Anal Pain Big

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How to Have Pain Free Anal Sex If Your Partner’s Dick Is Huge
Exploring anal sex for the first time can be exciting, but also nerve-wracking — especially if your partner has a big penis and you're nervous about the pain. Here are some tips to make things go as smoothly as possible, pun intended.
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Sex should be fun, but it can also be complicated. Welcome to Sexual Resolution , a biweekly column by sex therapist Vanessa Marin to answer your most confidential questions and help you achieve a healthy, joyful sex life. In this edition, she answers a reader who wants to have anal sex but whose partner has a big penis. She's nervous about the potential for pain, but Vanessa has some helpful tips. Have your own question? Ask it here .
DEAR VANESSA: I'm planning to have my first anal intercourse with a friend I've known for a couple of years. We tried it once, but we were not prepared. His penis is big, and I'm afraid it will hurt a lot, but I really want to do it. What do you advise? — Scared of Size, 22
DEAR SOS: It’s great that you’re being thoughtful about setting yourselves up for success. Anal sex can be insanely pleasurable, but it does require some work to minimize the discomfort and help you relax. The rectum isn’t nearly as flexible as the vagina is, so it can be harder to get things up there. But with a few pretty straightforward steps, you'll have a much better experience.
First, I recommend you get more familiar with your own anus and rectum. (The anus refers to the outside part and the rectum is the inside.) Try playing with your ass as you masturbate. You can use a lubed-up finger or a slim, lubed-up dildo.
If you’re using a toy , make sure that it has a flared base, meaning that the base is wider than the toy itself. Your anal sphincters are surprisingly strong and can actually pull sex toys up into the rectum. A flared base ensures that you’ll avoid a trip to the emergency room. If you’re nervous about girth issues with your partner, you can start with a very slim dildo and slowly work your way up to bigger and bigger dildos to get a sense of what size you can take. This will also help you stay more relaxed when you experiment with your partner.
Next, I recommend that you and your friend have a few sessions where you focus on anal play instead of anal sex. Have your friend use his fingers and/or your toys on you. Show him what you’ve learned you like. Practice communicating, giving him feedback about speed, depth, pressure, etc. Ask him to check in with you to make sure you’re OK. Also, you can tell your friend ahead of time that you’re a little nervous and want to make sure that you go slow.
When you’re ready to try anal sex again, spend plenty of time hooking up before. You want to be as relaxed and turned-on as possible. If you can have an orgasm before anal sex, that can help your entire body relax. Also, make sure to play with fingers or toys in that session, before you involve his penis.
When you’re ready for his penis, make sure to use a ton of lube . Seriously, a ton . Lube up his penis, and you can add some lube to your anus, too. For anal play, I think silicone-based lube works best; it has a thicker consistency and tends to last longer than water-based lubes, so you won’t have to reapply mid-session.
My holy grail lube is Pjur Original . You can even find lubes that are specially formulated for anal play, like Pjur Backdoor . These lubes tend to be thicker and more durable.
Remind your partner that you’re a little nervous, and let him know you need to go as slow as possible. Have him press his penis against your anus, and hold it there while you breathe slowly and deeply. I recommend you be in control of the insertion, so you can control the exact speed and depth. This works well for doggy-style and with you on top.
Try pushing your body against his so that his penis goes in about an inch. Pause there, and keep focused on breathing and staying relaxed. If that feels OK, try another inch. Work your way down the length of his penis as far as you feel comfortable. If you’re feeling good, you can try moving up and down on his penis, or letting him take control of the movement. Keep communicating to let him know how you’re feeling.
Finally, if you experience pain or discomfort at any point, ask your partner to take a break. Have him stay still, while you focus on deep breathing . If the discomfort subsides, you can start again, slowly, with either of you in control of the movements. If the discomfort doesn’t go away, or if you feel pain, tell your partner to stop. Do not force yourself to keep going. Anal sex should be pleasurable, not painful.
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Vanessa Marin is a licensed sex therapist based in Los Angeles. You can find her on Twitter , Instagram , and her website .
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Verywell Health's content is for informational and educational purposes only. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

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Rectal pain is a common experience. While some cases are due to a chronic and/or serious medical condition, most are not. Nevertheless, the pain can be intense, worrying, and impact your quality of life.


This article reviews the many causes of rectal pain and the various treatments used to manage them, including self-care strategies, medications, and complementary options. You'll also learn when you need to seek medical attention.


