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Let’s be real. Even for those of us who have a generally open-minded, been-there-done-that attitude about sex, the thought of anal sex can still seem a little intimidating if you haven’t gone there before. For one reason or another, anal penetration is frequently a final sexual frontier — and there can be a whole lot of buildup (and nerves) that comes along with it.
But our greatest fears often lie in anticipation, and once you give anal a go, you might just find that you’ve been missing out on something that can actually be really hot and satisfying . After all, some studies have found that mutual satisfaction was high across the gender orgasm gap in a sexual encounters that included anal, as FiveThirtyEight’s Mona Chalabi wrote in 2015: “100 percent of men and 94 percent of women say they orgasmed during encounters in which they received anal sex.” This could be because anal is something that requires a bit more foreplay and preparation to execute well or that the people who are having anal sex are maybe a bit more concerned with getting their partner off.
We checked in with some experts and asked them to take the mystery out of anal sex for beginners , and they schooled us on some positions that can help ease you into your first time to actually make it an enjoyable experience.
Arm yourself with these tips and a lot of lube, and you’re on your way to one kick-ass time.
In the traditional cowgirl position, your partner lies down while you mount on top — yeehaw! As the partner on top, you can ease into anal penetration by moving up or down as needed. Pro tip: Make sure your bottom partner does not begin to thrust until you’re good and ready.
Certified Master Sex Expert and Educator, Sex Coach and “So Tight” Sensual Fitness Personal Trainer Nikki Ransom endorses the cowgirl position for anal newbies. She explains, “This position will allow you to control the pace and depth that his penis goes inside of you. Remember to go at an easy pace and stay relaxed. It helps to have had an orgasm already and be highly aroused.”
Jessica O’Reilly (a.k.a. Dr. Jess, Ph.D.) , author, international speaker and PlayboyTV’s sexologist, offers an alternative to the cowgirl in her book The New Sex Bible , “If she doesn’t like the sensation of deep penetration, but he desires more stimulation against the base of his shaft, she can reach backwards with a warm, wet hand to grasp the lower half of his shaft. Her hand becomes an extension of her butt while providing a physical buffer to ensure only shallow penetration.”
This position is most often associated with anal because it has major advantages. As the partner on the bottom, you can stay loose as you control penetration to increase pleasure. Getting busy on all fours may be your best bet if you have attempted and found anal painful in the past.
Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels , co-authors of Designer Relationships, Partners in Passion, Great Sex Made Simple, Tantra for Erotic Empowerment and The Essence of Tantric Sexuality , recommend doggy style for first-timers and those who may have had an unpleasant experience before. The couple says, “Anal sex should never be painful. Always use plenty of lube and proceed slowly and gently.” Ransom adds, “Rub and stimulate your clitoris too to make it even more pleasurable.”
In The New Sex Bible , Dr. Jess has a different take on doggy-style anal sex. She recommends the modified doggy to give the receptive partner more control, support intimacy and provide the opportunity for double penetration. Dr. Jess explains, “She assumes a kneeling position with her butt cheeks on her heels and her knees spread wide open. She places her hands on her knees or the bed for support. He assumes the same position behind her and adjusts his height so that the head of his [penis] rests below her bum. He remains static as she lowers herself onto his head and takes a few deep breaths before sliding farther down his shaft. She drives her butt and hips up and down at her own pace as he reaches around to fondle her breasts or rub her clitoris.”
This position is preferred if you are looking for extra intimacy during the act. Start with your partner sitting as you mount his lap, face-to-face. Once again — as the partner on top, you can control depth of penetration to stay comfy. Face-to-face anal has the added bonus of extra stimulation for a woman: breasts, clitoris, go crazy!
Johnson and Michaels love face-to-face anal for the toe-tingling intimacy it provides. They confirm, “This position facilitates using eye contact and breath to build even more arousal.”
Dr. Jess agrees. She says, “I like this position as it allows the ‘mounter’ to exercise a good amount of control of the depth and rhythm of penetration. Wear a vibrating c*** ring for this one to provide extra pleasurable sensations as the top partner grinds against his shaft.”
A version of this post was originally published January 2015.
Still want to change things up in bed? Our sex position bucket list has all sorts of moves to try:
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by Krissy Brady Published: Nov 13, 2015
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Finally, butt play where YOU call the shots.
While you probably already know that back-door entry during sex stimulates super-sensitive nerve endings, you might not enjoy the butt stuff as much because there's not much for you to do but let him hammer away. Luckily, the doggy-style take-it-from-behind position isn't your only option for anal sex , says sexologist and relationship expert Carlen Costa, Ph.D.
