Anal Sex Tips

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Anal Sex Tips
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Back in the day, “butt stuff” may have been something only ever seen in porn or talked about by fraternity brothers. But now that anal sex has lost some of the stigma, the butt is finally getting the attention it deserves.
And while you might think anal play simply means sticking things up your butt (which, yes, is part of it), anal foreplay is just as important for ensuring a safe and pleasurable experience for all parties.
For starters, anal foreplay can happen by rimming your partner or giving/receiving an anal massage with a toy , finger, dildo , or penis. But keep in mind anal foreplay can absolutely be the main event—meaning nothing (not even penetration) has to come after it.
“Anal sex [of any kind] isn’t just for people interested in kink , but it’s great for all genders who want to ‘explore their sexual interest and desires,’” says erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven Taylor Sparks .
But just like you’ve gotta walk before you can run, it’s a good idea to do a lil research and prep work before diving into anal play. Not only will this help keep you safe, but it’ll ensure you have the best possible booty sexperience.
So, whether you’re just looking to change things up or just want to take your time with backdoor foreplay before you do dive into penetrative anal sex, here are 39 expert-recommended anal sex and foreplay tips for both first-timers and experienced butt explorers.
First and foremost, anal sex shouldn’t hurt. If it does, stop. Please. Sure, the sensation might feel a bit foreign, and you might be a little sore after, but pain isn’t supposed to be part of it. It should basically just feel like you might need to poop during the action. Lawrence Johnson, CEO and cofounder of the leading gay men’s lifestyle brand Pure for Men , says preparation and communication are essential to making it pleasurable and enjoyable. Above all, you need to “relax your muscles and breathe,” advises sexologist Emily Morse .
Anal sex isn’t inherently dirtier than other types of sex. In fact, Johnson says with a little preparation, you can expect “the most pleasurable, clean, and worry-free experience ever.” This is because, as clinical sexologist Kat Van Kirk explains, the anus and the lower part of the rectum actually have very little fecal material in them, which means it tends to not be nearly as dirty as you think. More details on how to ”prep” below.
The reason: “You can absolutely transmit STDs and STIs during anal sex,” Johnson explains. This is because not only is there skin-to-skin contact and exchange of fluids, but the lining of the anus can be damaged due to friction, making it susceptible to infection. That’s why you should always use condoms—not only with anal sex but with any type of intimacy where genital fluids are exchanged.
Another good reason to wear a condom? You actually can get pregnant from anal sex if you’re not careful with your cleanup. Depending on where (or if) your partner ejaculates, semen could leak down/out of your anus and get inside your vagina, resulting in a pregnancy . Now this is rare, but the hottest sex is the one you can feel safe about, so do what you can to eliminate unwanted reproductions like STIs and infants.
Going into anal sex, your first thought might be to give yourself an enema, and while clinical sexologist Nancy Sutton Pierce says anal douching is safe every once in a while, it’s a good practice to steer clear. “Douching destroys your rectal microbiome, so regular use is not recommended,” explains Fabian Prado, CMO and cofounder of Pure for Men . Prado also adds that anal douching may lead to higher rates of STD transmission , which is why skipping the enema and opting for a condom is the smart move. If you still want to clean up, some warm water splashed on your anus will give you a quick cleanse.
If you are skipping the enema but still want to feel as clean as possible, both Prado and Johnson recommend eating a high-fiber diet. “Fiber for staying ready is one of the best-kept secrets of the bottom community,” Johnson says. “Aside from its many other key health benefits, dietary fiber literally keeps your sh*t together and moves it out of your system with regularity.”
Having plenty of fiber—found in foods like berries, broccoli, and beans—will keep everything clean and regular. You can also opt for a fiber supplement like Pure for Her to ensure both your anal sex and your sheets stay clean.
While there’s no need to stress about fecal matter during anal sex—not only because these tips help eliminate that but also because you should have a trusting partner who supports you despite any poo—you might feel comfier going number two prior to doing the deed. Just make sure to clean well afterward and wash with soap if there’s going to be any mouth-to-anus action.
And speaking of pooping, Johnson and Prado say you can expect a lil soreness the first time you go after anal, but it shouldn’t hurt. “If you experience severe pain or digestive irregularities following anal sex, it’s recommended you seek medical advice and consult with your doctor,” Johnson advises.
Since the anus doesn’t self-lubricate like the vagina, using lube is vital for pleasurable (and safer!) sex. And while you might be tempted to grab some numbing lube that’s typically marketed for anal sex, Sparks highly advises avoiding those products. “Never, ever using a lubricant that numbs the anal sphincter,” she says. “This is the one place that you want to know what is painful so that you can stop whatever action you are taking, and not wait for the numbing lubricant/cream to wear off and realize there has been damage.”
Regardless of whether there’s any penetration going on, anything with anal requires lots of trust and relaxation, safety, and comfort, says sex and relationships expert Tia Evagelou . If you start down the anal path tense, you’re going to have a bad—or at least not as good—time. Take a few moments to relax and get in the right headspace. And if you find the idea is too stressful or uncomfy, you can absolutely say no to anal play at any point in time.
