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After 13 years of marriage, this woman is tired of letting her husband get his way in the bedroom. What should she do?
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Passionate Living Coach Abiola Abrams gives love, dating and self-esteem advice on the CW’s Bill Cunningham Show and all over the web through her hit web series AbiolaTV . Now she wants to help you keep things spicy and fresh between the sheets. Are you in need of an intimacy intervention? Just ask Abiola!
Dear Abiola, Is booty sex a reason to leave a marriage? My husband has had an addiction to anal sex my entire 13-year marriage, along with regular sex as well. I only have a problem with the anal part. It hurts and makes me feel bad afterwards. He knows I don’t like it or desire it. After counseling and a separation of 3 months, he decided that now he wants to sit his penis in my crack of my anal area without going inside. To me that’s still too much. He doesn’t understand that I DO NOT want to be touched BACK THERE at ALL! I’m at the point of just wanting to end my marriage because I have endured so much pain from this addiction of his. Please help me! I’m desperate. Signed, Tired of the hurt to my body Dear Sacred Bombshell, You sign your letter “tired of the hurt to my body” but glaring between your every word is the hurt to your heart. Let me start off by saying that anything that consenting adults agree to do within the sanctity of their own relationship is up to them. Healthy sex is safe, sane, and consensual. I define safe sex as sexual interaction that is mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually safe. Your sexual relationship with your husband is not safe by any of those parameters. The issue seems to be “booty sex” on the surface but that’s only the symptom. The base issue is the blatant disregard for your feelings in your relationship. You deserve a basic level of compassion, empathy and understanding from your life partner. Again, you and only you have the final say in what works best for your body. Your husband, in your words, has a sexual addiction. Although sexual addiction is often brushed off or laughed at in our society as possibly “not a real thing,” sex addiction is addiction. An addiction is a mental health challenge. Given that, you cannot have sex that is safe and sane with an addict who is in the throes of his addiction. Of course you want to please your man, but you have a right to choose what you are into and what you’re not into. There is no sexual act that is mandatory to your relationship. It is deeply troubling that your husband would persist down this pathway despite your insistence and after therapy and separation. Again, when you are dealing with an addict in the active throes of his or her addiction, you are not dealing with a rational mind. Please find support at the Partners of Sex Addicts Resource Center at www.posarc.com . Other support groups include the 12-step Co-Dependents of Sex Addicts and S-Anon is a “program of recovery for those who have been affected by someone else’s sexual behavior.” You deserve to feel emotionally safe in your marriage. You have a right to feel loved, honored, and cherished. If your husband is unwilling or unable to be who you need him to be, then you have to ask yourself the difficult question of whether the relationship you are trying to save even still exists.
Blogger, author and life coach Abiola Abrams
Abiola Abrams is the founder of The Bombshell Academy blog, online school and web series over at AbiolaTV . Follow her on Twitter to continue the discussion about this week’s hot topic, and then email her your burning questions now. Anything you send will be posted anonymously, promise.
‘How Do I Escape The Booty Call Zone?’
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Инце́ст (лат. incestus — «преступный, греховный»), или кровосмеше́ние, — половая связь между близкими кровными родственниками (родителями и детьми, братьями и сёстрами).
Incest (/ˈɪnsɛst/ IN-sest) is human sexual activity between family members or close relatives. This typically includes sexual activity between people in consanguinity (blood relations), and sometimes those related by affinity (marriage or stepfamily)... Читать ещё Incest (/ˈɪnsɛst/ IN-sest) is human sexual activity between family members or close relatives. This typically includes sexual activity between people in consanguinity (blood relations), and sometimes those related by affinity (marriage or stepfamily), adoption, or lineage. The incest taboo is one of the most widespread of all cultural taboos, both in present and in past societies. Most modern societies have laws regarding incest or social restrictions on closely consanguineous marriages. In societies... Скрыть
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Однако инцест — это не только прямое сексуальное насилие, предупреждают эксперты. Анализ особых семейных ситуаций, которые становятся для ребенка не... Читать ещё Однако инцест — это не только прямое сексуальное насилие, предупреждают эксперты. Анализ особых семейных ситуаций, которые становятся для ребенка не менее разрушительными. | PSYCHOLOGIES. ... Где начинается инцест ? Сегодня об этом уже открыто говорят в криминальной хронике. Однако инцест — это не только прямое сексуальное насилие, предупреждают эксперты. Анализ особых семейных ситуаций, которые становятся для ребенка не менее разрушительными. Скрыть
