Asian Women Seeking Fat American Men Reddit
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Asian Women Seeking Fat American Men Reddit
I’m a black girl who mostly dates white guys. Why do black men get upset when they see me out with a white man? I see black men with white women all the time and I don’t think anything of it.
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Comment deleted by user · 3 yr. ago
Comment deleted by user · 3 yr. ago
Comment deleted by user · 3 yr. ago
The men who get upset at that probably wouldn't date a white woman themselves. As for their reasoning, I'd like to ask the same thing of black women who get upset at black men who date outside their race. My guess is in-group/out-group dynamics.
The men who are jealous of her boyfriend probably aren't the same ones who date white women. Maybe they feel like they're at a disadvantage. Which isn't necessarily true.. Seen a lot of black guys with white women as well. Don't take it personal
To be honest, I think it’s about some weird sense of ownership – almost like a tribe mentality that’s gone off the rails into something dark. And that can sometimes get tied in with a depressing sense of inferiority that’s been placed on black people for centuries.
For reference, I’m a black woman who’s married to a white man. Before we were together, I mostly dated white guys.
In my experience, the only people who’ve ever had a problem with that have fallen into two categories: racist white people who think I’m garbage and want me to stay with “my kind” instead of bringing down my partner’s station in life (as an in-law so eloquently stated to me once). Or racist black people who think I’m acting like I think I’m “too good” for black men.
Of the latter, I find it’s often black guys but it’s also some black women. I think their explanations for it come from a really dark and depressing place that reflects the history of race in America. I’ve had some tell me I should only be with black men because so many white people already see black people as less desirable. So that in my choosing to be with someone else, I’m discriminating against my own people.
Another argument I’ve heard is that white men have historically taken advantage of others and often in the form of forced marriage or sexual assault with women of other cultures. I had some jerk who was trying to pick me up at a bar tell me I was making a mistake by allowing a white man to “claim” me. That gross interaction has stayed with me all this time later because I sat there looking a brother in the eyes and having him degrade me like that just because I wasn’t going to sleep with him.
The whole idea doesn’t make sense. But from what I can understand, the people who are loudest about this have some really rough feelings about race and have internalized them instead of trying to work out their own prejudices and enlightening themselves. It’s sort of like a racism towards white people that internalized into a devaluing of self. If that makes sense.
These are such sad ways to look at life. Because it just creates more prejudice and implies that as black women, we’re still not free to make our own choices. Only in this context, it’s “our people” trying to own us.
Edit: Wow! Thanks so much for the upvotes and lovely Reddit awards. I’m shocked. I usually just use this account to wander into threads about weird tv shows and a lot of other hilarious nonsense. I never expected anything I wrote in here to earn so much positive attention, let alone gold or platinum! You guys are the best!
I also wanted to add something very important to my original post:
For the record, I am in no way saying that I find black men inferior or that I believe all black men will mistreat their partners and families. If you read this that way, I’d recommend reading it again. People are people. Some are terrible, many are not.
For examples of black men working against some nasty and unfair stereotypes, I don’t have to look any further than the men in my family or friend group to see examples of that everyday. They’re some of the kindest, most caring guys I know and treat their partners, families, and the world around them with the respect everyone deserves.
Had my husband been black (or Asian, or Hispanic, or Native, or anything other than European in ancestry) I’d still love him just as much and I’d have still chosen to marry him. It just so happens that this man I love, am most compatible with, and that I’m choosing to live my life with is white. And that shouldn’t be the focus, but sadly for too many people, it has been. What I’m trying to say is that we all deserve to be loved and respected equally. So let’s remember that.
This post is everything I’ve thought but haven’t found the words to say, thank you
Crazy how hard it is to find someone who shares your beliefs and values, is willing to grow with you through the ups and downs, and ultimately tries to better both of your lives and there are people whose reaction is "yea but...different color"
Just be happy. You shouldn't have to bear the burden of other peoples poor experiences.
Edit: thanks for the gold! Be happy people!
I think it’s about some weird sense of ownership
This right here. I think it's an equal mix of sexism and racism. It's about how (a lot of) men have a subconscious/primal view of relationships as the man "owning" the woman. When a man of race A dates (i.e "owns") a woman of race B , the men of race B see it as a territorial overstep by the man of race A . That's why it's usually men getting angry about this, and that's why it goes both ways - not just white men getting angry, but also men of other minorities. Although I have seen a few women with that same attitude, which leaves me stumped.
edit: Women have that exact sense of ownership as well, I should have considered that. My bad!
edit#2: The more I think about it, it's not about sexism at all, it's just like a response below said - tribalism.
White South African here. I was brought up to understand that interracial relationships and gay relationships was wrong, and against the will of God. It took me a long time to overcome my indoctrination but I think I've figured it out. If you find love that is real...embrace it. Do not judge a person by the color of his\her skin, but by his/her words, and his /her actions. Accept different cultures, but question their believes if it restricts your freedom. Don't rely on some elusive God to grant your wishes. Seek strength within yourself to overcome. This is our greatest gift, to be independent. Try to extend your love your idiot neighbours.
