Animated Atrocities #51: "Fresh Heir" [Family Guy]

Animated Atrocities #51: "Fresh Heir" [Family Guy]

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Animated Atrocities , formerly known as Infamous Animation , is one of Mr. Enter 's signature series revolving around /reviews of bad cartoon episodes, whether they are examples of bad shows, bad episodes of good shows, failed pilots, bad animated films, or episodes of shows that have begun suffering from Seasonal Rot, such as Family Guy , SpongeBob SquarePants , or The Fairly OddParents . It premiered on July 6, 2013 with a review of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode " The Splinter ."

He organizes his Atrocity reviews into 30-episode "seasons." For a time, every sixth episode was an installment of My Little Pony G3 , with the exception of his season finales, which are always television specials.

Midway through Season 3, he decided to stop the G3 reviews, feeling that they were becoming redundant, and added Teen Titans Go! to the list of shows which will be featured on a recurring basis. [1]

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Animated Atrocities #51: "Fresh Heir" [Family Guy]
Animated Atrocities #51: "Fresh Heir" [Family Guy]
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if i didnt have cancer before i sure do now
So much salt. If you dont like it, just don't watch it lol.

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Congratulations, Family Guy ; you're the new Allen Gregory ! I've only tangled with this show twice before. Once where it said that abused victims should stay in abusive relationships for their abusers' benefit , and once where it took you through the death of your own dog to ignite sympathy for a character who has long since lost any he had left . Yeah, there's a reason I don't talk about this show very much. "Life of Brian" was so insulting that I said I'd stop reviewing Family Guy episodes; something that no show has sunk to. What was their response? To make an episode worse than "Seahorse Seashell Party," because yeah, Fresh Heir belongs in Allen Gregory! Only the makers of Allen Gregory would find this shit funny. But look on the bright side, that means I get to review all the horribly shitty lessons and beliefs this show has spewed. Yes, say hello to your new regular customer, alongside SpongeBob and G3 MLP . So let's see what made this episode so bad that I felt the need to return to this miserable excuse of a show.

It starts with a joke that goes nowhere when Chris comes in and wants to spend time with his father. Then, we already have an unfunny cutaway that's a failure of a joke. We just started and they've already given up trying to write a decent plot. Also, this random nonsense is going to be the highlight of our humor tonight. Oh yeah, and I just want to state for the record that that guy [Cherry Chevapravatdumrong] has one of the best names I've ever seen! How do you get a name that absurdly awesome?

Chris : You promised we'd go fishing. Peter : Aw, Chris, I was just lying to you so you'd go away.

Ah, yes. We need to restate that Peter Griffin is an asshole because that's obviously not his overall character trait.

Brian : Peter, you know it might help Chris to be...

HOLY SHIT, A GHOST! LALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD! This leads to another cutaway with nothing of substance happening. EITHER BE FUNNY OR GET TO THE PLOT! Lois's father, Carter, has apparently broken his leg, and his wife can't take care of him because...

Lois : Mom can't take care of him; she's out of town doing a photo shoot for the cover of Veins Magazine.

You know what? I'd complain, but that's the least gross thing we're going to be dealing with. That reminds me of another Atrocity that I reviewed: "One Night in Gottlieb!" I'm not going to lie: this is going to be a really tough one to get through.

(Caption: See the bone jutting out of Carter's knee?) Lois : I've got to go get my hair very minutely changed and then spend the next 14 hours trying to get people to notice.

All right, I know this is Family Guy 's thing, but can we please keep our cutaways to less than one per minute? Writers, I know it squicked you out to hell and back to write this miserable excuse for a plot, as it would do to any sane person, but please try to stay focused!

Peter : Good idea. I better check on my hairless twin in the storm shed.

Or just keep doing that. It's another joke that confuses disturbing with funny. So Lois manipulates Chris into taking care of Carter. I know it's supposed to look sweet, but we seem to forget: Lois is a bitch!

