effort in to be polite and accommodating of others - stop
it. Make them move around you. Make them work for you. Stop making it easy
for them. If you need help, just imagine/pretend you are totally
oblivious, and don't move or similarly exert effort for someone else
unless you absolutely have to and are being asked to do so directly
(and decide to do so). 99% of the "would you please move" signs you'll
get are nonverbal / implied - and pretty much all of these are safe to
ignore. If someone is being genuinely polite to you BACK, he or she
will ask, NICELY. Never accommodate someone who isn't polite enough
even to ask you aloud for your effort, and instead just expects you to
move. Just ignore these actions and pretend not to see - stay engaged
in your conversations, don't break circle , or stare at the
ceiling like you're completely spaced out if you have nothing better to
do.

When people fish for
compliments... bust their stones. "Oh my God, I'm getting so fat!" If a girl says this around
a nice/polite guy, his response is going to be something reassuring her
that she looks fine to him. If she says it around you , though, you're going to say
something more like this: [pinching a little belly fat between your
fingers] "Uh oh, what's this
doing here? Looks like someone's been enjoying a few too many cupcakes
and not enough treadmill runs."
This one's easy, because all
you have
to remember is that fishing for compliments = invitation to be busted
on . Take her up on it - don't disappoint her by giving a boring
nice
guy compliment... there's no fun, surprise, or intrigue in that
whatsoever.

Tell stories about people
trying to get things from you and you ignoring this. Do a
little storytelling about some girl
asking you for something ridiculous, and you just thinking that was
really silly and cute, then yawning, and oh-welling. Or, tell that tale
about some tough guy who was trying to intimidate you, and you just
ignored it and went back to playing pool with your friends, because who
cares about that guy, and then the guy tried to start a fight and the
manager broke it up and kicked that guy and his friends out.
Storytelling can be a very powerful way to communicate that you are
nonplussed by people asking you for stuff, and are most definitely not an overly polite, overly
accommodating person.
Disagree with people.
If you were raised to be polite, you probably learned not to disagree
with people whenever possible... the reason being that you can cause
them to lose face socially. Well,
assholes don't care about this... if someone's wrong, he's
wrong, and the asshole has no compunction about letting him (and
everyone in earshot) know it. You don't have to throttle the guy
completely, but if someone says something that's obviously wrong, jump
in and disagree: "Wait, hold up, I want to point something out here
that isn't entirely correct before we go on with the conversation..."
if you're being diplomatic, or, "Oh come on... that's not true and YOU
know it," if you're dispensing with diplomacy and just focused on
driving the point home.
Quit being a white knight.
It's almost impossible to be an asshole while riding around gallantly
putting women first and acting as hero to your fellow man and being at
his service. Don't worry, there are PLENTY of guys out there who will
be more than happy to step in and fill your white knight shoes... the
world ain't even gonna miss you in that role. An asshole does not stick his neck on the line for
people who aren't doing something equally awesome or better for him -
unlike the gallant knight, he is not riding to your rescue, nor is he
"always at your service." Instead, he's sitting at the bar drinking a
beer and shrugging his eyebrows, watching in mild amusement at the
latest ridiculous mess you've managed to find yourself in, before
turning back
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