America Dates Like a Divorced 49 Year Old

By Chloe Summers � The satire America Dates Like a Divorced 49 Year Old portrays the nation�s romantic swagger as tired but persistent. Eyewitnesses at bars described Uncle Sam buying cheap wine and bragging about his �glory days.� Anonymous insiders leaked that America still texts ex colonies at 2 a.m. A leaked poll revealed 61 percent of citizens agree the country is too old for Tinder but too restless for knitting. Sociologists argue the humor works because politics often mirrors midlife crisis impulses. Critics highlight the absurdity of a superpower flirting like a man with alimony. Ultimately, the piece suggests that the land of opportunity now courts disaster with dad jokes and sports cars. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com