Fun fact: Being in control of the depth of his penetration can make booty sex even enjoyable than what you've tried before, says Costa. In fact, she says that one move in particular allows you to control the tempo, angle, and depth of his penis while giving you and your partner easy access to your clitoris for some serious stimulation. Sign. Us. Up.
The move: The Matterhorn is totally control freak-friendly, says Costa. And because this position widens your hips, it's more comfortable for your tush. Additionally, the Matterhorn enables you to regulate the intensity of penetration and the closeness between you and your partner.
Here's how to do it: Pile pillows on top of each other in front of your chest, and lean over them with your hands on top. In this position, your torso should be at a 45-degree angle, perpendicular to the bed or floor. Kneel with your legs spread more than hip-distance apart, and have your partner enter you from behind. So you'll look kinda like this (BTW this is the mountain this sexual adventure was named after):
Before you say, "Hey, now! This looks a little too familiar," you should know that geometry is on your side here. "Although this is similar to doggy style in that he is behind you, this position allows you to hold your body up at a straighter angle," says Costa. "This gives you the power to rock yourself back and forth while your partner presses their body against yours." In other words, they're just along for the ride while you run the show.
A few extra pointers: "Tease your anus beforehand to allow your anal cavity to become more relaxed and open to fully accepting the pleasure," says Costa. Addtionally, be sure to use plenty of lube, and make sure you're in control of the initial penetration so he doesn't enter you too quickly, says Costa. You can do this by reaching around and guiding the penis in with your hand or communicating with your partner about how fast or slow you want him to insert his junk.
Oh, and as we mentioned earlier, this position also allows you to easily stimulate your clitoris, "so you can achieve a fantastic blended orgasm ," she says. You can do this by using a vibrator yourself or asking your partner to. Another option: Have your guy reach around for a little manual stimulation. But don't just take her word for it! *Wink*
Krissy is a regular contributor to Prevention, and she also writes for Cosmopolitan, Weight Watchers, Women's Health, FitnessMagazine.com, Self.com, and Shape.com.
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There's more than one way to get a PhD in analingus.
Once considered taboo, the rim job (a.k.a. rimming, analingus, peach-munching, eating the booty like groceries, etc.) is becoming a more mainstream sexual act. There are various reasons why that might be the case: It may be due to increased visibility through porn, references to rim jobs in popular culture, or the fact that even The Bachelorette is talking about sex positivity these days. Whatever the reason may be, it's great that more people are feeling empowered to try rimming—because let's be real: It feels great, regardless of your sex, gender, or sexual orientation.
“This region of your butt is a highly erogenous zone with a plethora of nerve endings,” Dr. Evan Goldstein , founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical and The Future Method , previously told Men's Health . "The sensations are indescribable, though most people compare it to having their most sensitive and ticklish areas kissed or licked.”
If you’ve never performed a rim job before and are looking for a plethora of basic analingus tips, you might want to read our full explainer on how to eat ass like a pro . But if you already know what to do and you’re just looking for the most pleasurable positions to rim in—i.e., positions that don’t strain your neck or, you know, put you at risk for asphyxiation under your partner's butt cheeks—then keep reading. We compiled a list of the best positions for rimming, so you can feast like a goddamn king.
The most classic position for rimming is probably doggy style. Not only is the booty super accessible, but when you're done rimming, you’re already in the perfect position to have anal sex .
Variation: If doggy style puts the receiver's booty at an awkward height for the giver, the receiver can try laying flat on their stomach and spreading their cheeks.
Another common position is when the receiver is on their back with their legs bent in the air. If they're an expert contortionist, they can even bend their legs behind their head.
Variation : You can use a sex pillow to prop up the receiver's pelvis, so the giver doesn't tire out their neck from that strenuous angle.
“Face-sitting is also fun to explore, but can be challenging for both the giver and the receiver,” Luna Matatas , a sex and pleasure educator, previously told Men's Health . “Prop up your head with a pillow to bring your face closer to their anus. The person being rimmed can use a bed or a wall to help balance their weight off their knees and thighs."
You can also do a reverse face-sit, where the receiver is sitting on the giver's face but they’re facing away from them. This position is popular among guys who love to be completely smothered by booty, to the point where consensual breath play can even take place.
While the giver of the rim job eats their partner's booty, the rim rob receiver can perform oral sex on their junk! It’s a win-win.

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