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Savage Love
Jun 13, 2019 at 4:20 pm
She's Been Blowing Her Husband for 25 Years But Something's Suddenly Off...
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I really like giving him head because it's really his favorite and I can get creative and make him practically scream. But this taste thing means he only gets it maybe once a month because it's truly a labor of love. We have tried putting flavoring on (chocolate, etc), and that helps somewhat, but it's not always practical to have that stuff on hand. Is there something he can eat/take that will improve the flavor? Or any tips/tricks for not gagging? It really is the flavor and not how deep in my mouth—I used to go deeper than I do now, exactly for this reason.
Men tend to produce less ejaculate as they age, ANB, and ejaculate isn't produced in the balls. Sperm cells, which are produced in the balls, only account for a tiny percentage of a man's total ejaculate—and sperm isn't a sweetener, ANB, so removing sperm from the mix (by getting a vasectomy) won't impact taste much.
So what's in his jizz then? Take it away, Encyclopedia Britannica ...
In the sexually mature human male, sperm cells are produced by the testes (singular, testis); they constitute only about 2 to 5 percent of the total semen volume. As sperm travel through the male reproductive tract, they are bathed in fluids produced and secreted by the various tubules and glands of the reproductive system. After emerging from the testes, sperm are stored in the epididymis, in which secretions of potassium, sodium, and glycerylphosphorylcholine (an energy source for sperm) are contributed to the sperm cells. Sperm mature in the epididymis. They then pass through a long tube, called the ductus deferens, or vas deferens, to another storage area, the ampulla. The ampulla secretes a yellowish fluid, ergothioneine, a substance that reduces (removes oxygen from) chemical compounds, and the ampulla also secretes fructose, a sugar that nourishes the sperm. During the process of ejaculation, liquids from the prostate gland and seminal vesicles are added, which help dilute the concentration of sperm and provide a suitable environment for them. Fluids contributed by the seminal vesicles are approximately 60 percent of the total semen volume; these fluids contain fructose, amino acids, citric acid, phosphorus, potassium, and hormones known as prostaglandins. The prostate gland contributes about 30 percent of the seminal fluid; the constituents of its secretions are mainly citric acid, acid phosphatase, calcium, sodium, zinc, potassium, protein-splitting enzymes, and fibrolysin (an enzyme that reduces blood and tissue fibres). A small amount of fluid is secreted by the bulbourethral and urethral glands; this is a thick, clear, lubricating protein commonly known as mucus.
Anyway, ANB, the older a man gets, the less of all of that—the less fructose (a sweetener!), amino acids, citric acid, phosphorus, potassium, sodium, glycerylphosphorylcholine, and that "thick, clear, lubricating protein commonly known as mucus," etc.—he produces. Consequently, your husband's ejaculate is more concentrated these days than it was when you first started blowing him 25 years ago, ANB, something that could impact taste and " mouthfeel ," as they say in junk food R&D.
So what can you do? Well, you don't have to keep swallowing. As I've said long said ....
Swallowing is extra credit. It's not a course requirement. I say this as someone who gives and receives blowjobs: If someone sucks your dick until you come, you got your damn blowjob. What a blower does with the blowee's come after the blowjob is over—spit, swallow, spread it on toast—is the blower's call to make.
If given a choice between fewer blowjobs with swallowing or more blowjobs without swallowing, ANB, I imagine your husband would opt for the latter. (Protip: blow him until he's just about to come—when he's just past the point of orgasmic inevitability—then pull out as he starts to come and keep a spitty/wet hand working his shaft and head until he's drained.)
And while it's a myth that eating pineapple or chugging two cans of sweetened condensed milk can improve the flavor of a man's ejaculate, it's a fact that our bodily fluids are impacted by our diets. If your husband has a shitty diet—if he doesn't do fresh fruit or drink much water, if all he eats is junk food and all he drinks is booze and/or coffee—the effect on his ejaculate would become more pronounced over time. Getting him to eat better and drink water—not sweetened condensed milk—won't turn his come into vanilla pudding, ANB, but it could make it easier to swallow.
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Each Monday, I publish something called the Breaking Bad Power Rankings . It’s pretty self-explanatory: I rank the show’s characters, from Walt to Skyler to This Guy , by how badass they are. Today, I’m tweaking the formula for an entirely different story , one involving a blowjob at an Eminem concert. Here is: the Humanity Power Rankings.
In last place…oh. THERE’S A TIE. Let’s meet everyone, shall we?
This is one of two pictures of Guy and Girl (names intentionally removed) circulating on the Internet. I can’t show the bottom of it, but it’s still the more SFW photo of the two. ( You can find them here. ) They attended an Eminem concert at Slane Castle in Ireland over the weekend, and while there, they engaged in “public fun.” Or as the Irish would say, she leafed his clover. In front of everyone. At an Eminem concert. That’s important to repeat.
Anyway, Girl’s only 17, the age of legal consent in Ireland, but not in the United States, where the photo has gone massively viral. Looking for a good (read: actually terrible) time? Then search the hashtag “#slanegirl” on Twitter. She’s being called a no-good slut, while he’s “THE MAN,” which brings us to our next contestant.
And Pretty Much Everyone Else Involved
A typical tweet about the incident goes like, “Slane Girl getting sympathy in the papers…What for being a slut?” while “defenders,” so to speak, are replying with, “Nice bit of massive slut-shaming, Twitter. Those using #slanegirl hashtag to bully a young woman should be f*cking embarrassed.” Oh yeah, and now she’s in the hospital.
The pictures went viral after being posted on social networking sites, causing them to even trend around the world on Twitter. But it has since emerged that the girl is understood to be just 17 and, according to reports, she has been so distressed by the online images that she has had to be sedated in hospital. Her family are also said to be distraught. ( Via )
So. What did we learn here? Well: be you guy, girl, or whatever, DON’T DO THIS KIND OF SH*T IN PUBLIC. Guy isn’t a legend and Girl isn’t slut, but I do think they have something in common: they’re both idiots.
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