Lois : You're not gonna kill yourself, are you? That would be a severe black mark on my record as a mom.

Said the woman who gave her daughter drugs and wanted things to take their course! We cut to the Carter mansion where...

Carter : The worst part about it is I can't have sex! God, I wish there was a way I could just do it myself. You know, just just to be done and napping within four minutes!> (beat) Chris : Let me show you something.

Yeah, Chris teaches Carter, his elderly grandfather, how to masturbate! And you know what? That's not even the worst part!

Carter : You can do that like, once a year or something? Chris : No. You can do it basically whenever you're not doing something else! Carter : Cool! Hey, next time I want to try it with my hand.

Yes, they are stating that Chris just gave his grandfather a handjob. And I thought Patrick eating the diaper was bad . Excuse me for a moment...

(Blue screen of death) WHAT THE HOLY HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! Next, they mess with some pizza guys, where Carter decides that he likes hanging out with Chris. Then they have a band in a joke that doesn't go anywhere. Ha-ha-ha, he's an old man acting like a teenager; I haven't seen that anywhere! When Carter's leg heals, he tries to pay Chris to compensate him for his efforts. Of course, since Chris liked to spend time with his grandfather, he doesn't accept the money. Well, that's the cover story, at least. Guess they didn't want to insinuate prostitution on top of the incest.

Chris : Hey Grandpa, check it out! When I make my elbow like this, it looks like women's private parts!

(Caption: Accurate depiction of the writers during the production of "Fresh Heir") (Chris and Carter laugh as they use Chris' elbows and Carter's finger to simulate two people having sex) Carter : We're not supposed to be doin' this. I bet we're not supposed to be doin' this.

However, Carter changes his will and leaves Chris as the sole heir to his fortune.

Peter : Oh no, my hairless twin got out!

Once again, they're confusing disturbing with funny. But when you make a mistake twenty times in one episode, it's hard to make it a twenty-first--

Lois : What about Mom? Carter : I promise she'll be dead before I am. I promise.

Brian : Look Carter, I suppose you're...

Maybe I'll review " Christmas Guy , maybe I won't. Seth Macfarlane may have brought Brian back, but he's still dead to me. Now, halfway through this episode, we get to the unsettling part. Yes, they make one of the most reprehensible plots ever imagined, and it takes halfway through the episode to actually get to it.

Peter : I'm talking about brown nosin' Chris and gettin' on his good side perk

"Brown nose" is a synonym for ass kissing, and this episode is going to give that statement a whole new meaning. But first, a pointless cutaway.

Lois : Peter, are those testicles?! Where did you get those?! Peter : I don't remember!

(Caption: Context? What context could possibly make this funny? 40 bonus points.) I'm gonna say it. I-I'm gonna say it: Not even "1 Night in Gottlieb" had this many disturbing jokes shoehorned in. And at least when they did, they were relevant to the plot! The next day, Peter dresses up like Chris, in a pitiful attempt to suck up to him.

Peter : Hey Chris, how about you and me do a secret handshake that has way too many steps to remember? All right, shake, bump, bump, pinky hook, pretend to slick your hair back, represent...

Remember the dad noises in "Seahorse Seashell Party?" Yeah, well old habits die hard.

Peter : Remember that kid you said was bullying you at school? Well, here's his head. Chris : (screams) That's not even him! That's the deaf kid!!

You know, maybe if there were only one or two jokes like this, it would be shocking. But after the 50TH TIME, it gets kinda depressing. They're clearly doing this in some kind of desperate plea to get a reaction. Because they no longer have the talent, or even the interest at this point, to get their audience to laugh, or feel anything but disgust.

We get a scene that tells us nothing we don't already know and then--

Meg : Chris, our bath is ready. Peter : I--

(Caption: Accurate depiction of the writers during the production of "Fresh Heir") (Chris and Carter laugh as they use Chris' elbows and Carter's finger to simulate two people having sex) Carter : We're not supposed to be doin' this. I bet we're not supposed to be doin' this.

