Always Horny
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Always Horny
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We updated this article to include information about what to do when you’re horny and how to stop being horny.
Why do I get hornier before my period? If you’ve noticed feeling hornier before your period, you’re not alone. It could be due to hormone changes around your period and when your body is getting ready to ovulate. Ovulation is also when you’re most fertile, so your brain is getting ready for reproduction. Before your period, you also may have more discharge, a natural lubricant. Pre-period bloating can also put pressure on your pelvis area and G-spot.
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Constantly horny? While at work, you might find yourself fantasizing about what you and your partner are going to do later that night, or might be counting down the minutes until you can go home and masturbate. If you’re ready to go any time, any place, you might find yourself wondering “Why am I always horny?” or “Is my horniness normal?” We’ve got answers.
There are many aspects that play into getting horny or turned on. Even the experts don’t understand exactly what makes us feel horny because everyone is different — the things that make one person horny may be a total turn off for another. Still, there are a few factors that can help explain why you might be feeling horny all the time.
Desire is a spectrum, and some people get horny more easily and/or more often than others. If you find that you’re always horny, you might have a high sex drive . While there’s no sex drive norm, you can judge what’s normal for you by recognizing your baseline horniness, or how horny you usually are. If you feel noticeably more or less horny than your baseline, that might feel abnormal to you. There’s no way to define exactly what a high sex drive is since this varies widely from person to person, but if you’re always feeling horny, you might view your drive as high.
It’s important to remember that even if you are always horny compared to your friends, family members or even partner, that’s a totally normal aspect of your sexuality.
“Some people naturally have a higher level or lower level of desire compared to others,” sex therapist Lawrence A. Siegel tells O.school. “Making these comparisons almost always gets people in trouble. There really is no standard.” Comparing yourself to others sets you up for false ideas on what is “normal,” because, remember, when it comes to your sex drive, you can only judge what’s “normal” in relation to yourself.
It’s no surprise that hormones play an important role in people’s sex drives. That’s why you’ve probably experienced such fluctuations in your sex drive as a teenager. The hormone most closely tied with horniness is testosterone — something people of all genders and sexes have. In general, people with higher levels of testosterone will get horny more often, Andrew Aaron , tells O.school. Scientists aren’t exactly sure why that is, Aaron says, but the link is well established.
“While not providing clarity on any specific link between testosterone levels and high sexual desire, the literature suggests that without healthy levels of testosterone high sexual desire is less likely,” Aaron says.
However, testosterone isn’t the only hormone that influences horniness. In particular, people with a menstrual cycle might notice that their horniness fluctuates throughout their cycle, and that that they’re always horny around the time they ovulate .
Of course, not all sexual desire can be attributed to hormones. Social and emotional factors can have an even stronger effect than biological factors, Aaron says. “Intense emotions, such as passion, the excitement of achieving a goal, anxiety or fear will strongly influence sexual desire dominating any other factor,” he explains. These emotions can leave us feeling great about ourselves or craving connection, he explains, both of which can lead to increased horniness.
That’s why you might feel especially horny in a new relationship, after a big win at work, and when you’re feeling especially proud of yourself.
If your peers have a more positive view of sexuality, it can contribute to you always feeling horny. “Peer pressure may encourage and inflame sexual feelings and sexual desire when it is both permissive and encouraging,” Aaron says.
For example, people living in a college dorm, where many people are thinking about, talking about and having sex, might feel like they are always turned on. Similarly, people in subcultures that embrace sexuality, like the BDSM or swinging communities, might experience the increased drive, Aaron says, although there aren’t specific numbers available to prove that.
“An attitude of encouragement, the agreement that the activity is a good and valuable one and permission about the group’s activity of focus can result in increased interest and over time, an increased level of desire for the group’s sexual activities,” Aaron says.
Despite our society often shaming us for wanting sex, experts agree that having a high sex drive is entirely normal, and can even be pleasant. It’s important to remember that always being horny is nothing to be ashamed of — it’s just a normal part of who you are. “Sex is such a wonderful part of being human. It is our variations that make each one of us unique,” Aaron says.
Sex therapist Amanda Pasciucco tells O.school that she uses a chart to demonstrate the spectrum of sexual desire in her practice. At the highest end of the chart are individuals who think about or have sex all of their waking hours. Below that are individuals who think about sex often and are open to talking about fantasies. Next are individuals who desire sex with their partner, themselves and others, followed by people who only desire sex with their partner and themselves.
“Sexual drive is different with all people,’ Pasciucco says. “It’s totally normal.”
However, some people find that always being horny can interfere with their lives. If you find yourself developing obsessive thoughts around sex, or engaging in such frequent or risky sex (with yourself or others) that it is affecting other areas of your life, it may be time to seek professional help to learn to better manage your urges, Aaron says.
“High sex drive becomes a problem when it causes distress, which may come in many forms: physical, legal, marital, relationship, occupational, financial,” he says. It’s a good idea to make an appointment with a counselor or sex therapist if you find this happening.
There are a few things you can do when you are horny. Masturbation is a good way to release sexual energy. It’s also a good way to experiment with your body to see what you do and don’t like. While masturbating, you can watch porn, read or listen to erotica , or use your imagination. You can also involve a consenting partner by sexting them, having phone sex, or having sex with them.
One of the biggest sources of strife for people who are always horny is navigating their sex drive with their partner. “If one person’s level of desire is different than the other, there must be a compromise on both parts,” Siegel says.
Talk openly with your partner to find a level of sexual engagement where your needs are being met, and your partner is not feeling pressured to have more sex than they want to. The key is that both partners have an expectation that they are ok with, Siegel says.
Asking your partner to watch you masturbate can be a great way to engage with your partner sexually, even when you’re horny and they are not, Seigel says. The eye contact and non-sexual touch that can occur while one of you gets off can keep you connected as a couple, without pressuring the lower-drive partner for sex.
Some couples with “mismatched” sex drives talk about opening their relationship so that the partner who is always horny can have their sexual needs met in an ethical way. This can be a great solution for some, but it’s also a decision that affects the foundation of your relationship, so proceed with caution, Siegel says.
The key is finding a solution that lets both partners feel respected.
You might feel weird about always being horny, especially if you don’t have anyone in your life who openly talks about their high sex drive. However, remember that being really horny is entirely normal! The only time it becomes a problem is when it’s having a negative impact on your life.
“If balanced well with other life factors and the methods used to achieve satisfaction are healthy, high sex drive can result in a life filled generously with pleasure,” Aaron says.
If you feel that always being horny is interfering with aspects of your life, or you want to better manage your horniness, that is also okay. Plus, feeling horny doesn’t always happen at convenient times or places. If you’re wondering how to stop being horny without masturbating or having sex, here are a few tips:
It’s totally normal to feel horny, but different people feel horny at different intensities and rates. Sometimes, just understanding why you’re horny and what to do about it, can help. Just keep in mind that “getting rid” of horniness can be a whole lot of fun.
The O.school team is here to provide you with the most medically-accurate information around sex, sexual wellness, pleasure, relationships, and dating. Every article we publish is vetted by our medical review board , ensuring that readers are provided with answers you can trust.
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