Anal For Beginners
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Anal For Beginners
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Jordyn Taylor is the Deputy Editor of Content at Men's Health.
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Whether you're a beginner or seasoned butt enthusiast, you're going to want to read this.
So you're into butt stuff. Well, reader, you're not alone.
Maybe you're among the 43% of men who've been on the giving end of anal sex at some point in their lives, or maybe you're down to receive it ( pegging, anyone? ). Maybe you've always wanted to go in through the back door, but haven't had the chance to cross it off your sexual bucket list yet.
No matter your experience level, you might be in search of tips to make your next anal sex experience the best it can be—and who better to guide you than Dr. Zhana Vrangalova , LELO sexpert and NYU professor of human sexuality? With her help, we assembled a guide to anal sex for beginner and advanced practitioners, from the hottest positions to the best toys to add an extra boost of pleasure.
Here's how to have mind-blowing anal sex, whether it's your first or five-hundredth time.
Before you even think about approaching the back door, you need to have "the talk" with your partner. Find out if you're both on the same page about experimenting with butt stuff—and if it turns out they're not into it, do not pressure them .
You're both down to try it? Great! Now, hold your horses: The key to first-time anal sex is going slow, Vrangalova says. (That, and using a lot of lube . The anus isn't going to lubricate itself, people! )
Consider starting with some rimming , or simply pressing on the anal area. Then go in with a finger or a very small butt plug, followed by two fingers or a larger toy. Then, if the receiving partner is comfortable, you can enter with your penis.
It's hard to predict how long it'll take to get there. "There's so much individual variability in terms of how tight people are," Vrangalova says. "I've known people who've never had anything up their asses and on the first time things go up right away."
Other people's anuses may be slower to open up—in which case, you may want to adjust your penetration technique.
"People often think they need to make these small in and out movements...[but] often that doesn’t feel good to the person being penetrated," she says. "What they would instead want is to have the penis or strap-on enter a little bit and then just stay there for 10, 20, 30 seconds until the sphincter can get used to that and relax, and then push it a little more and stay."
The biggest takeaway here? Talk to your partner the whole way through about what feels good.
"It's super important to have a constant communication line open between the two people, and go with the speed that the person being penetrated [is comfortable with]," she says.
There are lots of great positions for anal sex beginners. Receiving partners often find it easiest to be on their back, on their stomach, or on all fours.
"For some people, being on top gives them more control," Vrangalova adds. "Physicaly, it might be a little more difficult to relax, but psychologically, it gives them more of a sense of control."
Well...that's too bad. "Shit happens, literally, when you play with anal," Vrangalova says. "People need to be prepared that there might be some."
That being said, as long as your partner has gone number two recently—and they're not in the midst of like, a violent diarrhea spell—you probably don't need to worry about a sudden poop explosion (or "poop-pocalypse," as Vrangalova calls it). "If you know you went to bathroom that morning, and it feels like you don't need to go, it shouldn't be a problem," she says.
If a little poop make an appearance, don't be a dick about it. Your partner might be embarrassed, so let them know it's no big deal. "Try to deal with that in as kind and compassionate way as possible," she says. "Don't say, 'Oh my god, this is gross.' Have paper towels nearby that you can use."
So you've mastered the basics of anal sex, and now you're looking to take your skills to the next level. (Remember: Get consent from your partner every time you do anal—or any sex act, for that matter. Just because they were cool with it once, they're not necessarily in the mood for it tonight.) If you're both down to ramp up your anal game, read on.
If you have always have anal with the receiving partner on their hands and knees, try switching it up. As Men's Health previously reported, one easy option is a position known as The Matterhorn , which involves the receiving partner kneeling and leaning on a stack of pillows or piece of furniture at a 45-degree angle.
"There's a whole world of possibilities out there when it comes to toys," Vrangalova says.
Here's something relatively easy to try: If the receiving partner has a vagina, they can try using a vibrator on their clitoris to make the anal sex experience even more pleasurable. (Clitoral stimulation may also help them relax—not to mention achieve an incredible orgasm.)
Here's something a little more advanced: double penetration. "Whether you have two toys for vaginal and anal [penetration], or you have a penis and a toy in either hole, it's a great way to play around," Vrangalova says.
For the super-duper advanced, there's even the possibility of double anal penetration—i.e., a penis and a toy in the anus at the same time. You can work up to it by using bigger and bigger toys, or a fist . "If you can fit a fist in there, you can prob fit an average-sized penis and an average-sized toy in the anus, more or less."
Here are some LELO toys Vrangalova recommends:
"It's good for manual manipulation," Vrangalova says. Use your hand to insert it and hold it in there, or move it in and out—whatever feels good.
If the receiving partner has a vagina, they can wear it during anal penetration. "It's easy to fit it into pretty much any position," she says.
