Anal Etiquette

Anal Etiquette
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Anal play, as you likely well know by now, is having its moment. Hell, even Vogue is writing about it, and Harvard is, like, teaching classes about the basics of butt-banging. But we can't all go to Harvard (and thank God for that), which means that the 101-type stuff that a lot of curious folks might benefit from isn't readily available. We thought we'd fix that.
The fact that doing it in the butt is all over the news is great for those among us who maybe want to try it but maybe haven't tried it, and maybe haven't the foggiest notion of how to bring it up to their partner. This presumes, of course, that you're a person who wants to demonstrate that you're a bit more smooth than a simple, "Hey babe? Wanna do it up the butt?" would indicate. In which case, use the news as a hook . "Hey babe? Did you see that article in Vogue about anal sex? I thought it was interesting—any chance that's something you're up for trying?" And, look, if the answer is no? Drop it. Don't be the guy who whines and wheedles his way into backdoor action. Or worse: The guy who sneak-attacks his lady. Do not sneak-attack us with your wang. If you sneak-attack us with your wang, it seems fair that we should be able to sneak-attack your wang with a machete in response.
If you will be receiving, there are a few preparatory acts you might want to perform. If you'll be doing the giving, it's not a bad idea to take a look at these tips anyway so that, if need be, you can offer them to your partner.
The first is rather obvious, but still worth stating: Go sit on the pot and clear your bowels . You may also want to wash; a washcloth and mild soap are best for this, and employing your fingers to clear debris out of your butthole is also suggested. Somewhat related to this: Avoid foods that tend to cause gastric distress.
Some people chose to perform an enema to clear their pipes; if you go that route, here are a few best practices:
Using condoms will help to make cleanup easier and is absolutely recommended for partners who are not exclusive to ensure that your sexually health remains, well, healthy.
Regardless of whether or not you use a condom, lube is an absolute must, because the anus doesn't produce natural lubrication the way a vagina does. It's also worth trying out a few different kinds of lube to find the one you like best—many brands offer sample-sized packages of lube, often free of charge, which are great for experimenting. If there's a sex shop in your area, definitely ask if they offer free samples or sell individual-use packages. Asking (or, let's be honest, Googling) for recommendations is a good idea, too, but remember that the choice of lube is a very personal and individual thing, so take recs with a grain of salt. Some people will swear up, down, and sideways that Astroglide is far, far superior to, say, KY Jelly, while others vastly prefer the latter over the former. And on and on and on with all the other options out there.
In terms of applying the lube, fingers work quite nicely and can also serve to warm the area up, so to speak, for the larger insertion that's about to come. If you're finding that the lube is making a mess of your sheets and such (we'll talk more about clean-up soon), a Lube Shooter Lubricant Delivery Device (yes) (I have gone to some dark, dark places on the internet in service of bringing you this information) is a thing that exists in this world to address that very problem.
If you take nothing else away from this portion of the proceedings, let it be this: Start slowly. Make sure your partner is comfortable. Anal sex shouldn't be excruciatingly painful, or even mildly painful. It might be a bit uncomfortable at first, and that is normal, but there shouldn't be any significant unpleasantness involved. Once insertion is complete, you can start picking up speed, but be really (really, really, really) sure throughout to stay extra (extra, extra, extra) aware of how your partner is doing.
In terms of managing both pleasure and pain, try out different positions. Oh, sure, there are a bunch of them! Most people think of doggystyle, which is quite common, but there's also bottom-flat-on-stomach, and good old missionary. This illustrated guide to 20 different anal sex positions is pretty nifty, so have a looksee through that for more ideas. (NSFW, obvs!) ( Editor's note: Do not attempt the position depicted in the photo. )
And finally, even if you and your bottom are seasoned pros, on some occasions, anal might just not be in the cards. For whatever reasons, there may be times when it just hurts—you should know that that happens and be ready to move on to an alternate act if and when that is the case.
This is among the more important pieces of information I can provide, so do whatever you need to do to commit it to memory: When it's time to finish, don't assume it's okay to do inside of your partner. That's probably true of all sexual acts (R-E-S-P-E-C-T), but it's especially important with backdoor play, because semen can have a laxative effect, which can lead to accidents. (If you're using a condom, this advice is non-applicable for obvious reasons.)
Speaking of condoms! If you've used one, you should be ready for it to come out looking a little poopy. It might not! But you should anticipate that it will, and do that whole "expect the best, but prepare for the worst" thing. If the idea of that doesn't make you flinch, great. You're fine; bang away. If the thought of a shit-stained used condom makes you want to die, though, consider using a black rubber. Lifestyles makes them , and probably a few other brands too. (Got a fave? By all means tell us!)
The mention of that condom brings us nicely back to the promised discussion of cleanup.
I mentioned the lube shooter, which can help to cut down on the amount of mess caused by lube. But if you do find yourself with a set of lube-stained sheets, here's some info for you, courtesy of me, writing in Redbook . (I know! Redbook , who knew?)
