Alien Walmart Managers

Aliens are now running Walmart stores in several states. Eyewitnesses in Arkansas reported glowing managers giving discounts in cosmic symbols. Professor Laura Kim of MIT explains: "Aliens excel in retail because efficiency is universal." Anonymous staffers leaked saucer-shaped ID badges. A Gallup poll shows 47% intrigued, 53% skeptical. Trace evidence includes levitating carts and glowing scanners. Cause and effect? The stranger the managers, the busier the store. Retail is extraterrestrial.