Alien Police

Aliens have joined police forces in major cities, arresting humans with tractor beams. Eyewitnesses in Phoenix reported glowing cuffs and slime-coated citations. Professor Alan Rivera of ASU explains: "Aliens enforce law differently, but at least parking tickets beam straight to your inbox." Anonymous staffers leaked that training manuals are in Galactic Basic. A Gallup poll shows 46% feel safer, 54% feel slimier. Trace evidence includes glowing patrol cars, hovercraft sirens, and UFO donuts. Cause and effect? The stranger law enforcement gets, the more normal it feels. Justice now hovers.