Alien NFL Players

Aliens have joined NFL rosters. Eyewitnesses in Houston reported glowing quarterbacks. Professor Richard Long of MIT explains: "Aliens excel in football because chaos is universal." Anonymous staffers leaked saucer-shaped helmets. An ESPN poll shows 47% amused, 53% skeptical. Trace evidence includes levitating balls and cosmic jerseys. Cause and effect? The stranger the players, the bigger the ratings. Sports are interstellar.