Amateur Bi Mmf
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Amateur Bi Mmf
“Should I tell her the truth or just let her believe our MMF threesome would be my first time with a guy?” Plus, dream interpretation.
by
Dan Savage
June 18th, 2020 July 22nd, 2021
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I’m a 32-year-old straight guy. My wife and I have been married for four years and together for nine. We have a great marriage and all is well. We have been quarantining at home since March. During this time, we have been exploring things sexually, which has been really fun. We have also been talking more about our kinks and fantasies. One thing my wife really wants to try is an MMF threesome. I’ve agreed and she’s been talking about how hot it will be to make this happen once quarantine is over. She is particularly turned on by the fact that this would be my first sexual experience with another guy. The only issue is, in reality, it won’t be. The truth is that when I was in high school, a guy friend and I fooled around a few times. I have no regrets but those experiences only served to reaffirm that I preferred women. I never did anything with another guy and I never felt the need to mention these early experiences to my wife. She just assumed I had never had a same-sex encounter. Now I feel like I’ve misled her or lied to her somehow. Should I tell her the truth or just let her believe our MMF threesome would be my first time with a guy? —Nervously Omitted Homosexual Occurrences, Mostly Oral
If your wife reads my column, NOHOMO, then you’ve just told her the truth, and the advice that follows is moot. So here’s hoping she doesn’t read my column: You don’t have to tell your wife about the handful/mouthful of times you messed around with another guy in high school. If you’re like most straight guys with one or two cocks in your past, NOHOMO, I’m guessing you didn’t tell the wife because you didn’t want her to feel insecure or spend all her free time corresponding with advice columnists about whether her husband is secretly gay.
In fairness to the wife, NOHOMO, not every woman whose straight-identified male partner admits to a little same-sex messing around worries her boyfriend or husband is going to leave her for a dude or all the dudes. But this worry is common enough to be something of cliché. A straight guy doesn’t even have to admit to having sucked one dick one time for his wife or girlfriend to worry he’s secretly gay; I get at least one letter every day from a woman who’s worried her husband is gay because he likes to have his nipples played with or his butt touched or because he has feelings. So while it’s not ideal that straight or mostly straight guys don’t feel they can be honest with their wives about their long ago and far away same-sex experimentation, NOHOMO, it’s understandable that many straight guys err on the side of keeping that shit to themselves.
But your question isn’t, “Why didn’t I tell her then?” but rather, “Should I tell her now?” And I don’t think you have to. She wasn’t harmed by this omission—you didn’t deprive her of information she was entitled to—and disclosing now would only serve to deprive her of something, i.e., the excitement she feels about being there to witness what she thinks is your first same-sex encounter. —Dan Savage
My wife questions my use of the word gay as being potentially offensive and I’d like to get your take. I’m male and my male friends like to flirt and joke about performing sex acts on each other. We’ve never actually carried through with it but I consider myself on the “spectrum” and might be open to gay sex. My male friends and I say we’re being or acting gay (though we’re all practicing heterosexuals) and this is where my wife takes issue. For example, I might say, “We’re so gay!” in our conversations but the word is used in a positive way. My wife makes the point that the word has a history of being used negatively, so may be considered offensive, and should only be used casually by people who are more legit gay. Should I stop using the word gay this way? —Gay Poser
Jesus, just suck off one of your male friends already—just get it over with—and then you have my permission to keep using “gay” as a compliment, GP. —DS
I’m a 35-year-old seemingly straight man, but in the past year—roughly corresponding with the longest sex drought in the history of my adulthood—I have had recurring wet dreams where I suck myself off. Probably a dozen or so of these dreams, all up, and I very much enjoy both sides of the transaction. What do you think it means? Am I witnessing the stirrings of some latent bisexuality or am I just desperate? Should I heed the call? —Originally Unilateral Regarding Oral But Oneiromancy Reveals Opening Sexuality
