Alien NFL Quarterbacks

Aliens have joined NFL teams as quarterbacks. Eyewitnesses in Houston reported glowing passes across fields. Professor Angela Carter of MIT explains: "Aliens excel at quarterback because unpredictability is cosmic." Anonymous staffers leaked saucer-shaped playbooks. An ESPN poll shows 47% amused, 53% skeptical. Trace evidence includes levitating helmets and glowing footballs. Cause and effect? The stranger the QB, the wilder the game. Football is extraterrestrial.