You could "have the wand on clit and then either a penis or another toy anally," Vrangalova recommends.
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Back in the day, “butt stuff” may have been something only ever seen in porn or talked about by fraternity brothers. But now that anal sex has lost some of the stigma, the butt is finally getting the attention it deserves.
And while you might think anal play simply means sticking things up your butt (which, yes, is part of it), anal foreplay is just as important for ensuring a safe and pleasurable experience for all parties.
For starters, anal foreplay can happen by rimming your partner or giving/receiving an anal massage with a toy , finger, dildo , or penis. But keep in mind anal foreplay can absolutely be the main event—meaning nothing (not even penetration) has to come after it.
“Anal sex [of any kind] isn’t just for people interested in kink , but it’s great for all genders who want to ‘explore their sexual interest and desires,’” says erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven Taylor Sparks .
But just like you’ve gotta walk before you can run, it’s a good idea to do a lil research and prep work before diving into anal play. Not only will this help keep you safe, but it’ll ensure you have the best possible booty sexperience.
So, whether you’re just looking to change things up or just want to take your time with backdoor foreplay before you do dive into penetrative anal sex, here are 39 expert-recommended anal sex and foreplay tips for both first-timers and experienced butt explorers.
First and foremost, anal sex shouldn’t hurt. If it does, stop. Please. Sure, the sensation might feel a bit foreign, and you might be a little sore after, but pain isn’t supposed to be part of it. It should basically just feel like you might need to poop during the action. Lawrence Johnson, CEO and cofounder of the leading gay men’s lifestyle brand Pure for Men , says preparation and communication are essential to making it pleasurable and enjoyable. Above all, you need to “relax your muscles and breathe,” advises sexologist Emily Morse .
Anal sex isn’t inherently dirtier than other types of sex. In fact, Johnson says with a little preparation, you can expect “the most pleasurable, clean, and worry-free experience ever.” This is because, as clinical sexologist Kat Van Kirk explains, the anus and the lower part of the rectum actually have very little fecal material in them, which means it tends to not be nearly as dirty as you think. More details on how to ”prep” below.
The reason: “You can absolutely transmit STDs and STIs during anal sex,” Johnson explains. This is because not only is there skin-to-skin contact and exchange of fluids, but the lining of the anus can be damaged due to friction, making it susceptible to infection. That’s why you should always use condoms—not only with anal sex but with any type of intimacy where genital fluids are exchanged.
Another good reason to wear a condom? You actually can get pregnant from anal sex if you’re not careful with your cleanup. Depending on where (or if) your partner ejaculates, semen could leak down/out of your anus and get inside your vagina, resulting in a pregnancy . Now this is rare, but the hottest sex is the one you can feel safe about, so do what you can to eliminate unwanted reproductions like STIs and infants.
Going into anal sex, your first thought might be to give yourself an enema, and while clinical sexologist Nancy Sutton Pierce says anal douching is safe every once in a while, it’s a good practice to steer clear. “Douching destroys your rectal microbiome, so regular use is not recommended,” explains Fabian Prado, CMO and cofounder of Pure for Men . Prado also adds that anal douching may lead to higher rates of STD transmission , which is why skipping the enema and opting for a condom is the smart move. If you still want to clean up, some warm water splashed on your anus will give you a quick cleanse.
If you are skipping the enema but still want to feel as clean as possible, both Prado and Johnson recommend eating a high-fiber diet. “Fiber for staying ready is one of the best-kept secrets of the bottom community,” Johnson says. “Aside from its many other key health benefits, dietary fiber literally keeps your sh*t together and moves it out of your system with regularity.”
Having plenty of fiber—found in foods like berries, broccoli, and beans—will keep everything clean and regular. You can also opt for a fiber supplement like Pure for Her to ensure both your anal sex and your sheets stay clean.
While there’s no need to stress about fecal matter during anal sex—not only because these tips help eliminate that but also because you should have a trusting partner who supports you despite any poo—you might feel comfier going number two prior to doing the deed. Just make sure to clean well afterward and wash with soap if there’s going to be any mouth-to-anus action.
And speaking of pooping, Johnson and Prado say you can expect a lil soreness the first time you go after anal, but it shouldn’t hurt. “If you experience severe pain or digestive irregularities following anal sex, it’s recommended you seek medical advice and consult with your doctor,” Johnson advises.
Since the anus doesn’t self-lubricate like the vagina, using lube is vital for pleasurable (and safer!) sex. And while you might be tempted to grab some numbing lube that’s typically marketed for anal sex, Sparks highly advises avoiding those products. “Never, ever using a lubricant that numbs the anal sphincter,” she says. “This is the one place that you want to know what is painful so that you can stop whatever action you are taking, and not wait for the numbing lubricant/cream to wear off and realize there has been damage.”