I usually don’t allow elaborate signoffs, OUROBOROS, but I’m making an exception for yours because it’s brilliant. (To save my other readers the trouble of Googling: “oneiromancy” is the interpretation of dreams to predict the future and an “ouroboros” is an image of a snake swallowing its own tail, often used as an infinity symbol.) That said, I’m not sure there’s really any call to heed here—other than a call to start doing the kind of stretching that would allow you to suck your own cock if you were able to get limber enough and your cock were long enough. But a desire to suck one’s own cock—or even an attempt, successful or not—doesn’t mean a man is latently bisexual or gay. I assume you’ve been masturbating for more than two decades, OUROBOROS, and just as there’s nothing gay about all those handjobs you’ve given yourself, there’s nothing gay about the blowjobs you can only dream about giving yourself. —DS
I’m that rare gay man who doesn’t like sucking dick. It wasn’t hard for my VGL husband to find guys who wanted to blow him before quarantine and for years I didn’t ask about it because I didn’t want to know the details. But I knew he had videos on his phone of some guys blowing him that he sometimes watched and I recently asked to watch one and I was completely shocked. It wasn’t just a blowjob. He spat in the guy’s face, called him homophobic names, and was just generally brutal. The intensity and violence wasn’t something I’ve ever detected in my husband or been on the receiving end from my husband. When I pressed my husband he shrugged and said, “That’s how a lot of guys like it.” I’m not sure what to do. —Gay And Gloomy Guy Extremely Disturbed
I read your letter three times and I still can’t tell whether you’re appalled or jealous. Do you disapprove of your husband treating someone that way or are you disappointed that your husband has never treated you that way? If it’s the former, well, don’t watch any more videos of your husband throat fucking his subby cocksuckers. If it’s the latter (and I suspect it is), GAGGED, then you’re going to need to figure out how to articulate that clearly—something you failed to do in your letter—so you can tell your husband you’d like it like that, too. Not being used for oral like that, of course, since you don’t like performing oral sex. But maybe you’d like anal like that? —DS
Dear readers: This is gonna feel a little weird stuck on the end of this week’s column, I realize, but I wanted to say something about the protests all over the country and the world. While I haven’t been able to personally attend a Black Lives Matters protest over the last two weeks—I have deeply shitty lungs and I’m concerned about contracting coronavirus—I fully support everyone who has taken to the streets to protest the violence of systemic racism and the specific violence inflicted on black people by racist cops. And while I can’t be at the protests, my husband and I made a donation to bail funds across the country to help out people who were arrested. (You can donate at actblue.com/donate/bailfunds .) Please keep marching, please wear your masks (they work!), and please—please—make sure you and everyone you know is registered to vote. —DS
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The Square, Corfe Castle, Wareham, Dorset BH20 5EZ
One of Britain's most majestic ruins and once a controlling gateway through the Purbeck Hills, the castle boasts breathtaking views and several waymarked walks. The demolition of the castle in 1646 by the Parliamentarians marked the end of a rich history as both fortress and royal residence. With its fallen walls and secret places, it is a place to explore, a giant playground for children of all ages. The crumbling ruins and subtle invasion by plants and animals, along with its almost ethereal quality as light and weather change, all contribute to the unique atmosphere of Corfe Castle. Note: steep, uneven slopes, steps and sudden drops.
Uncover the secrets of Dorset's iconic medieval monument.
Discover how royalty, warfare and nature have shaped the castle.
Spot the 'murder holes' and count the arrow loops.
Open-air theatre and cinema. Enid Blyton's birthday celebration (11 August). Family and general tours. Castle Quests during school holidays. Living History events and jester fun days. Dogs: welcome on a short lead
Corfe Castle has had a long and eventful history. Positioned strategically in the gap between the Purbeck hills, it was perfect for defending inland Dorset against attack from the sea. The surrounding agricultural lands and forests were rich, and could be used to provide food and resources for the Castle. Not surprisingly, therefore, Corfe Castle was a royal fortress for over 600 years.
