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Posted 16 Mar 2022 16 Mar 2022 Wed 16 Mar 2022 at 5:16am
Posted 16 Mar 2022 16 Mar 2022 Wed 16 Mar 2022 at 5:16am
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A finger in the bum can make you cum, a finger in the bum is so much fun.
If you've clicked on this article you're either curious about anal fingering, a fan of butt play or a huge Dr. Seuss fan, and in that case I'm sorry.
Let's be real, over the past few years, ass play has become a pretty popular item on the menu. But if you're not keen on doing anal, or eating someone out - using a finger can be a great way to ease into it.
Also for guys or people with prostates it can apparently be one of the best orgasms of your life, all thanks to a lil' nugget of gold called the prostate aka p-spot.
Who knew digging for treasure could open a world of pleasure?
You know we love an investigation here at The Hook Up so, we asked you on our Instagram if you liked a finger in the bum during sex, and 46% of you said you loved it. We also asked cis straight men specifically if they were into it and over half of you said yes. BUT nearly 60% of you said you were too embarrassed to ask for it.
Here's what some of you dm'd us saying:
Whether someone asked you to do it, or you're keen to have someone do it to you, here's everything you need to know about anal fingering.
Most people who dm'd us saying they used their fingers to dabble in a bit of ass play, gave glowing reviews. Some even went as far to say "best orgasm of my life." So why does it feel so good? According to Men's Sex Coach Cam Fraser, it's because we have a whole bunch of nerve endings in and around that area.
"This might be a little cringey to hear, but it's the kind of the same reason why when you need to do a poo and you do a poo, it feels relatively good.
Because the receptors in there respond to pressure and temperature and friction and stretching as well. So we get a whole bunch of different types of sensation of different types of pleasure from anal play."
Cam reckons one of the other reasons why people really like butt play during sex is because it can feel a bit naughty .
"The taboo of having something penetrate you in your anus is quite psychologically stimulating and psychologically pleasurable as well."
For guys or people with prostates, using a finger for ass play can apparently lead to a whole body orgasm - because of the way you're stimulating the prostate.
If you have no idea what a prostate is, or you've only heard it referenced with cancer and not pleasure, GP Dr Michael Mrozinski (aka Dr_Michael_Says on TikTok) says it's a gland the size of a ping pong ball which sits right underneath a man's bladder.
"The function of the prostate is to produce some fluid to help give sperm the energy to go all the way into the final destination. But it also needs to contract to be able to propel the sperm all the way up."
"It's really an important part in sexual function because without that contraction of the muscle then the sperm wouldn't get anywhere near where it's needed."
And Cam says when you stimulate the prostate, you can have an orgasm separate from what you would have through penis ejaculation.
"The beauty of a prostate orgasm is that it doesn't involve an ejaculation because of the way the nervous system is wired."
"And you won't enter into a refractory period after ejaculation which is that period of time after you've cum that you kind of feel satiated and you can't get an erection and you don't really feel aroused and he can't come again."
So what does it feel like? Zac from Naarm, Melbourne says it feels amazing...
"I think it's definitely more intense. Like a full body experience, rather than an isolated orgasm experience [through the penis]."
"It can be pretty overwhelming, the first couple of times when you're just like not really sure what's going on and it's just so full on. But yeah, really incredible."
We do a lot and say a lot of stuff during sex you'd probably never do or say outside the bedroom. And sticking your fingers into a place where shit comes out is one of them. Cam reckons this is one of the reasons why people might feel embarrassed about it.
"Some people are worried it might be a little bit gross and you might get some poop on their finger, or it might just be a little bit awkward."
(And there's definitely ways to stop that from happening - we'll get into that soon).
"Another reason why people might be embarrassed is because they're worried that it's going to hurt them that there's gonna be some pain and some discomfort."
For cis het men there's also the ~ no homo vibe ~ internalised homophobia.
"So there's this fear of 'what will my partner think about me?' 'What does this mean about my own sexuality?' "
"But I can tell you this right now, the sex act that you do doesn't determine your orientation."