A series of safe words can include:
“Sometimes people try to [have sex] through [anal sex], instead of speaking up, because they don’t want to ruin the moment for the other partner or they don’t know how to formulate their needs and sometimes even override their body’s resistance, potentially adding more discomfort to the experience,” says Evagelou. Having preset safe words will make you and your partner feel supported and safer to explore.
“This can’t be emphasized enough,” says Evagelou. “When we are tense, contracting [our muscles], or disconnected from our experience, we are blocking our pathways to pleasure,” she adds. If you relax and breathe, you’ll likely be able to feel a more pleasurable sensation.
“Let them know what you are doing and ask for their permission to do so,” says Evagelou. This means both *before* you do something and *as* you’re doing it. It might take a bit longer, but it’s well worth it as it establishes trust, safety, and connection for both to have an enjoyable experience. Plus, active consent is sexy, so ask away!
While you might think the receiver takes a more passive role, have them guide the penetration to their satisfaction. This can feel empowering as they get to control the speed, depth, and angle of penetration in allowing their body to feel good, says Evagelou.
Vanessa Geffrard, MPH, a sexpert for Lovers , recommends silicone-based lube—like UberLube —as it lasts longer compared to water-based lubes. Plus, you’ll need less of it. Just keep in mind that not all silicone lubes are safe with silicone toys (some are and some aren’t, so there’s no flat rule for this unfortch). Your best bet is to Google the toy you’re working with to see if it’s silicone before squirting some lube on.
If trying anal foreplay with a partner is like your Olympics, it makes sense that you might want to try it beforehand in a lower-stakes environment. Geffrard recommends the Fun Factory Limba M Dildo as the smooth, bendable nature of the toy allows for easy angle changes to find what’s comfiest for you, and there’s a suction cup on the bottom allowing you to “practice” anywhere with a flat surface, like your bedroom or the shower.
Of course, having your period shouldn’t make you miss out on sex, but if you’re squeamish about having vaginal period sex, anal might be a good substitute in those times. “Many women report feeling more pleasure practicing anal sex during their periods while wearing a menstrual cup inside their vaginas,” says Mia Sabat, a sex therapist at Emjoy . The menstrual cup is thought to stimulate the internal walls of their vagina, which can be an added plus to the sensation of anal sex.
Foreplay is so important because you have to “ring the doorbell” before entering, explains Isharna Walsh, founder/creator of Coral , a sexual wellness app. “Massage and warm up the anus before entering anything inside,” she says. Be a good guest (even if it’s your own booty hole), and don’t just breakdown the door.
Some people who use toys learn to have a small handkerchief close by, so they can rest their toy on a “safe” spot when they aren’t using it, explains Angela Watson of DoctorClimax.com . Having little details like this worked out ahead of time can give you more freedom to enjoy the experience and not stress about little things.
It’s worth it to take 15 to 20 minutes to give the receiving partner a sacral massage (aka the portion of the lower back just above the butt crack), says Walsh. “The muscles and nerve endings in the sacrum extend to the whole pelvic girdle and can help release tension,” she adds. Plus, massages always feel good and anything relaxing is a bonus always.
“Having your back door be a part of sexual play does not mean you need to have anal sex ,” says Gigi Engle , sexpert for Womanizer. While internal stimulation can be great too, “you can achieve just as much pleasure without ever putting anything into the anus,” explains Engle. “Massage or lick around the anus,” she adds, as it’s full of nerve endings that can provide pleasure in and of itself.
“Having clitoral stimulation is super important during anal play because it helps a vulva-owner to relax and become fully aroused—both critical steps in enjoying butt stuff,” says Engle. Try a traditional vibrator or go for a suction toy like the Womanizer Liberty , both recommended by Engle.
Suction toys simulate oral sex , so while your partner might only be able to give you oral attention to one spot at a time, with a suction toy you can feel like they’re going down on your clit while they rim you.
Warming lube can help heighten pleasure and make you even more comfortable in the moment. “The heat that is created actually helps to bring blood flow to the area and help increase stimulation to the pleasure receptors in the rectum/anus,” explains Niket Sonpal, MD , of Brookdale Hospital Medical Center. The active ingredient in these heated lubricants is propylene glycol, says Dr. Sonpal, which is the same substance used in Fireball Whiskey. Some other brands use capsaicin, aka the active ingredient found in peppers.
In either case, heated lubricants should be fine for both anal and vaginal use (not in the same sex session, just like, you don’t need to buy a separate, dedicated warming lube for your butt ONLY). Just be careful when touching your eyes, Dr. Sonpal warns! K-Y makes a warming lubricant that’s readily available that Dr. Sonpal recommends or try Sliquid Organics' warming formula.