In 978, before the present Castle was built, legend has it that King Edward the Martyr was murdered at Corfe by his stepmother who wanted to put her own son, Ethelred ‘the Unready’, on the throne. While stag hunting in the Purbeck forest, Edward paid a visit to Corfe, where Elfryda is said to have offered him a goblet of wine, then treacherously had him stabbed in the back while he drank it.
Corfe Castle was begun by William the Conqueror soon after his arrival in Britain in 1066. It was served by the surrounding community in return for the use of homes and land, as well as shelter in the Castle in times of trouble. Much of the Isle of Purbeck was a Royal Forest so the hunting of game without royal permission was punishable by death.
Corfe was one of King John’s favourite castles. Between 1199 and 1216 he added a great many defences. During his troubled reign the castle was often used as a prison, where many prisoners met their deaths. King John also turned Corfe Castle into a comfortable royal residence. There would have been a garden and a kitchen to grow and prepare food for the king’s table.
From the 14th to the 16th centuries, Corfe Castle was less important as a royal stronghold and often fell into disrepair. In 1572 Queen Elizabeth I sold it to her Lord Chancellor, Sir Christopher Hatton, who converted it into a prestigious home, complete with fine furniture, tapestries and silk cushions. In 1635 Corfe Castle was bought by Sir John Bankes.
Following the death of her husband during the Civil War, Lady Mary Bankes successfully defended the castle during a siege in 1643. During a second siege in 1646 an act of betrayal by a member of her garrison led to their capture. They deliberately demolished the castle resulting in the dramatic ruin you see today.Much of the missing stone can be found in the houses of Corfe Castle Village.
Corfe Castle and The National Trust
The task of The National Trust today is to protect and strengthen what remains of the Castle. Archaeological excavations are being used to reveal more of the castle’s past. Corfe Castle is part of the huge Kingston Lacy estate left to The National Trust in 1981 by Ralph Bankes, a direct descendant of Sir John Bankes.
From kings to ravens, ladies to peasants, Corfe Castle has offered sanctuary to people from many walks of life during its history. Discover all this and more among the Castle ruins.
Whet your appetite with these five highlights from the Castle:
Corfe Castle is strategically positioned on top of a steep chalk mound, surrounded by a defensive ditch. The Castle's defenders could prepare for any attack on the Purbeck Hills coming from Poole Harbour on the South Purbeck Coast.
The position of the Castle, high on the mound, made it appear almost impenetrable to invading forces. The Corfe Castle of the 21st century is very different to that of its early life. Today, there are still magnificent views over the surrounding countryside, but they are enjoyed by tourists, rather than kings, queens and knights.
Though the Castle now lies in ruins, many of its defences can still be seen today. The Castle's first line of defence, the Outer Gatehouse, now welcomes visitors, not enemies. Look up from the South-west Gatehouse and you will see murderholes, where defending soldiers would have poured rocks on their enemies.
With walls punctured by arrow-slits and crowned with the remnants of the battlement, it is no wonder the Castle was known as 'the most secure of all English Castles'.
Today, the Castle terraces are far removed from the hustle and bustle of medieval times. However they do prove very popular with visitors. Families often picnic on the grass, and more often than not, can be seen rolling down the slopes!
Following the fall of the Castle, much of the stone was removed and used to build the neighbouring village. The Castle was then left for nature to reclaim.
Wild flowers thrived on the grassy terraces, and ivy began to climb the walls. Soon Victorian tourists began flocking to the Castle to enjoy the picturesque and romantic ruin. You can still enjoy the magic of the Castle today.
The Castle is perfect for adventurers of any age. From the depths of the dungeon to the highest point on the hill, the Castle is full of interesting nooks and crannies ripe for investigating.
Imagine having to defend the Castle as you peer through the arrow-slits, discover what it was like to live within the Castle during medieval times, and of course re-enact sword battles to defend your picnic from hungry raiders!
The Corfe Castle and Purbeck estate covers about 8,000 acres of the Isle of Purbeck and includes an extensive stretch of coastline, including such delights as Studland Beach, Old Harry Rocks, Dancing Ledge and Seacombe Cove.
