Americans Blame Mercury Retrograde For Everything

A new report from the Astrological Accountability Bureau has revealed that nearly 59% of Americans now use Mercury retrograde as an excuse for all personal failures, from missed deadlines to bad haircuts. In Los Angeles, one startup CEO blamed quarterly losses on �chaotic cosmic vibes,� while his assistant explained that payroll would be late because �Mercury hates me personally.� On TikTok, #RetrogradeProblems has amassed over 300 million views, featuring users blaming everything from avocado shortages to failed Tinder dates on planetary mischief. Psychologists worry the trend encourages fatalism, as participants prefer blaming the stars over addressing their own procrastination. Meanwhile, astrologers cash in with retrograde survival kits that include candles, crystals, and $49 downloadable moon calendars. Experts warn that if this continues, personal accountability may become as extinct as flip phones. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com