Hey thanks for taking the time to write this out. It's always really difficult navigating around internalized badness and trauma, but it's easier when we have a better idea what we're working with. I appreciate your words.
I'm a white Aussie and I think the first time I realised this was a thing, and not uncommon was when I saw Get Out. It's such a sad, twisted little quirk. Just baffles me people can be so hateful. The sad thing is, I suppose I can sorta see why some people might think along these lines. America has had such... horrible times in their history (sadly even now at times). Not that it's unique to the US. But I can see why some people might be uncomfortable with some things considering some shit that's happened. Not that it justifies anything. It's a sad thing all round.
You need to teach a class. I’m a 43 yr old white guy in the south who strives to live opposite of how so many around me were raised and I want to hear more from you on race.
The way you have worded all of this really makes you think about it . You really explained a difficult subject very simply and it makes a lot of sense which I’m sure you will still find people who will lash out when they don’t agree . Thank you for this post OP. I’m going to throw out there that I’m white and a couple of days ago I commented on a post which had this picture of this African child and the OP was stating that smoking during pregnancy made the child “darker” because of the tar in cigarettes . I couldn’t believe it and I genuinely thought the picture of the child had beautiful skin as I replied in the post. Someone replied saying something as childish as “ geez back off child rapist “ and for some reason I would bet this was another white person . I have no proof of this other than it’s just a gut feeling their a bitter angry person . Didn’t bother me I just thought it was funny but I still think about how much hate is in a person to react that way . Life is hard enough as it is we don’t need to drag each other down . Thanks again op for stirring some thought !
Or racist black people who think I’m acting like I think I’m “too good” for black men.
There are also black supremacists who think people like you are "whitening" your bloodline.
Those people don't even realize you guys chose eachother because you're in love. They think you're trying to make a statement or "claim" eachother. :( people suck
I'm gonna be that guy... Fixed: "I think their explanations for it come from a really dark and depressing place that reflects the history of race." Just period. Discrimination against and slavery of all races is prevalent not only in American history, but throughout the World.
Sad that people feel the need to go out of their way to make you feel bad for being a good and open person with who you share your life with.
Tribalism is a good way to describe it. Learning about the history of Africans prior to their exposure to white people has sometimes made me think that some things are more engrained than others.
I feel we've definitely made a lot of progress since those times, relatively speaking of course. Both prior to the exposure and certainly afterwards.
But this is the clear and crystal reasoning behind the words "Judged not by the color of their skin, but by the content or their character". Because as this person has stated, they've had to catch flack from both sides. The reasons might be slightly different, but the principle is the same.
It's racism. No matter how benign the form of it is.
Jealousy, racism and an 'us and them' mentality
Guys, I am a single Indian[32f] woman. And I feel like I missed out on my opportunity of ever getting married and having a family.
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Comment deleted by user · 9 yr. ago
Comment deleted by user · 9 yr. ago
Most pretentious writer of manly flairs
Comment deleted by user · 9 yr. ago
Comment deleted by user · 9 yr. ago
We don't know, but we'll answer anyway
I found this subreddit, I posted on others as well. I am hoping if you guys could give me incite on what I can do to find the right guy. If you can please include your race and age in your post. And please be honest with me on your opinions of dating an Indian woman.
My parents are first generation immigrants. I have a younger brother and younger sister. In my family I was always the rebellious one; I would often challenge my parents. My family was very strict, when it came to dating and my siblings usually fell in line. However, I would challenge that norm.
My brother and sister were very repressed with their sexualities as a result, while I lost my virginity at 17 to my then boyfriend. While my brother and followed the traditional Indian path. My brother ended up not having any sexual contact with a girl until he got married at 25 (arranged marriage) and now they have a child together. My sister (too never kissed a boy) has recently gotten married too at 24 with an Indian boy she met at our Temple (both parents approved).
I live in LA, a city where both men and woman tend to marry a bit later in life, and yet I still spent the last years of my 20‘s feeling that somehow, I’d messed up. I had followed the wrong trail and thus, my “important-life-moments” timeline was off. Even with my more progressive friends it began slowly at first, when I was 27 ... an engagement post on Facebook, an invite to a wedding—it was happening. People I knew were beginning the next stage of life and saying “I do.”
Throughout my whole life I never really dated any Indian guys; I exclusively dated white guys. However now I realize more than ever that the guys I dated never really took me seriously. They never really viewed me as someone they would eventually marry. I was always just some exotic fun. This part was definitely a realization that has hurt me to the core. I didn't actually do it to spite Indian men or anything like that. I did what a lot of my white female friends did; I thought I was the same as them, but that could be farther from the truth. Most white guys I ran into wanted white wives.
I am now 32, and seems like everyone in my family has lapped me. I too want a family a marriage. However, now my chance of finding someone is gone. At my age getting an arranged marriage or finding another Indian man to marry me is out of the question. Majority of Indian guys usually get married pretty early. Often either to another Indian girl they meet here, or they go back to India for an arranged marriage. My parents have tried signing me up for a matrimony site, but of the guys I’d meet they would be turned off by my history (drink/eat meat/not a virgin).
