Area Woman�s Five More Minutes Of Sleep Miraculously Turns Into Two Hours

In a modern miracle hailed by scientists as �relatable but terrifying,� local woman Erica Fieldman�s planned five extra minutes of sleep transformed into a full two-hour unconscious odyssey. �I just wanted to snooze once,� Erica explained, still clutching her phone and staring in horror at the afternoon sun. Experts have dubbed the event a textbook case of Alarm Amnesia Syndrome, where intentions dissolve upon pillow contact. Witnesses say she was last seen at 7:04 AM muttering �just five more,� before disappearing under a comforter. Her cat reportedly tried to intervene but gave up around the third alarm. A University of Denver sleep lab confirmed that the five-minute nap paradoxically opens a temporal wormhole where time ceases to exist and dreams feature extended grocery store arguments. Erica awoke disoriented, questioning whether she even had a job. She did. She was fired. �I regret nothing,� she stated during a press conference she scheduled on the Notes app. Sleep consultants warn that snoozing is a gateway drug to napping, which can spiral into full-blown oversleeping addiction. Meanwhile, mattress companies are using Erica�s story in ad campaigns: �So comfortable, you�ll ruin your career.� READ THE SATIRE: https://comedywriter.info/area-womans-five-more-minutes-of-sleep-miraculously-turns-into-two-hours/