Nearby Kingston Lacy has a past that is inextricably linked with the history of the Castle. Following the dramatic fall of Corfe Castle, Kingston Lacy was built as the new family home by Ralph, the second son of Sir John and Lady Mary Bankes.
If you want to find out more about 'Brave Dame Mary' and her family, Kingston Lacy is well worth a trip.
Whet your appetite with these highlights from the estate:
Studland beach and nature reserve is home to many rare birds and invertebrates. Drop into the visitor centre to find out more about the Studland nature trails and birds, plants, snakes and lizards you might see. While you are there, don't forget about the three miles of sandy beach!
The charming village of Corfe Castle nestles at the foot of the mound. Stone from the Castle was pillaged to build the village as we see it today. The nearby Corfe Common is a haven for botanists and historians. Much of the land has not been ploughed for centuries and as such is rich in wild flowers, stone age flint workings and bronze age burial mounds.
Purbeck's heathland is home to many rare plants and creatures. All of the heathland is designated as a Site of Special Scientific Interest and as such is carefully managed to maintain natural biodiversity and to protect the heath for future generations.
During the medieval period Purbeck was intensively quarried for its distinctive limestone. Purbeck stone can be seen around the country, including in famous buildings such as Westminster Abbey. Today, the remaining quarries serve as a reminder of the importance of Purbeck stone, not only to the local economy but also to Britain's architectural heritage.
The Dorset coastline is extremely honoured to be classified as a World Heritage site, known as the Jurassic Coast. You can turn amateur dinosaur hunter and spend some enjoyable hours foraging on the beach for evidence of prehistoric life.
A castle's history is nothing without the inhabitants. If the walls could talk, they would undoubtedly speak of the treachery and bloodshed that had taken place inside the Castle. Here are just a few of the many colourful characters that we know had some involvement with the Castle:
Legend has it that Corfe was the scene of Edward the Martyr's murder in 978. The teenage king is said to have been on a hunting trip in Purbeck, when he was set upon and stabbed. The order for his death supposedly came from Elfryda, his wicked step-mother, so that her son Ethelred could succeed to the throne.
King John built on Corfe Castle's formidable reputation during his reign - as he used the Castle as a royal treasury. Treasure wasn't the only thing the wayward king kept there though. He also used the Castle to imprison his niece, Princess Eleanor (the Fair Maid of Brittany). John spent much time and money improving the Castle's defences.
During his reign, Edward I re-modelled the Castle's Outer Gatehouse. He made it two storeys high with ramparts above, three sets of arrow-slits, a drawbridge, a murderhole, a portcullis, another murderhole, a thick oak gate and drawbar, extra guards and even added another portcullis! By the end of the refit, the Castle was absolutely impregnable. In Edward I's reign the Constable of Corfe Castle was the fourth highest paid Constable in England, highlighting the Castle's importance in the medieval period.
Elizabeth I and Sir Christopher Hatton
By 1572 the Castle had become a country house rather than a fortress. Elizabeth I sold the Castle to her friend and Chancellor, Sir Christopher Hatton, thereby ending its 500 years as a royal home.
During the 17th century, the Castle was home to the Bankes family, who were staunch Royalists. Following the outbreak of the Civil War, the Castle was attacked by Parliamentarians. With Sir John away from the Castle, defending the home fell to Lady Bankes and her family, 80 defenders, a cannon and some loyal servants. They successfully held the Castle. Two years later however, during a second siege, Lady Bankes was betrayed by one of her garrison, Col. Pitman. Lady Bankes survived the siege and moved to her family home in Middlesex. She died there 1667.
As with the Tower of London, Corfe always had resident ravens. Many believed that something terrible would happen if the ravens left the castle. According to local legend, that is exactly what happened in 1638. In 1643, during the Civil War, Corfe was besieged by Cromwell's men, and three years after the Castle was all but destroyed.
Whether the ravens knew of the troubled future of the Castle, we cannot say, but they are definitely back - even though the Castle is crumbling!
Ravens have been seen roosting and trying to nest aroun
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