There are a bunch of lil muscles around your anus that can be pretty tight if you’re not relaxed. And as logic follows, if those muscles and your anal sphincter are tight, inserting anything can be painful and difficult rather than pleasurable and easy. Try something like deep breathing or a relaxing massage with your partner to make sure both you and your bum muscles are sufficiently chilled out, pre-anal play.
All sex can sometimes be messy, and anal sex and foreplay are no exception. If this is gonna stress you out to the point that you’re unable to relax and enjoy yourself, try prepping your space ahead of time. Like, maybe strip the fancy sheets off your bed or cover your comforter with a soft, washable blanket and have some wipes on-hand for easy cleanup.
The butt is full of nerves (hence, the point of anal play and foreplay), but that doesn’t necessarily mean it can tell whether something is going in or out. Again, you can put an end to things at any time, but just know that the feeling you have is probably just from the ~new stimulation~, not a sudden urge to go.
McDevitt also recommends trying a vibrating anal toy with a broad head. “Simply place the head against the anal opening (but don’t insert!), or glide the toy in a circle around the opening. External anal vibrations add completely new sensations. Alternate between the vibe and your finger to really tease.”
Just because your ultimate goal is the butthole doesn’t mean you should totally ghost your partner’s butt cheeks. Sadie Allison, the founder of TickleKitty.com and author of Tickle My Tush–Mild-to-Wild Anal Play Adventures for Every Booty , recommends starting off with a sensual booty massage. Using lube, “place your thumbs in the creases where the legs meet the butt cheeks and glide your thumbs along the crease from the inner thigh area to the outer side. Lift and repeat. Then put your palms together in “prayer position,” placing them on their tailbone and gliding up and down their butt crack.”
You know how it’s basically impossible to tickle yourself? This isn’t the same, but trying out anal foreplay on your own is informed by a similar mindset. You won’t be surprised as much by your own, um, touch. It won’t be the same as it would be coming from a partner, but it’s a good way to feel out if you’re into the sensation.
Shower sex is notorious for being hard to successfully pull off. But because relaxation is so vital here, trying anal play in a place where you’re more likely to feel calm and loose (like the shower or tub) is helpful. Plus, if you’re worried about cleanliness (which isn’t a real problem, but it’s an understandable concern), moving things to a place where you’re already getting clean helps out.
The whole point of anal play is to keep it simple before working your way up. “To prepare a bottom for sex play, start with fingers, tongue, or a very small sex toy designed for butt play,” says Pierce. “An option is to purchase a butt plug kit that uses several plugs of graduating sizes just for this training.”
Everything that goes in should be “just the tip.” The nerve endings you’re trying to stimulate are in the anus and not all the way up there—hence, the moniker “rimming”—which is generally the painful part and also the part that makes you feel like you need to take a huge dump. Imagine it like a basketball hoop, and the ball should just be rolling around the rim of the basket, not actually making the basket. Does that help? I know nothing about basketball.
Vigorous jamming of fingers anywhere should not happen immediately. “So much of sex is fast—especially in porn—but anal play has to be prepped,” says Morse. Take your time and never engage in vigorous penetration of any type until you’re sufficiently aroused and ready.
No, not all butt stuff needs to be done doggy-style . It’s true it might be a little harder to get some solid eye contact going on when face-to-anus things are happening. But! There are a variety of positions to try, like lying on your back with your hips elevated or sitting on your partner’s face in reverse-cowgirl. Move around until you find one that makes you feel most at ease.
The only way to know what works and what doesn’t is to be totally honest with your partner about what they’re doing. Pierce stresses the importance of always being tuned in to how the other is feeling and being vocal about your preferences.
Vaginal, clitoral, nipple-centric—whichever feels best for you. While some people only need butt play à la carte, others can’t come from anal stimulation alone. “The anal part is something that’s an accent. It adds to the overall experience,” says Ian Kerner, sex expert , researcher, and author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman . (Incidentally, vagina-havers who have had anal sex report more frequent orgasms than those who haven’t.) That being said...
Why do you think The Shocker exists? Necessity is the mother of invention. “ Baby wipes should be mandatory on every nightstand,” Morse says.
“Assuming you have a considerate lover who’s invested in you feeling good, I think you’d know within the first five times whether you like it or not,” Kerner says, explaining that this depends on a variety of factors. “I’ve encountered [people] who hated receiving oral sex initially but love it now, and it was because they were self-conscious. It depends on your levels of inhibition, your feelings about your partner, your feelings about your body. If all these things are good to go, and you just don’t like the sensation, you’ll know pretty fast.”
“Most [people] don’t get Brazilians simply to engage in anal foreplay,” Kerner says, based on his research. If you feel comfier being hair-free, go for it, but just remember you should wait at least 24 hours to have sex after a wax since your skin will be raw and friction could lead to irritation.

How to Prepare for Anal Sex, According to Actual Doctors
Let’s talk about butt sex, shall we?
1. Decide what kind of anal play you’re interested in.
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3. Make sure your toys are safe for anal.
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5. Be aware of how your poop might impact anal sex.
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7. Try some anal masturbation first.
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10. Try beginner-friendly positions.
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