American Double Penetration
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American Double Penetration
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I admitted that I didn't want the intimate, tender lovemaking that typified my bedroom. Instead, I found books and movies where women are sexually ravished and even aggressively taken exciting. And I judged myself for it.
Author of "She Dated the Asshats, But Married the Good Guy: How to Go From Toxic Love to Real Love in 12 Exercises."
May 18, 2015, 06:28 PM EDT | Updated May 18, 2016
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Author of "She Dated the Asshats, But Married the Good Guy: How to Go From Toxic Love to Real Love in 12 Exercises."
A month or so back, I found myself in a gay club dancing with lovely men who made me feel fun, sexy and beautiful, but had absolutely no interest in tempting me away from my domestic haven.
However, I came home from that experience feeling restless and mid-life crisis-y.
I realized my 17-year relationship (now-marriage) had some predictable sexual patterns, which happens in any long-term relationship. But suddenly, I felt a strong compulsion to break free of those patterns. (Could it be turning 50?)
Though I wanted to shake things up, I knew swinging, polyamory or, in turn-of-the-century Lady Mary/"Downton Abbey" vernacular, "taking a lover" would be the death knell of my treasured marriage, therefore not the kind of "shaking things up" I wanted to do.
What makes my husband so incredibly badass is that when I said, "I think I'm having a midlife crisis. I'm sexually bored." He instantly replied, "Let's do something about it!"
Realizing it was my issue, not his, I went to see my former font-of-wisdom (a.k.a. therapist) and admitted that I didn't want the intimate, tender lovemaking that typified my bedroom. Instead, I found books and movies where women are sexually ravished and even aggressively taken exciting. And that I judged myself for it.
I've been a sex columnist, which suggests Sexual Libertine , but in many ways I'm repressed. I was raised Mormon, so my psychological, sexual landscape has definitely been impacted by the sexual repression in that culture leaving me to to frequent battle with the Morality Police, priggish Jacques and Ferrar, that live inside my head.
My therapist, who is often a place of temperate permission, explained that she believes, and I quote:
She cited a recent documentary on the endangered big cat, the Canadian Lynx, where she described how aggressive the male is with the female during the mating ritual.
The male will bite the female's neck, scratching her and holding her down forcefully. My doc surmised that humans most likely have a genetic or biological sexual impulse that is very similar to that of animals.
After my session, whilst googling the keyphrase: What do Women Want in Bed? I stumbled on a recent Ask Men article titled, 5 Things Women Secretly Want In Bed . Two of them made my Morality Police, irascible Jacques and Ferrar, take note.
#1 Get Aggressive In Bed: Just about every woman I encountered had the words 'more aggressive sex' rolling off her tongue. From being tied up and spanked to having their hair pulled and being mildly asphyxiated, the women were quite enthusiastic about aggressive sex. Of course, I'm not implying that you should go home and smack your (lady) up, but instead, maybe a little roughing in the bedroom can work wonders for your sex life.
#3 Treat Her Like A Prostitute: (Shannon here: this language might offend the feminists in many of us. But I agree with the spirit of the note.)
Ah, fantasies, the beauty of them lies in the fact that many are not realized. But as one woman put it: 'I am tired of being that precious lady in the bedroom. I'm tired of making love and doing things gently all the time.' (Shannon quietly raises hand)
'I want him to have raunchy sex with me and talk to me as though he just met me and cares nothing about what I want. I want him to ravish me like an animal and tell me to be quiet whenever I try to say something.'
I guess, in the end, there are plenty of women who want to be, for lack of a better word, slutty in the bedroom. They simply fear that if they behave in such a manner, then their men will think less of them, and some are even afraid that their men will mistakenly begin treating them differently outside the bedroom as well. All the same, many women are big fans of scenarios such as the one described.
In the last quote I particularly appreciate that the author has made a distinction between what women like in bed versus what they prefer in real life.
All of this is food for thought and a catalyst to ex-communicate the puritanical, prudish, Victorian Jacques and Ferrar with regards to my midlife ennui.
I recognize that my sexual relationship with my husband hasn't stopped growing. It's been stunted a bit by the last 13 years of raising children, but there is nothing that says we can't pick up the reins and continue to grow and even surprise each other as the years unfold.
I think the ace we have up our sleeve is genuine goodwill toward each other and a willingness to communicate, even the trickiest most vulnerable, uncomfortable stuff.
If you want to keep up with Shannon you can Opt-In to her Relationship Sensei Newsletter HERE.
Author of "She Dated the Asshats, But Married the Good Guy: How to Go From Toxic Love to Real Love in 12 Exercises."
Posted on January 29, 2016
- By
Meg Butler
Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN
You may have thought you knew all of the star-studded TMI, but these celebrities are about to take sex talk to a new level. Amber Rose and Kanye West aren’t the only ones who put their backdoor business on front street. And now we’re wondering if everyone in tinsel town has some bedroom habits and fetishes they’d like to share.
We never would have guessed in a million years that anal play was quite so popular behind closed doors in Hollywood. But we would have been wrong on several counts if we would have assumed it wasn’t true. These celebrities were very upfront about what they like out back. And all of our jaws are still on the floor. You’ll never believe which red carpet regulars like backdoor action — and how comfortable they are with telling people what they really like in the bedroom.
Amber Rose made sure that if we didn’t know how Kanye West got down before, now we know …
If you haven’t heard this hilarious exchange between Charlamagne Tha God and Nicki Minaj, it’s time to tune in.
He wouldn’t mind eating hers, likes his munched on, and isn’t afraid to give all of the hilarious details about how it goes down.
We’ll just leave this quote from 2009 right here:
“I like fu–ing a–! Ain’t nothin’ like the butthole. The a– is a delicacy, goddamn it. I’d put hot sauce on it. When you eat the brown hole, that’s when her toes do this.” [Sticks legs out and curls toes]
His song “Post To Be” had the whole world singing about eating the booty “like groceries.” And according to the red carpet confession of his girlfriend, Apryl Jones, he might do a lot more than just sing about it…
Curtis Jackson told Howard Stern that he had his salad tossed once (he would later claim it was Vivica) and called it an “experience.”:
“I was getting a blowjob, then she just went further then she had to.”
He made a whole song about eating “ Cake .”
Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you the founder of Eat A Booty Day .
Just in case there was any confusion, rapper Chris Brown celebrated Eat A Booty Day by posting this photo to his Instagram page.
Rapper Kevin Gates said in a viral video that “Real ni–as eat booty… I don’t get tired!”
Amber Rose may not be the only one to out her ex’s sexual proclivities. Back in 2012, somebody leaked Olivia Munn’s dirty text messages to Chris Pine, which included such gems as “lick my tight a–hole.” And since it happened suspiciously close to leaked pictures of the pair on a dinner date — and Munn’s vehement denial that they ever dated — a lot of people suspect that the leak might have been by Pine.
Be famous and eat booty and someone’s sure to tell everyone. Even Lance Armstrong was snitched on by comedian April Macie. She told Howard Stern that she once walked in on her friend with her tongue all the way inside Lance Armstrong’s salad — and then he offered her the opportunity to do the same. She politely declined .
One anonymous woman released a letter with a ton of Drake tea, including the claim that he really likes tossed salad — giving and receiving.
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