I don’t know what to do, every family function we have I feel like I am an outcast. Everyone is completely happy with their family. Being a single woman in her 30’s I am always met with suspicion. My brother and sister are also happy with their families and children and look down on me. Although, my parents have been supportive of me, it feels like they look at my brother and sister and are like, "this is what happens when you become whitewashed (embracing Western Culture) alone and unhappy."
I don’t know what to do, it seems like the dating pool dries up rather quickly. No guys really see me as anyone they want a future with. The few progressive Indian guys I met that I really felt like I had a future with ended up leaving me for a younger virgin bride from India. One of my exboyfriends (Indian) told me "You are great and all, but I can get a much better looking girl if I go to India, and one that will also cook for me."
If any of you guys. have any advice for me please share with me. I feel so alone right now. My friends are all married, my family looks at me as an outcast. I don't have any culture because I am not "actually white" and I am not Indian because I am "white washed."
I just wanted to make things clear I didn't "sleep around." Most of my relationships have been long term I have only been with 18 guys and I have been sexually active since I was 17 years old. When it comes to having a relationship I would like to marry an Indian guy, mainly because there are a lot of parts to my culture that I hold dear and don't want to give up. I love Indian food, love the prayers the ceremonies, the weddings, the closeness of family. But I don't think that's feasible.
25 year old Minnesotan white guy here. Some of my thoughts:
I exclusively dated white guys. However now I realize more than ever that the guys I dated never really took me seriously. They never really viewed me as someone they would eventually marry.
This says much more about you than them. If the men you date consistently behave the same way and with the same attitude, the uniting aspect is your mate selection. You need to examine the your habits in how you meet men and the men you chose to date.
I am now 32, and seems like everyone in my family has lapped me. I too want a family a marriage. However, now my chance of finding someone is gone. At my age getting an arranged marriage or finding another Indian man to marry me is out of the question.
Here's what I gather. Your obsession is not with falling in love, having a great long-term relationship, etc. You're looking at arranged marriage because you're obsessed with being married , and the social status that comes with that. You entire post is you being bemoaning that you don't have an "I do", nothing about the type of mate you want, the children you wish to have, the relationship you wish to build.
That would be the turn off for me. Marriage to me something that might happen during the coarse of a lifelong relationship, it isn't an end-goal in itself. You seem to see it as a goal line.
Marriage to me something that might happen during the coarse of a lifelong relationship, it isn't an end-goal in itself. You seem to see it as a goal line
As a progressive Indian guy, I'd say please reread this a few times.
I wouldn't give a squat about the sexual history that you have described. Unfortunately, you seem to fail as a progressive . Your values are money, fitness and "the wedding, the clothes, the ceremonies, the respect". Admittedly it isn't very smart to judge a person's character based on a few posts on the internet, but that is what would worry me. Everything you have posted reeks of neediness and agenda driven behavior, and any reasonably mature guy will see it in short order.
The first thing you need to quit talking down at conservative Indian guys. I can do that because I am consistently progressive (:)), while you seem to want to have your progressive cake and eat it too. In your twenties you were hip and happening, what with all your white boyfriends and whatnot, and that is great. But now you are a conservative , an exact counterpart of the Indian guys who still don't seem to have any respect for. You are now in the conservative Indian marriage market by your own choice . Nothing to do with parental pressures or anything you can use as an excuse.
If you post in TwoXChromosomes, you'll get a few you-go-girls and talk about how green the grass is on the white American side of the fence. It isn't for you, and you know it. Better you read the link to TheRedPill someone posted. Sure some of the guys are just assholes, but it might be good for your psyche. Not because what they are saying is right, but because it might provide an antidote to your mindset, which is just a mirror of it.
There are enough Indian guys who would overlook the virginity thing that you don't have to worry about dying alone. You just need a reality check about what you are bringing to the game you are choosing to play(i.e. conservative Indian marriage), and adjust your attitude accordingly.
I know I made mistakes. I am not acting like an innocent bystander. However, when it comes to getting married I want to have children and there is a time limit to that. After 35, there are a lot of birth risks and I'd realistically like to have more than two children.
First you should recognize that you lived your life the way you thought you wanted to at the time. You made a choice and if you live with regret you will never get passed it. Now you did make a choice so you have to live with the consequences. You can't have a traditional marriage because you rejected your traditions. Not only have you have limited your prospects you are also limiting yourself because you want marry an Indian guy to keep part of the tradition you rejected earlier. There's nothing wrong with limiting yourself like that but you can't complain when you look up and see not many people fit your bill. Honestly your best bet is to just find someone who makes you happy regardless of his background. Compromise on your tranditions. It's a lot easier to find someone like that than a person who fits your bill exactly.
I'm male black(from Jamaica living in America) and 21 years old.
I want to date a person not a skin color
27 year old Indian guy, born and raised in the US. So Ive read all the stuff you posted and Ill give my honest opinion, but I wont sugar coat it.
First, I want to say Ive seen family friends and relatives be in your position and it seems like youre making this into a much dire situation then it needs to be. Im not talking about girls who are 28 or younger, I mean girls right around your age. Try not to stress out about this isue.
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