And then there's the classic universal fear that comes with sex in general: asking for what you want.
"We can think, 'is it selfish for me to ask this for my partner to stimulate me in this way?' 'Is it selfish to kind of put my pleasure first?' "
Cam recommends a silicone based lube "because it is thicker, and it won't dry out like a water based lube so you won't have to keep reapplying it, it'll last longer."
If you don't want to have a shitty experience, make sure you're clean down there.
"If you're trying to mitigate poo, you're going to want to make sure you're having a shower and cleaning beforehand."
"If you're worried about hygiene, you can unroll a condom and put it on your finger or pop it on a toy. And trim your nails as well."
If you've never done it before, Cam recommends a great place to start is on yourself.
"You can start exploring your glutes and your butt cheeks and maybe just the the rim of the anus before even doing any penetration. So just start to familiarise yourself with how that feels physically in your body as well."
Like Cam said before, people find it really hard to ask for what they want when it comes to sex, so if you don't know how to bring it up with a partner, Cam recomends talking about it outside of the bedroom first.
"Go for a walk, grab a cup of coffee and have a conversation with each other in like a non-sexual environment or in a non-intimidating environment."
It normalises conversations about sex, in a less vulnerable setting. But if you still find it hard to talk about you can even send them this article and just go 'thoughts?'
Remember consent is the most important thing, you can't just stick your finger in someone's ass during sex without asking first. And for the person either giving or receiving, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You can say no!
But if you're both big yes's here's how to get into it. Firstly Cam says for this to feel good you have to be completely relaxed, so start off slow.
"So really slowing the breathing down. Making sure that if you're the receptive partner you're in a comfortable position, like a really easy position for being penetrated, is lying on your side."
"The next thing is start small, you don't have to go straight to sticking your whole fist in there or doing something really massive. You can start with just playing around with the rim and communicating with your partner as you're doing this."
"Listening to their verbal feedback and also listening to their body as well as the person who's receiving relaxes, you'll notice the sphincter will open a little bit more."
Also don't feel like that's the only thing you have to be doing.
"It can be helpful if this is their first time to incorporate genital stimulation, so stimulating their penis or vulva with either your other hand or with your mouth or with a toy."
If you're with someone who has a prostate, and have no idea what you're looking for - Cam says it's about an inch and a half in - towards the belly button.
"You can try just gently stroking it with one finger in that very classic come hither motion, you can try circling with your fingers drawing little circles around it.
And then you can also try gently pressing the prostate and holding your finger down, and then like vibrating your finger back and forth, kind of like shaking it like a little vibrator."
Also just ask your partner what feels good for them.
Let's be honest, we've got long af sex lives to live, so why not spice things up a little and try something new.
And if you've been holding back on a lil' finger up the ass, because you think it's 'gay' and gross, well Hook Up listener Cameron has a message for you:
I seriously think people who don't try it for the sake of it are missing out. You might not like it but how do you know for sure?
For all things sex and relationships subscribe to The Hook Up podcast . Listen on the triple j app or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Gwyneth Paltrow has imparted her unsolicited advice on many things – from vagina steaming to ex-purging bra-burning – and now she's decided to tell us what she's learned about anal sex.
In the Sex Issue of Goop , Paltrow's lifestyle site, readers are told that if "anal turns you on, you are definitely not alone".
"First it was shocking, then it was having a cultural moment, now it's practically standard in the modern bedroom repertoire – or so a quick scan of any media, from porn to HBO, will tell you,' says Goop. "But the reality about anal is not, actually, that everyone's doing it."
The piece points out that while "somewhere near half" of homosexual men practise anal sex, the number of heterosexual men and women who've tried it "vacillates between 30 and 40 percent".
The piece then offers question-and-answer-based advice from the research psychoanalyst and author Paul Joannides , who has published a book on sexuality called The Guide To Getting It On!
He goes on to explain the health risks of anal sex, how to modify the anal sex seen in porn, how to make sure your anal experience is a positive one and what should we be telling our children about anal intercourse.
So there we have the completely unprompted Gwyneth Paltrow guide to anal sex. You're welcome.
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