All Types Porn
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All Types Porn
Part of HuffPost News. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
May 29, 2014, 08:01 AM EDT | Updated Dec 6, 2017
Part of HuffPost News. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
Deputy Managing Editor Of Impact & Innovation, The Huffington Post
These days, a beautiful photo of a sandwich isn't just a beautiful photo of a sandwich, and a snazzy photo of a Mercedes isn't just a snazzy photo of a Mercedes. They're porn, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
It's not quite clear when we started using the word "porn" to describe all things visually appealing. But here we are, and if you can't beat them, join them with a massive ranking of porn types, I guess? Here they are in order of greatness.
Generally a lot less inspirational than you think.
Feels like it exists solely to make us feel bad about ourselves.
A Maserati wouldn't even make you look cool if you had it.
I guess this is cool if you're into that sort of thing.
Beautiful, but you probably think your city is more beautiful than it actually is.
OK, now we're starting to get a little bit jealous.
Sort of repulsive to look at, but in a pining way.
Drones are scary, but we still like to look at them for some reason.
How much does it cost? Doesn't matter; give me one.
If it's not gorgeous, it's not worth drinking.
Beautiful AND it makes you seem smart.
There is no such thing as "too many maps."
Deputy Managing Editor Of Impact & Innovation, The Huffington Post
by Tess Barker Published: Jun 8, 2015
This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
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You don't have to be a sex expert to know there's porn for pretty much any taste. And some of them are so, uh, creative that they’d make Linda Lovelace blush. We know you're curious, so we checked out some of the craziest, most fascinating types of porn so that you never, ever have to.
1. Balloon Porn
We hate to burst your bubble, but not everyone gets their rocks off to animate objects alone. Looners, or people who have a sexual fetish for balloons, have a whole genre of porn just for them. All of the sexy movies feature at least one person having romantic time with balloons or other blow-up toys. Lines like “My name is Meghan, and I’m just going to f*ck this inflatable toy while I’m wearing sexy panty hose,” let you know exactly what you’re getting into here.
2. Dinosaur and Monster Porn
Looking for a sex partner who is extinct or fantastical? That's bad news for your dating life. But good news for your imagination: There’s a slew of animated erotica featuring a computer-generated individual getting nasty with a variety of monsters. These tend to have no dialogue, so if you’re looking for something a little wordier, check out written dinosaur erotica for gems like, "The beautiful, buxom girl must now tend the farm like the rest of her family, feeding the animals, tending the crops, and protecting their land from hungry predators, like foxes, wolves, and the occasional dinosaur."
3. Giantess Porn
Apparently, some men are really into powerful women. This porn theme uses camera tricks to make women look like giants. The ladies do all kinds of dirty things to the men they’re looming over. It’s basically like if Godzilla did Dallas . The dialogue includes, “I have a nifty toy for you. I call this my shrink ray. I just hit this button here, and you will shrink. Aw. Now, you’re so puny you’ll never be able to landscape again.” You definitely can’t accuse the creators of skimping on plot.
4. Cat Costume Porn
We’ve all dressed up as a sexy kitty cat for Halloween at some point, but few of us knew that the outfit was fodder for a booming sector of the porn industry. In cat costume porn, women wear whiskers, ears, and purr for their partners when they say things like, “Wiggle it. Wiggle the tail for me.”
5. Breast Milk Porn
Breast milk may be the reason that some of your friends have to pump and dump after having a glass of wine, but for one segment of the population, it’s also food for sexual thought. This kind of porn takes all different forms, but the one thing the videos have in common is that at least one person is serving calcium-enriched liquid, while someone else moans things like, “Oh! That’s a lot of milk.”
6. Adult Baby Porn
For those who prefer to be on the receiving end of the whole erotic caregiver thing, there’s this category of porn. Performers in this genre wear diapers, lie in giant cribs, and gurgle like infants. Plus, they often suck on pacifiers and garble classic lines like, “Now you talk to me like I said something bad.” Yikes.
7. Clown Porn
Been a while since you had a vivid nightmare? Perhaps you should step into the world’s most disturbing circus by watching clown porn. If the makeup and grin aren't terrifying enough, the clown, which is typically a man, uses an unnatural, high-pitched voice to say things like, “Look at this a**, boys and girls! This is Bubble’s time! Because every girl likes a clown!” We’re. Not. Amused.
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