" Инцест - дело семейное". В большинстве современных культур половые отношения между близкими родственниками (между родителями и их детьми или между сиблингами, т.е. братьями и сестрами) являются табу. Читать ещё " Инцест - дело семейное". В большинстве современных культур половые отношения между близкими родственниками (между родителями и их детьми или между сиблингами, т.е. братьями и сестрами) являются табу. В большинстве древних культур было аналогично. Скрыть
Как переводится « incest » с английского на русский: переводы с транскрипцией, произношением и примерами в онлайн-словаре. Читать ещё Как переводится « incest » с английского на русский: переводы с транскрипцией, произношением и примерами в онлайн-словаре. ... Перевод Incest с английского на русский сделан онлайн Яндекс.Переводчиком — сервисом автоматического перевода слов, фраз, текстов и веб-страниц. Сервис сопровождает переводы примерами использования и транскрипцией, озвучивает слова. В режиме сайта переводит всё текстовое содержимое страниц. Скрыть
Серьезно поговорим об инцесте . Что это, почему происходит, почему это плохо, и все ли так однозначно. Читать ещё Серьезно поговорим об инцесте . Что это, почему происходит, почему это плохо, и все ли так однозначно. ... Так, держи зонтик. Это тебе, чтобы прикрыться от потока шуток типа « инцест — дело семейное» и про Джейме и Серсею Ланнистеров. Все, поток миновал? Отлично, а теперь время для более-менее серьезного разговора (не бойся, пошутейки тоже будут, почему нет). Итак, что такое инцест , почему инцест — это плохо и всегда ли это так. Морально сложный вопрос, на самом деле. Скрыть
Incest (92) Female Nudity (78) Female Full Frontal Nudity (60) Bare Breasts (54) Sex (52) Sex ... This is a story of love and lust shaded with overtones of incest and lesbianism. Читать ещё Incest (92) Female Nudity (78) Female Full Frontal Nudity (60) Bare Breasts (54) Sex (52) Sex Scene (52) Brother Sister Incest (50) Female Full Rear Nudity (45) Female Pubic Hair (41) Brother Sister Relationship (38) Erotica (38) Male Nudity (36) Brother Sister Sex (35) Male Full Rear Nudity (34) Large Breasts (31) Sex With Sister (31) Female Frontal Nudity (29) Lesbian Sex (29). ... This is a story of love and lust shaded with overtones of incest and lesbianism. Скрыть
В современной психологической литературе представление об инцесте несколько расширилось. ... Понятие инцеста в современных реалиях. Статьи / Травма насилия. В современной психологической литературе... Читать ещё В современной психологической литературе представление об инцесте несколько расширилось. Ранее под инцестом понимался только секс с кровными родственниками (оте ... ... Понятие инцеста в современных реалиях. Статьи / Травма насилия. В современной психологической литературе представление об инцесте несколько расширилось. Ранее под инцестом понимался только секс с кровными родственниками (отец, брат). Скрыть
Что такое инцест (кровосмешение)? Это сексуальные отношения по обоюдному согласию, в которых участвуют индивиды, имеющие прямое родство. Читать ещё Что такое инцест (кровосмешение)? Это сексуальные отношения по обоюдному согласию, в которых участвуют индивиды, имеющие прямое родство. Причины и последствия. ... Большинство людей имеют размытое понимание, что такое инцест ? Эта тема табу, о чём нельзя говорить вслух, и даже думать. Это то, от чего невольно съёживаешься и испытываешь даже некоторую гадливость. Скрыть
Инцест в египетской королевской семье Широкие женские бедра, косолапость - некоторые из реальных физических особенностей Тутанхамона. Причина? Анализ ДНК показывает, что он был продуктом кровосмешения. Из-за этого... Читать ещё Инцест в египетской королевской семье Широкие женские бедра, косолапость - некоторые из реальных физических особенностей Тутанхамона. Причина? Анализ ДНК показывает, что он был продуктом кровосмешения. Из-за этого он также страдал от височной эпилепсии, малярии и чрезвычайно тяжелой болезни Колера, и все это, возможно, в конечном итоге привело к его смерти. Инцест поощрялся в египетских королевских семьях, чтобы поддерживать чистоту в родословной. Скрыть
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I am a 28-year-old career woman, a banker to be exact. Unlike many girls my age who are getting ready for marriage and planning weddings, I am in a relationship people may call bizarre. I am in love with a man who cherished me as a baby and watched me grow up. This is the man who has never stopped calling me beautiful, whose love is broad-spectrum and is in and out of season. That man is my father.
Don't be hasty to judge me, I have no regrets nor am I ready to change my mind.
It all began when I was 13. Those were the days I badly needed love. My mother gave more attention to my two younger brothers and often I felt left out. She kept finding fault with me; throwing tantrums at the slightest provocation and blaming me sometimes for things my brothers did.
"You should be their role model," I remember every beating from my mother. Justly speaking, it was not all uphill with her; there were some good times but I can dare say that the bitter moments outweigh the good ones by far! I grew to hate her too. I am not embarrassed that I found love and consolation from her husband.