Personal lubricants can enhance solo and partnered sex, but can also create a huge mess. Water-based lube stains should come out with regular laundering, but to be on the safe side, it's not a bad idea to use a stain treatment product if you've got one. Silicone-based lubricants are trickier, so bear that in mind when making purchasing decisions. If you do find yourself with a silicone-based lube stain on your sheets or clothing, try to treat it as soon as you can, as fresher stains will be more likely to come out than set-in ones. As for what to treat those stains with? Citrus degreasers are one good choice, as are carburetor treatment products. Yes, we're serious.
If backdoor play leads to leakage or an out-and-out accident, first and foremost, remain composed. Shit, as they say, happens. And you should know going in that shit happening is a very real possibility with anal, so if you can't handle it if shit does happen, maybe anal isn't the sexual act for you. That is okay! Just know and be honest with yourself so you don't wind up making someone feel bad and gross. (I'm sorry that I even need to say this, but, you know, people are terrible: Don't make someone feel bad and gross before, during, or after a sex act, unless that's part of the sex act, and they've requested and consented to being made to feel bad and gross.)
Small messes can be spot-cleaned. Here, dish soap and a sponge (but not the one you use to do dishes, because poop!) are really all you need to execute a quick cleanup. If you don't clean up the staining immediately, hit it with a laundry pre-treatment product like Zout before laundering. Borax is another product that is swell at eliminating fecal stains—in the event that you wind up with a bigger mess to clean up, go ahead and soak the sheets in hot water and a quarter-cup or so of Borax before laundering to help remove the stains.
Now let's get out there and fuck some butts.
Adequate Man is Deadspin's new self-improvement blog, dedicated to making you just good enough at everything. Suggestions for future topics are welcome below.

Anal etiquette for ladies? (Sorry I know this gets asked a lot)
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I know this gets asked a lot! My boyfriend and I really enjoy anal, but I'm not sure how to make it "cleaner" down there for him? Tips or tricks? Please?
Give yourself 10cc (10ml, 1/3 oz) of water-based lube as an enema with a lubed, needle-less syringe. Wait at most 30 minutes for you to evacuate everything -- but it shouldn't take that long, about 5 minutes. It will get rid of all the poop and prevent anything from sticking to the penis/condom. It's what they use for anal porn. You could do 2 of these water-based lube enemas if it's still a problem, but I very much doubt it will be.
Also, don't eat or eat lightly for quite some hours before doing anal sex. Wash the external part of the anus with water and soap, too, that's what bidets are for.
Don't take too many enemas, or else you won't be able to poop without them. Also, too many enemas can ruin the flora in your colon, which is crucial to your good health. There's some debate about what enemas are best for prolonged use -- a medical saline solution seems to be the best to conserve colon flora, in my opinion, and is very cheap -- but water-based lube enemas are the best for clean anal sex; you only need a comparatively small amount and it won't come out as explosively as it does with water.
Everything I've ever read says just use warm tap water in your enema, which works pretty well in my experience.
There's the slight risk of a benovelent bacterial infection for him if he doesn't us a condom, but no amount of enema is going to take care of that for you.
A wet wipe. A poop a few hours before. A condom. You're all set.
Porn stars do two aenemas the day of anal.
The cleaner the better, it will help prevent against him getting a UTI, assuming you aren't wearing condoms. But just so everyone knows, guys should totally wear condoms for anal sex, not just to prevent STDs(which is important), but to prevent a UTI. They are a serious health concern.
Make sure you poop prior, or you'll get the urge to poop during.
Make sure to clean your butt hole area very well (this goes without saying...I'm sure you do this any way)
Last but not least, shave/wax down there. It'll be easier and cleaner for both you and him.
One optional thing is to bleach your cornhole, but that's only for aesthetics. I personally loved that my gf bleached her asshole, it looked really nice. But it's not necessary at all. It's not even expected.
Could always do an enema in the morning. (Do this a few hours before, not immediately before because it can take a while for it to all come out.) Then wash in the shower and you're good to go.
Hhmmmmf.. women don't understand, us guys don't care if we get some shit on our dicks, unless were not into anal. Trust me, atop caring, and when he's done turn around and say wow u ducked the shit out of me
True dat. If a man is willing to take the dirt road, he's willing to get a dirty.

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Anal A Proper Young Woman's Guide to Anal Etiquette Ch. 10
A Proper Young Woman's Guide to Anal Etiquette Ch. 10
The Wilders complete their anal exams.
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Previously in The Dermott Clinic, Part I:
Laura and her two youngest daughters – Cora and Emily – began their semi-annual physicals at the Dermott Women's Clinic. For Laura, this is something that she's experienced dozens of times over the previous few decades; although she's been lax in maintaining a proper schedule for the past few years. For her two daughters, this is their first experience undergoing a full physical for an adult female. Laura was assigned the buxom and bubbly Nurse Melissa and the two felt an instant connection. Conversely, Cora and Emily were assigned the sadistic [and anally inept] Nurse Lana and are not enjoying their first physical anywhere near as much as their mother.