Depending on the underlying cause, rectal pain may be described as burning, stinging, aching, throbbing, or stabbing.


Rectal pain is also often accompanied by other symptoms, such as:


It's important to seek medical attention right away if you are experiencing:


Schedule a doctor's appointment or call your doctor if you are experiencing:


Your rectum begins at the end of your large intestines ( colon ) and ends at your anus. When stool reaches your rectum from your colon, you will feel an urge to have a bowel movement. Stool moves through your rectum and out of your body through your anus.


Due to the proximity and collaboration of the rectum and anus, "rectal pain" may be due to a problem within your rectum or your anus.


While not an exhaustive list, here are some conditions that cause rectal/anal pain. Some are more concerning than others, but luckily, many can be managed at home.


Hemorrhoids are swollen or enlarged veins in the rectum. They are estimated to affect over half of all American adults. 1 They are more common in pregnancy, older people, those who sit for prolonged periods of time, and those who strain during bowel movements.


Hemorrhoids are a common cause of bright red blood after a bowel movement. Besides bleeding, patients commonly report itching around their anal area or discomfort during a bowel movement or when sitting.


If a blood clot forms inside a hemorrhoid—what's called a thrombosed hemorrhoid—sudden, severe rectal/anal pain may develop.


An anal fissure is a small tear in the skin at the opening of the anus where stool comes out. It usually occurs from excessive straining and stretching of the anal canal when passing a large or hard stool .


Once an anal fissure develops, the internal anal sphincter (the muscle that controls the anal opening) often goes into spasm, making it even more difficult to pass stools.


The pain of an anal fissure occurs with every bowel movement and is often very severe, sharp, and/or "ripping" in nature. A dull, throbbing pain may then take over and last for several minutes to hours.


If you have an anal fissure, you may also see a small amount of bright red blood in your stool or on toilet paper when you wipe.


Fecal impaction occurs when hardened, dry stool gets lodged in the rectum causing pain, among other symptoms, like stool leakage and bloating.


Fecal impaction results from chronic constipation, oftentimes in older individuals who are unable to sense the urge to have a bowel movement. Limited fluid intake, a low-fiber diet, and an inactive lifestyle also tend to contribute.


Levator ani syndrome is characterized by episodes of aching or pressure-like pain high up in the rectum. The episodes last 30 minutes or longer.


This syndrome is more common in women, especially those between 30 and 60 years of age.


While the precise cause remains unknown, some research suggests the attacks may be triggered by stress, sex, bowel movements, sitting for long periods of time, and childbirth. 2


Proctalgia fugax causes recurrent, sudden attacks of cramping, spasming, gnawing, or stabbing pain in the rectum unrelated to bowel movements. The attacks last around 15 minutes on average and may be triggered by stressful life events or anxiety.


Proctalgia fugax may occur at any age in men or women, but it is rare before puberty. 2


An anal fistula is an abnormal connection that forms between the anal canal and the skin of your buttocks. Most patients with an anal fistula have a history of a collection of pus called a perianal abscess that was previously drained. 3


Symptoms of an anal fistula may include pain, anal swelling, skin irritation around the anus, fever and chills, and drainage of pus near the anal opening.


A perianal hematoma is a collection of blood that develops around the anus. It is sometimes mistaken for an external hemorrhoid.


Perianal hematomas are extremely painful and caused by some sort of trauma or injury that makes the veins in your anal area suddenly break open. For example, this may occur because of straining during a bowel movement, lifting heavy weights, or forceful coughing.


Inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) is a general term for two disorders: Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis . Both cause chronic inflammation (pain and swelling) of the digestive system.


Crohn's disease affects your digestive tract, anywhere from your mouth to your anus. Symptoms may include diarrhea, crampy abdominal pain, rectal soreness and fullness, tiredness, fever, and weight loss.


Ulcerative colitis nearly always involves the rectum and lower colon, although the entire colon may be affected. Symptoms may include bleeding, diarrhea, cramping abdominal pain, and rectal soreness.


Proctitis refers to inflammation of the lining of the rectum. Besides soreness and a sensation of rectal fullness, other symptoms of proctitis include bloody bowel movements, diarrhea, abdominal cramping, and passing mucus.


Inflammatory bowel disease is a common cause of proctitis, as are sexually transmitted diseases passed through anal sex, including gonorrhea , chlamydia , syphilis , herpes , and HIV .