This is what happens to your mind when you stay in abusive relationships, or work on a sub-par comedy for several years: it fucks you up. Some offhand talk gives Peter a stupid, stupid idea.

Peter : Chris, there comes a time when every man looks at his son and thinks "I want to take this to the next level." (gets down on one knee and opens a ring) Chris Griffin, will you marry me?

Yes, they really are that stupid! No, they aren't expecting you to find this funny; they're expecting you to take this seriously! You know, after all the disturbing shit they've shoveled in our face.

Chris : What? Is it even legal for a man to marry his son? Peter : It is in Vermont. As long as it's a man and a man, anything goes up there; they're a bunch of liberal degenerates.

And these stupid jokes might be why it's taking so long to legalize gay marriage. Do you know the really stupid thing? It's not the fact that Peter wants to marry his son, it's the fact that Chris knows he's doing it for the money, and is only doing it to spend time with Peter, and THE EPISODE THINKS THIS IS OKAY! Look, trust me: if someone is that shallow, you don't want to spend time with them, parent or not.

(Caption: By the way, this is never resolved. Peter & Lois are still divorced at the end of the episode) Peter gets Lois to sign some divorce papers and the two of them are off to Vermont. Yes, the writers are chuckling to themselves like middle school dropouts. Considering you'd have to have that kind of sense of humor to find this shit funny!

Kevin : No, Dad. Joe : I don't know what normal is anymore.

They call this trope "Crossing the Line Twice," trying to be so fucked up that you don't have any choice but to find it funny. And, uh, I can't believe they actually did that kind of way. But it doesn't work when they've been doing stuff like this for years. And once again, doesn't look anything more than desperate.

Peter : So now you know my complete sexual history, Chris. Chris : Wow.

WHO-WHO WAS THIS WRITTEN FOR?! You know what? It probably is trying to appeal to the Allen Gregory audience.

(Peter stares at the backside of a young man as he walks into the distance) Peter : Holy wack-a-zoli!

Peter : Excellent. Do you have a table for the couple that barely made it through the weekend without breaking up? Waiter : Absolutely. Can I put them near the couple that hooked up drunk and now have to make awkward small talk-

(Caption: Ha ha, it's so relatable - to no one!) Yeah, you know an unfunny joke: If you keep going on and going on with it, IT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY MORE FUNNY, IT MAKES IT TEDIOUS! And it's just hammering in the point that Peter is trying to marry his son. And we get a few more jokes like that.

Peter : I went with the most romantic song ever: "Stars and Stripes Forever" by John Phillip Sousa. Can you feel the soldiers, Chris? So many have fallen and this is why they were fighting: for a man to marry his son in a state with enough trees around that nobody can see what's goin' on!

(Caption: Oh wait until our armed forces hear of this one.) Finally we get to the wedding and another disturbing joke.

Peter : Chris, to express my love, I turned to the words of the only poet that blue-collar New England scumbags like me know: Robert Frost. Two roads diverged in a wood and I? I took the one less traveled. Now, I ain't no scholar, but if that's not a metaphor for major league butt stuff, I don't know what is.

Lois : Several people have called the police about a man marrying his son. It's not normal!

Is that supposed to be a metaphor for something? "Not normal?" Really? We all know that they could've worded that vastly better. It-it barely takes any thought; I have-I have to assume that the writers did that on purpose.

Lois : He can't make you do this! Chris : But mom, I wanna do this.

Oh look, it's time for the sappy part! Time for that crappy dramatic zoom because that's the effect that takes no effort whatsoever. I can do zooms too! And I use Windows Movie Maker! It doesn't make things any more intense, it just makes you look lazy!

(Caption: Concept of the show really) Lois :
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Animated Atrocities #51: "Fresh Heir" [Family Guy]

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