Daddy is a businessman; so many times he'd be away on business trips. When he came home, I would lie on his chest and cry asking him not to leave me behind next time he went for a trip. "Darling, you're still in school," he'd gently tell me and press me hard on his chest. I was only a little girl then. If my mother shouted at me in his presence, he'd reprimand her. Those were the only times I felt justice being done to me.
At the age of 12, after my first menstruation period, I dared my mother for a woman-to-woman chat. "Why don't you like me? Is it that you expected a boy and you got me? Did dad rape you on the night you conceived me," I recited what I had been coached by my peers. She insisted she loved me but her actions continued to be different.
Then, my hips started growing and I was turning into a pretty woman. I often caught my dad stealing glances at me especially at the dining table. I didn't know about man-to -woman love then and it's much later I that I realised my dad had fallen in love with me long before I knew it. My mother cautioned me against men generally and talked ill about all of them.
But dad was and is still different from all the men I have ever met. He's charming, caring, listening and willing to understand. I can describe my dad as my father, my friend, counselor and my lover. No man can match him! As a little girl, I could see jealousy written all over my mother's face and at some point I started enjoying it. I would sit on dad's lap and wrap my little hands around his neck just to provoke her. She'd make a face but not at any time did she ever stop me. Maybe if she had talked to me about incest then, things would be different today.
On my thirteenth birthday, Dad had a surprise for me: a trip with him to South Africa. I can't narrate the joy of being alone for a whole week with a person who loved me dearly and away from my mother's quarrels. A nice hotel in Jo'burg was my birthday place. I had a nice spacious room all to myself and dad's room was opposite mine.
On the second night he came to my room and without any preambles he held me tightly and gave me a long deep kiss on the lips. I felt a sense of belonging and a very special attachment to him. That is the night I gave my virginity to my dad. That night we discussed many things and he told me that he wouldn't mind telling the world that he loved me were it not for societal outlook.
We'd keep it secret though sitting on his lap and him hugging me and kissing my forehead or cheek would continue. I left Jo'burg with many presents but above all, feeling gratified that I had been ushered into adulthood by a man who loved me and whom I loved.
Our love blossomed by the day and we'd go out many times. He'd pick me from boarding school and we'd spend the afternoon together. The world knew dad loved me but perhaps their interpretation was different. This continued until I joined university.
At the University I could see my peers with their little boyfriends and at some point I thought I would give it a try. I got myself a boyfriend but the relationship lasted barelya week. He was childish, noisy and hyperactive! That is the complete opposite of my dad. My relationship with dad is mature. He has taught me to be calm and how to handle issues maturely. I am not surprised he pushes away any young man who comes close to me.
The day my mother caught me on her bed with dad, she faked surprise and I had to tell her bluntly to stop pretending. Was she so blind all those years to see dad was treating me better than her? He'd give me money to pay workers. We'd go shopping with him and have night-long loud-laughter chats in the study. We went for his international business trips together and even have a joint bank account! When she caught us and kicked him out of their bedroom, the poor man ran to me. I now share my bedroom with him without an iota of remorse. My brothers hate me but because my dad has always been there for me, I must fight to make him happy.
Though we denied it when summoned by the clan elders, thanks to my mother's big mouth, our love is not ending anytime soon. I know the science behind having a child with a blood relative that's why dad and I have kept it on hold.
When the right time comes, I may opt to adopt. Meanwhile, I continue being dad's best friend and lover. We have never fought over anything over the years. Though people may call us insane, from my intellectual eye, I notice even the elders who stood to condemn us admire our relationship.
- The identity of the person telling the story has been hidden to protect her and others involved from stigma
Incest is a serious public health issue but it's usually ignored in order to protect involved families. Father and daughter incest is common in many African countries and as Allan Kimani, a counseling psychologist at Nairobi Counseling Services explains, many incest victims suffer from Stockholm Syndrome where they develop irrational empathy for their assailants.
"Whether the girl is a minor or an adult, consented or not, the girl remains a victim because the father has the upper hand in the illegitimate relationship", says Kimani.
Section 20 and 21 of the Sexual Offences Act stipulates that if two adults of close relation get involved in sex, the two are guilty of incest and can face a jail term of not less than ten years. Consequently, in the case of an adult daughter and the father, the two can be charged in court.
Dr Kevin Wamula, a psychiatrist at Mathari Hospital points out that incest is more of a criminal than a mental illness. He however notes that in extreme cases between a father and daughter, mental evaluation is paramount. "The evaluation can determine whether any of the two is suffering from schizophrenia or any other mental illness," he said.
Schizophrenia is a mental disorder which affects how a person thinks, feels and behaves. Dr. Wamula advises that should a person detect that they are sexually attracted to close relatives, they should seek either counseling or mental health services to prevent regrettable situations.
Scientifically, a baby conceived out of such a relationship is likely to inherit genetic defects and terminating the pregnancy would be the safer option.
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