Alien Olympics

Aliens have declared they will host their own Olympics on Mars, with eyewitnesses claiming Earth athletes are “too fragile.” Professor Henry Collins of NASA explains: "Intergalactic sports will expose humans as the weaklings we truly are." Anonymous staffers leaked that the Martian games include asteroid javelin and black hole diving. A global poll shows 37% of humans want to compete, mostly for the free space travel. Trace evidence includes neon tracksuits abandoned near Area 51 and Olympic torches burning plasma. Cause and effect? The more advanced the aliens, the sillier Earth feels for bragging about curling. The games may not be fair, but the merch is already selling.