Is it love at first site for Melissa and Laura, will they just fuck, or will nurse/patient professionalism win out? Will Lana be punished for her heavy-handedness or get put through remedial anal training for her rectal ineptitude? Let's find out together...
"Alright, Cora, you just sit here comfortably and rest up for a few minutes while I get Emily situated on one of our ADVerS," Lana said as she unlocked the wheels of Emily's Multi-purpose Gynecological Chair and started to push the cute brunette's younger redheaded sister out of the examination room. Not that there was any chance that the tightly bound and distinctly uncomfortable Cora would get much rest in her current position on her own MGC. "I'll be back soon enough to fetch you for your own evaluation."
As the equally well bound Emily neared the glass door that let into the hall, she began to get a little nervous. "'Nurse' Lana, shouldn't I get covered up with a sheet or something?
"I'm still naked!" she added after a few heartbeats.
The sadistic, blonde nurse only smiled to herself at her young patient's naivety. "Of course you're still naked, silly! All patients here at the Dermott Women's Clinic remain naked from the start of their procedures until the end. Messing around with sheets or hospital gowns would be a waste of time. Don't you think?"
"Oh, that reminds me! Patients must be gagged when outside of their examination rooms. Have you been taught to deep-throat yet?"
"A little, but I'm not very good at it yet."
"Well, we'll just go with a standard ball gag then," said Lana, with just a trace of disappointment as she walked over to the counter to fetch a hermetically-sealed rubber ball gag. Undoubtedly, a medium gag would have silenced the cute eighteen year old well enough, but the blonde nurse selected a large gag just for the hell of it. Stepping back over to the restrained teenager, she commanded, "Open wide please."
It took some effort on Lana's part, as well as some pain-filled whining from Emily, but the slightly too large mass of rubber eventually managed to seat itself behind the youngsters teeth. There was no way Emily would be able to dislodge it without the use of her hands – which were unhelpfully securely restrained behind her head. Regardless, the mean-spirited nurse lifted the girl's head to buckle the gag's straps in place – much tighter than necessary, of course.
Emily closed her eyes and tried to adjust to the unfamiliar pain. Her jaw felt like it was on the verge of dislocating. Her mother never gagged her during training and only rarely for punishment. In fact, Laura taught all her daughters to vocalize their suffering as much as possible in response to whatever stimulation was visited upon their bodies. They were encouraged to cry out in pain, weep openly, beg for mercy – that would never come – and, lastly, to scream out in ecstasy once their bodies finally surrendered to the agonizing sensations and achieved mind-blowing orgasms.
Emily was getting tired of the pain Lana seemed to enjoy inflicting on her and her sister. When were the orgasms supposed to start? She hoped soon.
"We're also supposed to transport our patients flat. The MGCs are more stable that way; lower center of mass and all," commented Lana as she dropped Emily backwards from a forty five degree semi-sitting position to one that was level with the floor.
Satisfied that her young charge was properly secured for transport, Lana started the MGC in motion once again. As the exam room's door opened automatically and the petite eighteen year old was swung out into the hallway. She was still bound as she had been when her examination started: Legs pulled backwards and apart so that her knees were in line with her chest; her lower legs sticking out at a ninety degree angle from her body; Emily's arms pulled over the top of her head and backwards. The multiple straps were strategically placed so as not to interfere with here wide open lower holes, abdomen, or naked breasts.
Emily was appalled! Now she was to be pushed down a hallway full of nurses and other patients with her sore and gaping asshole leading the way! In her current position, she couldn't even see where they were going unless she strained her neck to look down between her sweaty 32B tits and widely separated legs. She almost died of embarrassment when they passed the first nurse heading in the opposite direction. Emily was positive that the attractive honey blonde nurse was staring right at her wet pussy and up her dilated anus!
And the breeze! That cool breeze shooting right up her butt was finally removing the last of the heat from her previous scalding hot enema. It was also hardening her pink nipples noticeably.
"I think someone is enjoying her trip a little too much," joked Lana as she reached down to tweak Emily's right nipple. Just for good measure, she pulled the pink nub away from Emily's chest – hard – only to let go. She enjoyed the sight of the teenager's firm breasts jiggle as the nipple snapped back to its proper position. "I think the other one is jealous, don't you?"
Emily didn't answer as her left nipple was subjected to an identical tweaking.
"I asked you a question, young lady," Lana said sternly. Her pretty face scoured up into a frown as her hand returned to her charge's right nipple.
"Unngh!" Emily replied and then gasped as her nipple was yanked even harder away from her body. The sounds weren't much, but they were all she could ma
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