Regardless of whether there’s any penetration going on, anything with anal requires lots of trust and relaxation, safety, and comfort, says sex and relationships expert Tia Evagelou . If you start down the anal path tense, you’re going to have a bad—or at least not as good—time. Take a few moments to relax and get in the right headspace. And if you find the idea is too stressful or uncomfy, you can absolutely say no to anal play at any point in time.
A series of safe words can include:
“Sometimes people try to [have sex] through [anal sex], instead of speaking up, because they don’t want to ruin the moment for the other partner or they don’t know how to formulate their needs and sometimes even override their body’s resistance, potentially adding more discomfort to the experience,” says Evagelou. Having preset safe words will make you and your partner feel supported and safer to explore.
“This can’t be emphasized enough,” says Evagelou. “When we are tense, contracting [our muscles], or disconnected from our experience, we are blocking our pathways to pleasure,” she adds. If you relax and breathe, you’ll likely be able to feel a more pleasurable sensation.
“Let them know what you are doing and ask for their permission to do so,” says Evagelou. This means both *before* you do something and *as* you’re doing it. It might take a bit longer, but it’s well worth it as it establishes trust, safety, and connection for both to have an enjoyable experience. Plus, active consent is sexy, so ask away!
While you might think the receiver takes a more passive role, have them guide the penetration to their satisfaction. This can feel empowering as they get to control the speed, depth, and angle of penetration in allowing their body to feel good, says Evagelou.
Vanessa Geffrard, MPH, a sexpert for Lovers , recommends silicone-based lube—like UberLube —as it lasts longer compared to water-based lubes. Plus, you’ll need less of it. Just keep in mind that not all silicone lubes are safe with silicone toys (some are and some aren’t, so there’s no flat rule for this unfortch). Your best bet is to Google the toy you’re working with to see if it’s silicone before squirting some lube on.
If trying anal foreplay with a partner is like your Olympics, it makes sense that you might want to try it beforehand in a lower-stakes environment. Geffrard recommends the Fun Factory Limba M Dildo as the smooth, bendable nature of the toy allows for easy angle changes to find what’s comfiest for you, and there’s a suction cup on the bottom allowing you to “practice” anywhere with a flat surface, like your bedroom or the shower.
Of course, having your period shouldn’t make you miss out on sex, but if you’re squeamish about having vaginal period sex, anal might be a good substitute in those times. “Many women report feeling more pleasure practicing anal sex during their periods while wearing a menstrual cup inside their vaginas,” says Mia Sabat, a sex therapist at Emjoy . The menstrual cup is thought to stimulate the internal walls of their vagina, which can be an added plus to the sensation of anal sex.
Foreplay is so important because you have to “ring the doorbell” before entering, explains Isharna Walsh, founder/creator of Coral , a sexual wellness app. “Massage and warm up the anus before entering anything inside,” she says. Be a good guest (even if it’s your own booty hole), and don’t just breakdown the door.
Some people who use toys learn to have a small handkerchief close by, so they can rest their toy on a “safe” spot when they aren’t using it, explains Angela Watson of DoctorClimax.com . Having little details like this worked out ahead of time can give you more freedom to enjoy the experience and not stress about little things.
It’s worth it to take 15 to 20 minutes to give the receiving partner a sacral massage (aka the portion of the lower back just above the butt crack), says Walsh. “The muscles and nerve endings in the sacrum extend to the whole pelvic girdle and can help release tension,” she adds. Plus, massages always feel good and anything relaxing is a bonus always.
“Having your back door be a part of sexual play does not mean you need to have anal sex ,” says Gigi Engle , sexpert for Womanizer. While internal stimulation can be great too, “you can achieve just as much pleasure without ever putting anything into the anus,” explains Engle. “Massage or lick around the anus,” she adds, as it’s full of nerve endings that can provide pleasure in and of itself.
“Having clitoral stimulation is super important during anal play because it helps a vulva-owner to relax and become fully aroused—both critical steps in enjoying butt stuff,” says Engle. Try a traditional vibrator or go for a suction toy like the Womanizer Liberty , both recommended by Engle.
Suction toys simulate oral sex , so while your partner might only be able to give you oral attention to one spot at a time, with a suction toy you can feel like they’re going down on your clit while they rim you.
Warming lube can help heighten pleasure and make you even more comfortable in the moment. “The heat that is created actually helps to bring blood flow to the area and help increase stimulation to the pleasure receptors in the rectum/anus,” explains Niket Sonpal, MD , of Brookdale Hospital Medical Center. The active ingredient in these heated lubricants is propylene glycol, says Dr. Sonpal, which is the same substance used in Fireball Whiskey. Some other brands use capsaicin, aka the active ingredient found in peppers.
In either case, heated lubricants
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