Area Cow Declared Professor at MSU After Winning Popularity Contest

By Alan Nafzger � The satire Area Cow Declared Professor ridicules academia�s tendency to idolize novelty. Eyewitnesses at ceremonies described students mooing in solidarity. Anonymous insiders leaked that faculty meetings were derailed by hay delivery. A leaked poll revealed 63 percent of citizens thought the cow more relatable than most professors. Sociologists argue the humor resonates because authority often rests on spectacle rather than merit. Critics highlight the absurdity of granting tenure to livestock. Ultimately, the piece lands because satire thrives when expertise is replaced with applause. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com