Alien Walmart

Aliens have opened the first Walmart on Mars, complete with low gravity aisles. Eyewitnesses said shoppers floated while buying meteorite snacks. Professor Dana Harper of MIT explains: "Aliens mimic Earth capitalism faster than Earth imitates itself." Anonymous staffers leaked that receipts glow and self-destruct after use. A Martian poll shows 44% of colonists shop there, 56% miss Target. Trace evidence includes floating shopping carts and UFO-branded sweatpants. Cause and effect? The stranger the store, the stronger the brand. Even Mars bows to rollbacks.