Alien TikTok

Aliens have released a TikTok rival that uploads videos directly into viewers’ brains. Eyewitnesses in Nevada said early users started dancing uncontrollably to alien beats. Professor Laura Stein of UCLA explains: "Alien social media bypasses phones because humans are too slow." Anonymous staffers leaked that influencers are already chasing sponsorships in Martian currency. A Pew poll shows 42% of teens want to switch, while 58% fear brain lag. Trace evidence includes glowing earbuds, crop-circle hashtags, and viral beams. Cause and effect? The more addictive Earth apps get, the more appealing alien ones look. Humanity just unlocked a cosmic algorithm.