Other causes of proctitis include trauma (e.g., insertion of objects into the anus), cancer radiation therapy, and foodborne illnesses, including salmonella and shigella .


Antibiotics, too, may cause proctitis by killing helpful bacteria in the rectum and allowing harmful bacteria to grow. 4


This is an uncommon and poorly understood disorder characterized by redness or sores in the mucosal lining of the rectum.


Symptoms of this disorder include rectal bleeding and pain, pelvic fullness, tenesmus, straining during bowel movements, and the passage of mucus.


While the precise cause remains unknown, experts suspect it may stem from chronic constipation. An uncoordinated rectal muscle problem or another condition called rectal prolapse (when the rectum protrudes through the anus) are also possible causes. 5


While not common, anal or rectal cancer may be the source of your pain.


Bleeding is often the first sign of anal cancer. 6 Other possible rectal or anal cancer symptoms include:

Both temporary and chronic conditions can cause rectal pain. These include hemorrhoids, fecal impaction, and IBS. Cancer is rarely the cause, but it is a possibility. Any concerning symptoms should be evaluated by your doctor.

A primary care doctor, gastroenterologist , or colorectal surgeon is often involved in the diagnosis and management of rectal pain.


In addition to a medical history and physical exam, your doctor may perform various tests and procedures, such as:


As you probably expect, the treatment of rectal pain depends on the underlying diagnosis.


In many cases, various self-care strategies can be used to manage your pain.


For example, taking sitz baths two or three times a day for 15 minutes can help soothe pain associated with hemorrhoids, anal fissures, perianal hematomas, levator ani syndrome, and proctalgia fugax. Sitz baths work by improving blood flow and relaxing the muscles that surround your anus. 7 They are available in most drugstores and online.


A diet rich in fiber is also appropriate for these conditions. It can soften stool, making bowel movement less painful. It can help manage solitary rectal ulcer syndrome and prevent recurrent fecal impaction as well. 5


Aim for 20 to 35 grams of fiber per day.


Certain causes of rectal pain can be managed well with over-the-counter or prescription medications.


Different types of medications may be recommended for the relief of rectal pain, such as:


Stool softeners such as Colace (docusate) help soften hard stools and alleviate constipation. They are often used to manage hemorrhoids, anal fissures, and perianal hematomas.


Laxatives may also be recommended for easing constipation, especially in patients with fecal impaction, anal fissures, or solitary rectal ulcer syndrome.


For bacteria-related sources of rectal pain, such as proctitis from gonorrhea or chlamydia, antibiotics will be given. Antivirals will be given for proctitis related to an infection with herpes or HIV. 4


Inflammatory bowel disease may be treated with steroids and/or immunosuppressants in order to slow the progression of the disease. 8


A combination of therapies is often used to treat chronic anal pain caused by levator ani syndrome, proctalgia fugax, and, sometimes, solitary rectal ulcer syndrome.


The treatment of fecal impaction may require an enema either at home or in a doctor's office. For severe cases, manual removal of the hard stool may be warranted. 9


Other medical therapies or office-based procedures may also be considered. For example, with rubber-band ligation , the blood supply to a hemorrhoid is cut off, forcing it to shrink. Surgery may be indicated for severe cases of proctitis caused by IBD or hemorrhoids that cannot be treated any other way. 10


Surgery is also often indicated to repair an anal fistula, treat anal/rectal cancer, and for patients with solitary rectal ulcer syndrome who suffer from rectal prolapse. 5

There are several different treatments for rectal pain depending on its cause. These include various self-care strategies, medications, and complementary therapies. For some diagnoses, an office-based or surgical procedure is warranted.

There are many potential causes of rectal pain including hemorrhoids, an anal fissure, inflammation from IBD, an infection, or trauma. Cancer is also a cause, albeit a much less common one.


Rectal pain is often easily diagnosed and managed, and at-home treatments may be all that's needed. Still, if you are unsure why you are experiencing rectal pain, it is severe or not improving, or you have other worrisome symptoms like bleeding or fever, see your doctor.


You may feel hesitant to talk about rectal pain, even with a physician. It may help to remember that the issue is common and that your doctor's sole concern is making sure you are well.


Once a diagnosis is reached, a suitable and effective treatment plan can be established—perhaps one that will address the cause of your rectal pain once and for all. And in the rare instance that your pain is due to cancer or a chronic condition like IBD, early treatment is key. The sooner you are evaluated, the better.


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