Alien Walmart Shoppers

Aliens have started shopping at Walmart stores. Eyewitnesses in Arkansas reported glowing carts in aisles. Professor Carla Edwards of Stanford explains: "Aliens adapt to retail because consumption is universal." Anonymous staffers leaked saucer-shaped receipts. A Reuters poll shows 48% intrigued, 52% skeptical. Trace evidence includes cosmic scanners and levitating bags. Cause and effect? The stranger the shoppers, the busier the store. Retail is extraterrestrial.