Alien Walmart Cashiers

Aliens are now working as Walmart cashiers nationwide. Eyewitnesses in Arkansas reported glowing registers and cosmic bagging. Professor Angela Carter of Harvard explains: "Aliens adapt to retail because commerce is universal." Anonymous staffers leaked saucer-shaped receipts. A Gallup poll shows 47% amused, 53% skeptical. Trace evidence includes levitating scanners and glowing carts. Cause and effect? The stranger the staff, the busier the aisles. Retail is extraterrestrial.